Comedy story series- Stupid Random Crap!

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(Just thought I'd post a little story I've been writing...)

*The characters Sledge, Snake and Delia are copyright Ivan Rodrigiez Asqui, and IRAGINATION. MegaMan X, Zero, and Storm Eagle are all copyright Keiji Inafune, and Capcom. The characters Rodney, Gregory, Cilia, and Green are copyright Odda C., Team Interware, and Coffee Pot studios. All rights reserved. Thank you for taking the time to read this boring legal crap.*


[Megaman X]

It is a time of great war. A virus known as the Maverick, or Zero virus has caused a great number of Reploids to go insane, destroying everything in their path. To counter this, the greatest scientific mind of the day Dr. Cain created the Maverick Hunters, a group designed to resist, and quell the rising threat. Two of such units have become great legends during this brutal, decades long war.

First the 14th unit commanded Megaman X (just X for short), the last robot of the great Dr. Thomas Light. Then there is the unit led by his best friend Zero, the final creation of Light's nemesis, Dr. Wily, and leader of the 0th unit.

Both squads of enjoyed great sucess during this war, with their leaders single handedly defeating the Maverick leader Sigma three times. But now misfortune has befallen the 0th unit, forcing it to surrender into Maverick captivity.

Two however have managed to escape, and have tracked down their squad to a small, yet heavily gaurded compound near the eastern sea.

Who are these cunning, skilled, brave warriors who dare to take up the challenge of freeing their friends? Who are the two who laugh in the face of danger, and disastor? Who are th-

"We get the idea already! SHADDAP!"

Fine! It's not like I'm getting paid for this!

"Jeez, don't you think you were a little hard Sledge...?"

"Well... He was annoying! And he nearly blew our cover!"

"What cover? Were standing out in the open below a bunge of neon signs pointing to the base!"

"Whatever! The fact is, he was annoying and wasting our time. Now lets go!"

They were average sized battle Reploids with yellow hilted beam sabers. One had brown armor with white trend along with a dome helmet atop his head. He also possesed caucasion skin with a hint of olive in it. His eyes were brown and determined. Perhaps too determined...

"I heard that!" he shouted.

SCREW YOU! His friend had blockier skyblue armor with white and red trend, and a rather tall helmet. His skin was also caucasion in color, and he had happy green eyes.

"Whats happy green?" asked the said reploid.

I don't know. The producers made me say it.

"Man, you really aren't getting paid enough are you...?"

Oh just get on with it!

"Yeah Snake! What he said!"

"Fine fine, coming Sledge!"

"Okay Snake, I need you to get in through this obscenly hot ventialation duct... ...which is obscenly hot... ...in order to get to the control room. Once you are in there, you can knock out the defenses allowing me to get into the prison area, and free the others. Which I will be able to do once you shut down the defenses. Which may only be done by crawling through this obscenly hot ventilation duct. And by obscenly hot, I mean not warm, not cold, but hot. And not just hot... ...obscenly hot! So hot it is obscene! And after you crawl through this duct, you must shut down the defenses. Which will leave them defenseless! And if the are defenseless, they have no defense, and thus no way to protect themselves! For they are defenseless! And because they are defenseless I will be able to sneak into the prison unnoticed, unseen, and otherwise undetected! And because I have been undected, I have not been caught! This will allow to free the others from their cells! After which they will no longer be imprisoned! And because they are no longer imprisoned they are freed... ...for I freed them! And I was able to free them because you shut down the defenses, leaving them defenseless, and allowing me to sneak into the prison area! And by..."

"SLEDGE!"

Snake just stared at Sledge for a few moments.

"What?"

"I GET IT!"

"Oh."

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"Then therefore I assume that by saying you get it, you understand the plan, and that you did not misunderstand it! You understand the plan which requires you to crawl through an obscenly hot venti...*"

"Why me...?"

Unable to fit inside the obscenly hot ventilation duct, Sledge leads Snake through the front gate... ...which was conviently unlocked from the start.

"Jeez, Snake...! Thats it, no more pringles for you!" scolded the angry Sledge.

"It's not my fault! That duct was the size of my hand! Besides, Reploids don't lose, or gain wait!" pleaded Sledge.

"Excuses, excuses! We're having a long talk once this is over!"

Our heros continue onward unnoticed by the gaurds, who are blown anyway. The come to an elaborate front door with a sign on it...

"Ungaurded entrance... No gaurds... We promise... ... ... ... ... Free hentai..." read Snake.

"Sounds good to me, lets go!" urged Sledge.

"Err, um, Sledge...? This is obviously a trap..."

"A trap?! What would make you say that?!" said a dumbfounded Sledge.

"Well first off, the gaurds are obviously high on Ice, and no one in his right mind would put a note on the door that stated there was nothing to be worried about behind it..." explained Snake.

"Are you questioning my unmatched intellect?! If the note says there's nothing behind the door except free hentai, then there's nothing behind the door except free hentai!"

"But why would they have free hentai? Reploids don't usually have the required kinds of parts..."

"You are correct! Men don't usually have boobs! But the hentai isn't about the pleasures of men!"

After a breif pause...

"It's not...?" asked Snake uncertain.

