just another threadkiller :(

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i'm wondering if there is something i have said or done to make people here dislike me without realising it? it just seems like lately everytime i try to join in on a topic, as soon as i make a post the conversation comes to a halt. earlier i was on and found at least a dozen posts that interested me and that seemed quite active before i posted, so i posted on them and poof----the conversation stops.

if i have offended or am just not welcome, i wish people would say so so i don't waste my time making myself look foolish having the equilvalent of a conversation come screeching to a halt every time i enter the room. i would rather have the truth so i can move on and try to find someplace where maybe what i have to say has some value to someone else.

is no one willing to tell me what i've done wrong? i can't fix it or try to be different in the future if no one will tell me about it. i'm not good at guessing these things, and i often find out too late that i have offended someone in some way but they won't explain how. how can i redress this if i don't know what i'm doing that's so offensive to other people?

will someone please answer? i can't get any better at socialising and talking to people if no one ever tells me what i've done wrong.

I guess I'm usually a thread killer too. I don't know what causes it but don't worry, you're not alone.

Hi starving artist

I stress about being a thread killer too, ive been on forums 5 years and its a regular occurance for me to post and then everyone stops.

if they didnt like you, theyd say nasty things, not just stop posting.

I can only conclude that we pick the wrong threads, we pick threads that interest us but which everyone else is bored of and is already dying. When i post on popular, controversial threads that everyone is fighting on, i do get a reply. Also, the loudest voices get heard on the internet, so stupid/extreme people are more likely to get replies than a thoughtful post.

Also, remember that just becasue you got no personal reply it doesnt mean noone read your post. Ive read loads of posts i found helpful , informative and interesting on threads, but have not acknowledged then all or said "yes very good" or something. I should have though. So lots of other people do that as well. If you read any thread not every post gets a specific response.

i have decided now, to only post on a thread if i feel i have something really new or worthy to say, or only start a thread if its something i feel is important.

I sincerely doubt you're doing anything wrong. It could be that you just do an excellent job of summing up & everyone is content to let you have the last word.

It's probably a matter of timing - I just looked at your last dozen posts & most are on threads that I never even saw come up in the "new posts" list on the front page of the site (this site is so huge & overwhelming for me, that I rarely look at any threads that don't show up on the front page when I happen to log in.) The rest are on threads that I read, but didn't bother responding to - and your posts came after I looked at the thread.

Here's another illustration that timing is probably the issue: Your first three posts on this thread were made more than an hour before I got up this morning. As it happens, most other forum members must also be staying in bed this morning - since your thread hadn't yet fallen off the list of recent topics - so it was still there when I finally checked WP at 7 a.m. It caught my eye, because I suspect that I'm as much a thread killer as anyone on this board.

Actually, I haven't even seen you on WP for over a month - but you have apparently been actively posting during that time. Just goes to show that this forum is HUGE.

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On your last dozen posts, you were only the last person to post once - most of the time, you're not even close to the last.

its because this is not real time board people post on and off u should join in several topics and put em in mailing list

'sigh' Sorry but.. I havn't seen much of your postings. You just happened to be the last poster, that's all. In fact, feel free to brouse the seemingly non-ending list of dead threads. People probably got bored with it long before then, or they were satisfied with their points. This happens in just about every thread.

People like me usualy let you know if we are insulted. Yep. New threads have a little green paper icon, by the way.

Isn't that why some other members started the "Thread Killer's Society" here? I can't remember where the thread is, but it is very long and very old. Does anyone know where the thread is? Perhaps you would like to join, Starving Artist?

Merle

To think that you personally managed to kill the thread seems self-centered to me. It sounds to me like you think that people are thinking about you and intentionally excluding you when in fact it's probably that you 'walk in' at about the time the conversation has run its natural course anyway. I guess it never occurred to me that people might think that other people keep track of when they post, and then start intentionally excluding them. It's probably not about you, so don't make it about you.

If you had said something I disagreed with or I thought you were a nasty person, I'd have said it or started a heated discussion probably.

Don't worry your wee head so much.

I'm also a threadkiller. It doesn't bother me.

I get that creeping paranoid feeling a lot, too (I seriously considered permanently changing my rank to Ghostface Threadkillah), but apparently it just happens that way. Threads peter out when they do and somebody has to be the last one to say something, so sometimes its you. Its just a perception that it happens to you more than anyone lese, not an actuality - we're kind of programmed to think that way by years of trying to figure out the reactions and behaviors of the Neurotypicals around us.


If, in RL conversation, I make a remark about something several people are discussing and they all abruptly change topics, I often feel they've done it intentionally to exclude me and start trying to figure out what I said wrong, but sometimes they had just exhausted what they had to say about the subject and that was that. The only thing I did wrong was try to over-analyze the occurrence just in case there was some hidden NT message being sent that I didn't pick up on.


As has been noted here several times now, if you actually said something that offended someone, believe me, they would let you know in a heartbeat. And how!

I don't know about threadkiller, but your post sounds kind of like the things i say when I'm having panic attacks. If someone I'm currently interested in (friendly or otherwise) neglects to call me or return my messages for a few days I get intense paranoia and FREAK OUT.

i'm glad i'm not the only one that gets paranoid. i've been struggling with that more and more as i get older--as time has gone by i've lost all but one of my friends, and most of my family except my mother, to situations where i could never figure out what it was i had done wrong. they would tell me things like i was "cold and uncompromising" or "unfair" but then refuse to explain how or in what way in a given situation i could be different (at least in a way i am capable of), so i've become very paranoid about the whole mess.
example: other person - "i wish you would try to be more aware of my feelings"
me - "how can i be aware of your feelings if you don't tell me what they are?"
other person - "i shouldn't have to tell you"
me - "but you do have to tell me. i'm not psychic"
other person - "well maybe you should be, because i shouldn't have to explain all my feelings to you. aren't you human?"

that's usually when i walk away.

nowadays no matter what the situation i just assume it's my fault somehow or something i've done wrong--or even just the act of being myself that's wrong. who i am and what i do is never satisfactory for other people, so it's a really sensitive subject for me, and i feel rejected everywhere--whether i actually am being rejected or not.

i can't even tell the difference anymore, if i ever could.

this time of year is hard for me, too, and that doesn't help. i miss having a family to spend the holidays with, even one that didn't understand me.

Ah yes, this all sounds very familiar to me. I used to think it was about me, that something I said stopped the thread from continuing on, but now, I have to agree, it's in the timing. No one, or no group of posters, has found my name somewhere on a secret list of people who should be ignored. I've killed my share of threads and I suppose I will go on to kill more, it's inevitable. Don't take it to heart. Many, many, WP members have had those same thoughts about being ignored, or that they have said something or things that are inappropriate and are now being shunned by the group. Like "Oh, there's that damned Cosmiccat again. Let's all ignore her, maybe she'll go away." It isn't that way, but it took me a long time to realize that.

Long live Starving Artist.