Tell me a joke you heard recently

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A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the guts to do it".

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license. Currently, Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting stamps.



Please share a joke you've heard or read recently that made you laugh.

In an effort to halt the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush orders the bombing of the Canary Islands.

Q: What's black and white and read all over?

A: A newspaper

Tequila, that is really funny!

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all were in a playground with a slide in it. The Englishman climbed the slide and as he rode down shouted out "potatoes" and landed on a bag of potatoes. The Scotsman climbed the slide and as he rode down shouted out "cushion" and landed on a cushion. The Irishman climbed the slide and as he rode down shouted out "weeeeeeeee" and landed in a puddle of wee.

Sir! are you classified as human? No Im a meat popsicle.

In another effort to stop the spread of the bird flu in the Nation’s capital, President Bush has positioned Vice-President Cheney on top of the Capitol building.

There was a guy who had an obsession with tractors (maybe he was an Aspie?). He had 5 tractors, had tractor wallpaper, scale models of tractors, tractor curtains, tractor crockery, everything in his house had something to do with tractors.

After struggling to get a date for ages, he finally got one. But on the date all he talked about was tractors, the girl felt she had nothing in common with him and wouldn't see him any more.

He was so upset that he couldn't hold down a relationship, that he got rid of his tractors and everything to do with tractors. In an effort to be more 'cool' and attractive to ladies, he got into the pub and club scene, music and so on.

He then succeeded in getting another date, and he took the girl out for a few drinks before the night really got started. It just happened they went to a pub full of smokers, and full of smoke.

The guy sucked in all the smoke, every last bit of it. The girl asked him what he did that for.

He said, "I'm an ex-tractor fan".

Surely you cant be serious? I am serious. And dont call me Shirley.

I do not condone the activity described below. I just find it to be a humorous twist on the old "lightbulb" jokes.

How many hampsters does it take to paint a house?

I dunno.

It depends on how hard you throw them!

I really do love animals. I even had a pet hampster once.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Your village called. Their idiot is missing.

This employee has reached rock bottom and started to dig.

What gear were you in at the moment of impact? Gucci sweats and reeboks.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly much to the delight of the audience.