"Heavens no! Don't you watch America's next top model? This is about impowering women... ...for you see, hentai was created by feminists!" bellowed Sledge.

"But... ...I thought feminists stood against being used as sex objects..."

"You are correct again! Nowadays, feminists stand for women being seen naked, and getting f**ked! Now are we going in or not?!"

"B-b-but I still don't think..."

"Screw you!" exclaimed Sledge, pointing his finger at him. "I'm going in to prove to you that there is nothing... ...besides free hentai... ...behind this door!"

Snake opens the door and... ...nothing happens!

"You see, I told you, nothing happe-*"

An unnessecarily large trap door springs open directly below Sledge, causing him to fall into a deep black pit...

"Crap..."

Snake just sighs, and begins walking the otherway.

"Well, I tried to tell... ...huh?"

Snake looks down to find that an unneccesarily large trap door has sprung below HIM, causing him to fall into a deep black pit...

"WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! !"

The fall was a long one, not the pit not penetrated by even the faintest light. Though remarkably short, it felt like an eternity to our heroes Sledge and Snake. But soon they landed. They unexpectedly turned up in the same room, landing on a huge airbag that quickly deflated. Afterward, they were blinded by the sudden lighting up of the large grey and green room.

And in the center awaited a giant chibi blueberry muffin robot!

“Hey! Who turned out the lights?” shouted Sledge to no one in particular.

“I think some one turned on the lights!” shouted back Snake.

“Then why do I see only blackness, and respite?!” growled the blinded Sledge.

“Because your eyes are closed, and you can’t hold your liquor!” responded Snake.

“Good point!”

Just then, the chibi muffin came to life, lighting up its obnoxiously cute face!

[size=20pt]“HOYO!”[/size] shouted the massive machine.

Sledge just looked at the thing with a most dejected look on his face.

“Whose idea was this? This is just stupid…”

“IT’S STUPID RANDOM CRAP!” shouted the mechanical muffin in a horrifically happy way.

“Um, what…?” said Sledge, raising his eyebrow.

“IT’S STUPID RANDOM CRAP!! !” shouted the machine again.

“What the hell is it talking about?!” shouted the confused Sledge. He had no idea what it was talking about.

“Dude, that’s the story we’re in!” explained Snake in his ever high pitched voice.

“Huh?!”

“Yeah! Stupid Random Crap is a collection of ridiculous anime stories that make very little, if any sense!” finished Snake, smiling widely.

“Huh… So it’s either that, or we’re in an edition… …no, the very first edition of a collection of ridiculous anime stories that make very little, if any sense.” Said Sledge inquisitively.

Snake just sighed, looking meaningfully at the ceiling.

“What is it? Your acting like this story is just some… …uhh…*”

“STUPID RANDOM CRAP!” interjected the robot muffin.

“Thank you…” said Sledge, not appreciating the interruption.

“As I was saying, you’re acting like this story is a hastily written, made up on the fly rubbish which will get us into all kinds of zany situations, and bashed on by some short, black-haired, headphone wearing European with a flying furry fetish...” He finished.

“Um, no, I just don’t like the fact that you repeated what I said. It makes me feel ignored… And lonely…” said Snake quietly, twiddling his fingers.

Sledge put his right hand on Snake's right shoulder.

“Snake…?” he said sympathetically.

“Yeah Sledge?”

“You are ignored and lonely. And no one really likes you, except of course for me.”

“Thanks man…!” said Snake, sniffling. “I really needed that! You’re the best!”

"What are friends for?" said Sledge, smiling.

Without the two morons we call heroes noticing, the robot muffin has mysteriously increased in size, as well as gaining tank treads, and a pair of arms with spiked balls at the end.

“HOYO!” it shouted again, this time with an aggressive like on its face.

“Eh…? What’s it doing now…?” asked Snake, uncertain.

“Don’t worry bro. It’s not like it’s gonna charge forward, and try to kill us…” said Sledge reassuringly, smiling.

But the towering machine did just that, swinging its right arm down savagely!

“Okay I might have been a tad off Snake… Snake??”

Snake had disappeared, replaced by a quickly withering dust cloud in the form of his body! Sledge jumped out of the way of the arm...

“Aww, crap…”

“J-just… …a tad off…!” shouted Sledge to himself, obviously in complete denial.

The massive muffin machine just kept coming, swinging its arms too and fro, and making craters throughout the large, square room. It just wouldn’t give up! Suddenly, it decided to change tactics, putting its mouth into an oval shape, and spitting huge flames at our hero!

“YAAH, now that’s what I call a hot loogie!” shouted Sledge, holding his newly burnt out buttocks. “That’s it! It’s time to go Duke Nukem on you!”

Sledge skid to a stop, pulling out a quad-barrel quantum rocket launcher!

“EAT THIS!”

Sledge fires the gun, only to find it was totally ineffective! The chase was back on!

“H-h-hey, I was just kidding! We talk about this right? Maybe over a cup of cappuccino? Low fat? How many sugars do you take?”

“HOYO!”

“Okay, so you don’t wanna talk… Blast it! Surely with my unmatched wit and charm I can find some way to melt this monstrosity! I will not be baffled by breakfast!” babbled the bumbling Reploid. “Wait…! I got it!”

Sledge pops in a strange, yellow gel tab pill…

Suddenly, he turns around, and unleashes the mighty Fist of the Nose hair on his fluffy fiend! The muffin robot is bobbed to the left side, crashing partly through the wall, and ending up with anime swirls in its eyes! It soon recovered, and staggered back to its treads!

“Hoyo…?” said the machine as it looked upon Sledge before… “YAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! !”

The machine’s shriek was perfectly understandable, as were its large, round saucer eyes, for Sledge's appearance had been altered in a truly mind-blowing way! He had a small mustache and beard along with a huge yellow afro! But standing out from these were the odd, sharp shades… …and gigantic five foot long nose hairs coming from his nostrils!

“What? Your acting like you’ve never seen five foot long nose hairs before!” said Sledge to the muffin machine.

After letting an anime sweat drop roll down its temple, the robot unleashed another wave of ferocious flames! But they were blocked by spinning nose hair fan created by Sledge!

“Alright pal, its time you went back to the pantry! This life SNOT FOR YOU!”

*BAM!* *BIFF!* *POW!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *WAPPATA!* *WAPPATA!* *WAPPATA!*

The muffin, unable to defend itself from the nose hair whip barrage is sent careening into the wall! Sledge charges toward it, preparing the finishing blow! The scene briefly switches to a quiet, peaceful Japanese tea house, where our hero partakes of some classic green tea… Then it switches back to the action!

“NOSE HAIR SUBTLE TEA HOUSE DEATH KICK!”

Sledge botches the charging creature’s plans for a counter attack, as he plants his left foot into its face, hurtling it toward the wall once more! The muffin laid flattened and unmoving, anime swirls in its eyes once more.

“And now to pound you to dust for good measure!” exclaimed Sledge as he leaped into the air. But unfortunately…

“Alright, closing time!” announced a very tiny bald man wearing a yellow apron.

He closed Sledge’s nostrils like garage shutters! The doors were actually metal!

“No, not now…!” he shouted in panic.

Seeing its opportunity, the muffin knocks our hero… …err, zero… …into the wall on the other side of the arena!

“HOYOOOO…!” said the machine happily, as it slowly approached its helpless target, which was now embedded in the wall.

“H-hey dude…! C’mon! I-I-I-I-I-I got a wife and kids… …sorta! Okay, I will after the war is over… …but still!” pleaded Sledge.

The creature approached oh so slowly… …but then suddenly dropped dead, falling flat on its face!

Another long pause…

“Eh…?” said Sledge as an anime sweat drop rolled down his temple.

A figure could be seen on top of the machine, a wrench in his left hand. He waved at Sledge with his free one… It was Snake!

“Wha…? Snake?! Where were you?!” asked the surprised, and slightly angry Sledge.

“It’s simple really! While you were distracting that thing with your nose hair attack, I was behind it disabling its power systems!” laughed Snake.

“Not bad Snake! Glad I thought of it!” complimented Sledge, as he pride himself from the wall, and joined his friend.

“Eh… You thought of it…?”

“Yes I did! Do not deny it!”

Snake had a plain look on his face as he walked behind Sledge, pretending to examine the muffin, and raised his wrench into the air…

But before he let it down, he was stopped by a mysterious hissing sound, as steam came from the slowly opening muffin head… Now our heroes would meet the one who was responsible for this mess! Who is this cunning epitome of evil who besieged our heroes? Was this the leader of this dreaded Maverick cell? And why hasn't anyone noticed the fact that Sledge is suddenly back to normal with unblocked nostrils?!

The one that stepped out of the head was none other than…

“SIGMA?!” shouted Snake in panic.

“No knuckle head, it’s just a…”

“An alien?!”

“You doofus, would you just look…”

“Osama Bin Laden?!?!”

Having enough of Snake’s paranoia, Sledge sighed and slapped the back of his partner’s head. Hard. For in fact, the one emerging from the capsule was none other than a furry! And one about our heroes’ height!

“It’s just a stupid Giraffe Snake!” pointed out Sledge as he saw the semi-humanoid creature walking out on two legs.

“Stupid? I hardly think you have the right to call me stupid just because I happen to be a Giraffe. That is an old stereo type dreamed up by Sesame Street you metallic heathens! Besides, I am the one who designed that fluffy death machine you just dispatched.” said the Giraffe in a suave voice.

Yet another long pause…

“Man, Giraffes really are stupid!” exclaimed Snake, crossing his arms.

“Its Stupid Random Crap Snake.” said Sledge, putting his hands on his hips.

“What?! An illustrious long necked creature such as me does not deserve to be called crap!” said the Giraffe, crossing his arms, looking away and huffing at the end. “Now begone, worthless pheasants!

“Then I guess the robot is crap.” said Sledge who was suddenly in a green business suit, and having a deeper voice. “And you are a plebian.”

“A what?! Just what are you insinuating?” yelled the yellow animal.

“What I just said. You are a plebian. And I am forever higher than you, for I am the noble man.” said Sledge who was now sitting on a leather couch sipping a glass of wine.

The Giraffe just smiled.

“If you are so noble, then why do you have no respect for anyone around you, and constantly live in a fog of your own dissatisfaction at the world?”

Sledge glared at the animal, coming back to normal.

“Okay… you’re good… But nothing that you say can possibly outwit me, and my infinite talent.” He said smirking.

“Everything I’ve needed to say has already been said.” said the Giraffe.

“Umm… What exactly is he trying to say?” asked Snake.

“Apparently, he’s saying that we have said what he wanted to say.”

“But then what did we say that he wanted said?”

“Something that was said earlier in the story or beforehand…”

“So now you’re saying that he wants us to say something that was already said, even though we may not have said it?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Do not make me say again what I have already said.”

“But you didn’t say that until just now!”

“You are wrong! I already said it!”

“But you just said we may not have said it!”

“Don’t say what you thought I said, say what I said!”

“But I thought that was what you said! I’ll say what I did say!”

“Fine! Then don’t say what I thought I said, say what I did say!”

And I have this to say! As a professional italicized narrator, I have never seen such a display complete and utter ridiculousness! I can’t work with these people! I’ll be in my trailer!

And so the old narrator ends up being replaced by me! A talented, young and handsome, NON-italicized narrator! My reign of terr… …rific narration has begun!

“Huh? Why did the italicized narrator leave? Was it something we said?” asked Snake.

“Of course not. It was surely something you said.” replied Sledge.

“But I didn’t say anything significant at all.”

“Everything you said was significant! One should never deny the significance of what he said, unless he had no point in saying it!”

Finally, the Giraffe had enough…

“ENOUGH! This argument is pointless!” shouted the Giraffe, before pointing at the ceiling. “And you sir are unrefined and boring! I demand the old narrator back!”

You talkin’ to me?!

“Yeah! You! You’re boring!”

Yes. He is boring, and rude to boot!

WHAT YOU DOING BACK?!

Well I couldn’t let the story be bogged down by a non-italicized narrator. Do you know how messed up that would be?

Aww, no! I’m not gonna let my reign end that quickly! Your crane style is no match for my mighty eagle claw!

We shall see! ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT!

WOO-YAH!

WAH-TAH!

HYYEEIII!

SUPER DRAGON CORKSCREW!

TIGER CLAW!

STRIKE LIKE MANTIS!

ELEPHANT EXTENDS HIS MIGHTY LEFT LEEEEEEG!

STING LIKE SCORPION!

“I can’t tell what’s going on, but it sounds like an epic fight…” said Sledge looking at the ceiling.

“I wish I knew who was winning…” said Snake, also looking up at the ceiling.

MONKEY CLIMBS TREE!

CAT TRAPS MOUSE!

SWARM OF FIRE ANTS!

DRUNKEN PARROT!

Huh! You are worthy opponent! But no one has ever stood against my mighty…

*GASP!*

…SWIFT PELICAN!

NO! THIS CAN’T BE…! THE SECRET TECNIQUE OF MY ANCESTORS!

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

Grandfather… I have failed you…

Ah ha! Now I, the ITALICIZED narrator, am back in control! I have won, and so can you if you buy our toys today! Buy our toys today! BUY OUR TOYS TODAY!! !

“Whew, that’s a relief! That other guy was real jerk!” said Sledge in relief.

Yes he was. He was also a plebian. And he dared to stand in the face of the noble man…

“You too?!” complained Snake.

Actually, no. I just read the lines, I don’t write them…

“I see…”

Suddenly, Sledge looks down to find the Giraffe lying on the floor with anime swirls in his eyes, his tongue hanging out, a large bump on his head, and drool pouring from his mouth!

“What the…?! Who did this…?”

“Huh? Oh, that was me Sledge. I snuck up behind him during the fight.” said Snake innocently, holding up the slightly bent wrench.

“I see… Good job… Hey, there’s a door over there!” said Sledge, pointing.

“Yippee, let’s go!” said Snake excitedly.

And so our heroes run toward their next great challenge. What dangers await them? Will they be able to save their unit? And is my job as an italicized narrator secure? Find out next… …page!

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“Uh, Sledge?”

“Yeah Snake?”

“We don’t have toys, do we?”

“Nope.”

Meanwhile in the small, cramped control room, our heroes are constantly monitered by a mysterious group of five Maverick villans...

"They beat the Giraffe..."

"There not as drunk as we suspected..."

"Yes... We must come up with a new plan... ...over milkshakes."

"Why are we whispering?"

"And why are we wearing hoods?"

All the figures looked at each other for a moment, then shed their hoods revealing two males, a female, and an anamiloid. The maverick was a bird reploid, purple with blue, grey, silver, and red trend. His beak was a gleaming yellow. On his right arm was a buster, and on his back were large, luxorious wings... It was none other than Storm Eagle!

"Thats right! You all thought I was dead! But I never say die! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! !"

"Eh...?" said the green maverick, looking around. "Where's Rodney?"

"Mmm? Where is Rodney?! Wasn't he just here?" asked Storm Eagle.

"Uhh..." asked the obviously dimwitted, extra large orange and white one. "Aren't you dead?"

"ARGH! We've been through this already! I was ressurected!"

"Uuuuuuhhh, oh yeah yeah! So... ...uhh... ...how did that happen again...?"

"Because... ...I don't know...!" said Eagle, suddenly looking shocked.

"Wait... ...but that means...!" began the green guy, before they all spoke up at once.

"*GASP* TEH PLOT GAP!"

"This can't be...! I'm too young... ...and handsome...!" some Eagle desperately.

"It's alright boss. Megaman X is riddled with unresolved plot gaps." said the pink and orange female one, comforting her boss.

"But stilll...! !!" argued Eagle.

"Eerrr, where do plot gaps come from...?" asked the orange one.

"Blast it! Gregory hasn't had enough Crack! It's causing him to become intoxicated!" rambled the beaked one.

The girl checked on their stash, which was hidden in a wooden drawer an the side of the room.

"All we have left is weed." she said plainly.

"WEED?! NO WAY! WEED IS FOR PANZY BLONDE LOSERS LIKE ZERO! GREGORY NEEDS CRACK CUZ' IT'S EXTREEEEEEEEEEME!! !" shouted Storm Eagle, then he suddenly perked up...

"Wait... I know exactly whats going on!"

"Duuh, what are ya talkin' about boss?" asked Gregory.

"Don't you see man?! It all adds up! The defeat of the Giraffe, the cockroach infestation, the fact that the aurthor got the character names wrong on the first few pages, and the fact that Rodneys disappeared along with his drugs!"

"And your point...?" asked the green guy.

"His drugs are stronger than ours! He's hiding them from us so he can have them all to himself! That traitor...!" belowed out Storm.

"But what does all that have to do with anything...?" asked the girl.

"IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH EVERYTHING!" shouted Storm Eagle as his raised his fists into the air.

"Uuuhh, boss?" asked Gregory.

"What is it now, simpleton?!"

"Dehh, I think the lit-tle hologram thingy is broken..."

"Poposterous! I just did matenenace! What makes you say that?"

The green Reploid spoke up, knowing that it would take awhile if Gregory tried to explain...

"What he means to say, is that the images on the mainscreen, and the status check on the hologram are inconsistant with one another." he explained.

Yep. You guessed it. Another long pause.

"What?" asked Eagle.

The maverick sighed, preparing a more complicated expaination.

"Sir... ...the mainscreen shows that those two intruders have been running straight for the past thirty minutes. As in down a straight path. But the hologram shows that they've been running in a squared circle, making right turns every two minutes."

Storm Eagle put his left palm on his right elbow, and his right hands index finger and thumb on his the bottom of his beak.

"So what your saying is... ...WE'VE BEEN MONITORING THEM WHILE WEARING TAKY BROWN ROBES FOR THE LAST [size=25pt]THIRTY MINUTES?!"[/size]

The green Maverick's face slowly turned red until it was redder than the reddest of red tomatos. But he quickly calmed down, as he fixed the holograms concistancy problems.

"Thats what I get for using Windows 2000..."

Storm Eagle then started laughing insanely for a few moments before suddenly stopping.

"HA! Your lack of an answer to my question shows that I am right, and you submit to my superior intellect!"

"Err...? But I'm the one who explained to you the dead obvious..."

"No! You are wrong, and I am right!"

"With all due respect sir... Right about what?"

"That I am right! I am always right! And you are always wrong!"

"But I'm the one who always finds the right answer, meaning that I am right, and you are wrong." stated the green one calmly, even though his patience was wearing thin.

"But the ambush on Zero's unit worked didn't it?! Which means I am right!"

"But you're not taking your ripe opprotunity to finish them off. This I am right about..."

"Thats right! I am not wrong! You're wrong, and I'm right!

Knowing he would not be able to get through to him as usual, the green one finally backed off.

"Fine, fine. You are right. I was in the wrong."

"Thats right!" finished Storm Eagle, trying to look exuberent.

The girl just sighed.

"What was the point of that...?"

Beats me... In the mean time, Gregory deceded to point out something important looking.

"Deehhh, boss? They reached the R&D area... Derr..."

"WHAAAAAAAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU ACTIVATE THE TRAPS?!"

"Deerrr, because you never asked me to." said the big lug innocently.

"I hate everything..." began the bird. "Alright! No matter! I have a few evil, EEEEEEVYLLL tricks up my sleeve!"

Everyone then took their leather seats at the silver rectangular table again, with Storm in the front seat. He slowly turned around, holding his left pinky toward his beak, and a white cat robot in his right hand.

"The fools... Soon they will feel the wrath of the great Sigma! MUA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A! MUA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A! MUA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!"

The others soon joined him in his Doctor Evil-esque revelry. They appearently had big plans for our heroes...

Our heroes continued to run through hall after hall until they came across a small stage…

“What’s a stage doing here…?” asked Snake curiously.

Sledge carefully examined the large wooden structure, knocking on it a bit.

“Yes… …they are obviously planning on having a Christmas play helped along with cider and donuts.” The brown Reploid determined.

“I didn’t know Mavericks celebrated the holidays…” said Snake.

Sledge slowly turned around, his eyes suddenly piercing like a thin diamond edged needle.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS DAMMIT! CHRISTMAS!”

“Uhh, what?” asked the confused Snake.

“WHAT IS IT WITH YOU SNAKE?! ALWAYS SO DOWN AND PROPER! DON’T YOU REALIZE YOUR OWN FANATICISM WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS?!”

“P-p-political correctness?! What are you…?”

“You see?! This is what I’ve been trying to drill into your head ever since you were first activated!”

Sledge then took a moment to calm down. He then crossed his arms, and looked at the wimpy blue Reploid critically.

“You Snake, have forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.”

“I have?” asked Snake, pointing at himself.

“Yes you have. You have covered its holiness and meaning in your attempt to appeal to non-Christians.”

“You mean the Amish?”

“The Amish?! You idiot! I mean the non-believers and the Jews!” yelled Sledge.

“But I thought the Jews celebrated Quanza…”

“No, they celebrate Hanukah! Hindus celebrate Quanza!”

“So they don’t celebrate Christmas?”

“Yes! I mean no! I mean I don’t know! The point is that you are trying to be overly politically correct in your quest to prevent the offending of non-Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas!” huffed Sledge.

“But plenty of non-Christians celebrate Christmas!”

“WHAAAAAAAAT?!”

“Yeah! And I do know the true meaning of Christmas!” argued Snake.

“Alright then mister know-it-all, tell me!”

“It’s about the presents and… …the… …um… …the… … …the Turkey and… …eh… …the um… … … … … …err… … … …the presents!” stuttered Snake.

Sledge just sighed, and put his left hand on Snake’s right shoulder.

“Snake? Those people have failed to notice the first six letters in the word: Christmas.” said Sledge calmly.

“Uhh… …C-H-R-I-S-T?”

“Yes. From what I gather from the church going humans, Christmas is about love and sharing, and living for others the way Jesus Christ did.”

“Uh, so it’s not about Ginger bread men?”

“No.”

“Not about some fat guy in a red suit?”

“No.”

“Not even about large, annoying, overly decorated trees?”

“Nope. Afraid not.”

Snake looked around for a few moments, taking it all in.

“Well… …then why do non-religious people celebrate Christmas?” he asked.

“That question my friend is like the New York lottery. You never know.”

“I see…”

And knowing is half the battle!

“Wha…? What does that mean?” asked Snake.

“It means pork grinds and sausage!” said a random Reploid girl from behind our heroes.

“Huh?!” exclaimed Snake.

Sledge put his left hand on Snake's right shoulder once again.

“Snake, its time I taught you about sausage…”

“But what does that…?”

Snake stopped in his tracks as behind the girl was a whole Reploid choir!

“What is…?”

“I hired them to sing the Stupid Random Crap theme song, as well as Christmas carols.” explained Sledge. “I think it’s time I taught a bit about collect calling…”

“But I know how to call collect!” complained Snake.

Quit complaining slacker!

“Complaining?! But I don’t need to know all these things!”

Boo-hoo. Cry me a freakin’ river. School is good for you!

“But this is a highly slightly guarded Maverick prison facility!” argued Snake.

“So what’s the difference?” asked Sledge, raising an eyebrow.

Before Snake could answer, the Choir begins singing the unofficial Stupid Random Crap theme song from atop the stage, accompanied by music! And not because I ordered them to with threats of death either!

Stupid Random Crap!
Stupid Random Crap!

It’s stupid… It’s stupid…
It’s Stupid Random Crap!

Laugh while you clap!
Give yourself a slap!
It’s always funny when it’s Stupid Random Crap!

You don’t need a map!
You don’t need a nap!

It’s stupid… It’s stupid…
It’s Stupid Random Crap!

“This song doesn’t make any sense!” shouted Snake.

“Snake, I think I need to teach you about stupid random theme songs…” said Sledge in the same tone as before.

“STOP SAYING THAT!”

Go on and take a pass!
Keep off the grass!
Don’t run on the floor, or you will break your… …face!

Stupid Random Crap!
Stupid Random Crap!

It’s stupid… It’s stupid…
It’s Stupid Random Crap!

Stupid Random Crap!
Stupid Random Crap!

It’s stupid… It’s stupid…
It’s Stupid Random Crap!

IT’S STUUUUPID! RAAAANDOM! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!! !

Yes, and now it’s time for chocolate kung-fu sausage!

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” shouted Snake at the sheer ridiculousness of the plot-less moment.

Sledge took on an inquisitive look… …while I summoned the kung-fu sausage!

“By asking what is going on here, you have indicated to me that you do not know what is going on here. That is to say you are not aware what is going on. Which in turn provoked you into asking me ‘what is going on here’. And by asking me that question, you have told me you do not know the answer, requiring you to seek out someone who possibly would know the answer to the question you have just asked…” babbled Sledge.

Suddenly a female Mudskipper came up to Snake!

“Hey baby… Kiss me…”

“NO, I DON’T WANNA KISS YOU!! !”

PURPLE FISH MONKEY PIRATES! Uh oh, I think I ate one too many sausages…

“I’M A LLAMA!” shouted a talking llama directly behind the freaked out Snake.

Yeah boy! LERRROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY
JENKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNS!! !

“I know not of the chalice of which you speak!” stated Sledge.

“AAAaaaAAAAaaAAAAAAaAaAAA
AAAAAAAaaaAaAAAaAAAAAAAAHHHH!” screamed Snake as he collapsed to the ground, holding his head tightly.

Whoa… I think Snake just had an epileptic seizure…

“Yes… He could not stand my superior intellect any longer, and fainted from the stress…” sighed Sledge, looking meaningfully at the ceiling.


Uhh, nothing to see here folks! Follow our adventures next page! Oh yeah, and happy holidays…

“CHRISTMAS DAMMIT, CHRISTMAS! SAY HAPPY CHRISTMAS!” chided Sledge.

Okay okay, jeez! Happy Christmas from Stupid Random Crap... …sorta! Hey pal, are you gonna eat that last sausage?

“Naw, knock yourself out.”

Thanks!

Our heroes, escaping the overload of crappy random chaos, continued on there journey sneaking through the complex… …okay more like casually walking through, but you get the idea… Until they came across a guard that was only slightly high!

“Uh oh… He looks dangerous. Skill, cunning, and most of all, matchless bravery is required to get past him…” observed Sledge.

After scratching his chin, the brown Reploid suddenly pushed Snake in front of him.

“Alright, you Snake shall dispatch him while I knock out the security cameras down the hall.”

“Wh-what? Why do I have to do it?!” whined the blue Reploid.

“Jeez you sound like I’m making you do chores when you were about to go to the Tasche Station to pick up some power converters! All I want you to do is knock him out!” chided Sledge.

“But you’re more qualified for stealth work!”

“No I’m not! You have played all the Splinter Cell games, and watched the Metal Gear Solid Four trailer thirty-five times in a row in one sitting!”

After deciding Sledge wasn’t going to back off…

“Fine, I’ll go…” said Snake reluctantly.

The blue Reploid hid in the shadows of the square shaped building of steel construction columns the two were previously under until the black armored guard walked by. Not wanting to be seen, Snake makes good use of a nearby, conveniently placed cardboard box.

He followed the Maverick, slowly but surely catching up to him, not making even the slightest sound…

Suddenly, the Maverick turned around looking behind him! Stifling another girly scream, Snake does the only thing he can do… …duck down, and not move…

The Maverick looked at the box, taking only a moment to examine it… Thankfully, the Crack had taken its toll, and the guard continued walking forward… Only to stop again five seconds later! Snake (who had gotten a little closer), ducked once more… This time the Maverick was a bit more suspicious…

“Hmmm…” mumbled the moronic Maverick as he scratched his chin. He poked the box a bit. Seeing as it was unmoving, he shrugged it off and went on again.

Soon Snake was about close enough to make his move! But… The bloody Maverick turned around AGAIN! He scratched his head as he said ‘hmmm…’ once more…

“Was this box always here?” he asked himself.

Then just for the heck of it, he bent over and lifted it up a tad bit…

“Is anyone in there?” he asked with ultimate suspicion.

Snake had to think fast…

“Uhh, nothing in here but us chickens!” responded Snake.

Hey, I said think FAST! No one ever listens to me!

That is because you are the ITALIZIED narrator! They will listen to me, the NON-ITALIZIED narrator… …after I take over the story, and… …Hey! What is this…?!

I don’t know how you got untied, but I’ll defeat you easily with my Bazooka of Dewm! I fire it!

Oh no! A massive plasma energy blast! You may have won this round Italic, but I’ll be back!

Well then! Back to our story!

“Chickens eh? Since when do chickens talk huh?” asked the Maverick to Snake in the box.

“Crap! Think of something…!” whispered Snake to himself. “Uhh, ever since the magic fairy granted us super chicken powers!”

Sledge was listening in on a giant earphone he pulled out of nowhere.

“Oh God, Snake…” said the brown Reploid as he put a hand over his face, and shut his eyes tightly.

“Super chicken powers? Magic fairy?” asked the confused Maverick.

“Yeah! She appears to anyone who makes a wish upon a blunt!” said Snake happily.

“Cool! With super chicken powers, the Hunters will have no chance!”

The Maverick lights up a blunt pulled from his pocket, and wishes upon it! Snake takes his opportunity to knock him out! Sledge comes up soon afterward, having neutralized the cameras.

“Good job Snake! I knew you could do it this whole time!”

Sure ya did…

“Hey, mind your own business! Err, Snake…? Why is your face pink…?”

“Oh, that Maverick dropped it and I breathed up the fumes…” said Snake in a woozy, drowsy way, holding up the still smoking object.

That can’t smell good…

“Wait… So as you sneaking up on him, he dropped a blunt and you breathed up the fumes…?” asked Sledge for clarification.

“Yep, and a few minutes after that I came up with the magic fairy story.” Explained the high Snake, as he put it to his mouth and had another helping.

“Ahh, Snake don’t smoke it anymore!” warned Sledge.

But Snake didn’t hear this, as he began hallucinating! He began to see the arch nemesis of the magic fairy… The stock trading dragon! He was a Mechadrake clad in a blue business suit, and talking on two Verison cell phones!

“Agh! It’s him!” shouted the puffed up person robot thingy.

“What’s wrong Snake?” asked Sledge.

But all Sledge heard was…

“Uhh, yeah I’m gonna shove some Viagra up your @$$.”

Furthermore, Sledge’s head had the appearance of a Tarantula!

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! !!111!1”

Snake pulls out a bazooka, roughly three times his size and… …wait a minute… …that’s my Bazooka of Dewm!

“What the…?! Snake has malletspace?!” asked the shocked Sledge as he backed away.

Yes! He is now a true girly man! Now duck! He’s firing!

*THOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! !*

Oh man! The bright white flash of plasma has sent our friend Sledge screaming into the wall! Snake is panicking, and firing the bazooka all over the place!

“Cell phone dragons everywhere!”

The attack is causing the inside of the compound to fall apart! Suddenly, Sledge leaps into action with a detoxifier that happened to be located behind the wall he crashed into! He then grabs, and throws away the bazooka!

“Snake snap out of it!” shouted Sledge, as he shook his blue friend’s shoulders.

“WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!”

“Aww, now look what you did! We have to get outta here!”

“Umm… …okay. But first I’d like to make a public service announcement…” said the woozy Snake.

“Err…” was all Sledge could say.

Snake held up another blunt.

“Remember kids, Pot is bad for… …for…”

He’s smoking it while on camera!

“Drugs are for lo… lo… looooooo… Lalelulelo…”

He’s taking several more puffs!

“Smoking blunts are… …uhh… Weed is for… …ugh… …ooo… THIS THE JUNK!” said Snake as he shamelessly continued to puff up.

“I don’t believe this…” said Sledge to himself as he hit away the blunt, and ran down the hallway Snake and detox unit in hand!

"Sir, we've located the two morons!" announced the green Maverick.

"Were are they headed?" asked Storm Eagle.

"Right this way! They're gonna pass the side door!"

"FINALLY! Now this rebellion will be crushed, and I will take my place of glory!"

"Thats what you said when you tried to take on master Sigma during your Maverick Hunter days..." sighed the sole female.

"Silence woman! This time I shall win! Isn't that right Gregory?"

"Duuu, I wonder what’s on BET...?" asked Gregory as he turned it on.

BOOTY BOOTY BUTT!
BOOTY BUTT BUTT!
BOOTY BOOTY!
BOOTY BOOTY BUTT!
BOOTY BUTT BUTT!
BOOTY BOOTY!
BOOTY BUTT!
RUMP!

"Turn that junk off! It's the same crap they always play!" commanded Storm Eagle.

He then turned his insane attention to the green guy.

"Green! What invention do you plan to use against them?"

"This!" he said as he unveiled a small red missile shaped vehicle with a small leather seat and handle bars. "The crotch rocket!"

“Perfect! They’ll never escape while we have these!” exclaimed Eagle.


Meanwhile, Sledge evades the enemy with the suddenly sober Snake in tow!

“Just goes to show you kids! Just because a chicken in your hand smells bad dosen’t mean it’s a fowl!” exclaimed Sledge.

Just then, a small steel door flipped open as the duo ran passed! The five Mavericks zoomed toward our heroes on the crotch rockets, one for each of them!

“Don’t let’em get away!” commanded Storm Eagle as he took pot shots at our heroes.

[i]Sledge and Snake quickly found some cover behind a few pieces of fallen ceiling the Bazooka of Dewm had damaged.

“I’m not scared of you!” shouted Snake as he grabbed, and fired the bazooka.

Hey be careful with that! I need that to seduce wo… I mean, cut my grass!

I the NON-italicized narrator, cut the signal from my cell fool! They can hear no longer!

NNOOOOO!

“Ah ha! Your aim is terrible! We have dodged your pathetic shot! Now you’re finished! BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” rambled Storm Eagle.

“Not if I have anything to say about it…!” exclaimed Sledge as he pulled out a strange weapon…

Wha…?! That wasn’t in the script! He’s duel wielding fish that are biting into cat butts!

MEEEEEOOOOWWW?!

“Take this birdbrain!”

Our hero just pulled the trigger! Or rather whatever the equivalent on those are… The cats are sent careening into Storm Eagle, who is knocked of his rocket and slams into the wall behind Sledge and Snake! His friends are hit by the stray rocket, and end up crashing to the ground!

“Yeah, screw physics! It worked! It…”

The sounds of sobbing could be heard… …as the fish in Sledge’s right hand began speaking!

“Augh! How can this be?! I have tasted cat bootyyyyyyyyyyy!! ! I am forever violated!” it cried.

“Fear not!” exclaimed the fish in Sledge’s left hand, much to our already dumbfounded heroes’ surprise. “For I am a fish cop!”

Both fish worked their way out of Sledge’s clutches. Unexpectedly, the cop cuffs the complaining fish!

“What are you doing?!”

“Yer’ under arrest for the operating of an illegal burger joint!”

“What are you talking about?!”

The cop pointed down a hallway that curved to the left. Along the way are flags with burgers on them.

“You do not understand! My brother! He framed me!”

“Tell it to the judge…” said the cop, escorting his quarry away.

Sledge just shrugged after a few minutes.

“Well that was sure weird, wasn’t it Snake? Snake…?”

Snake was running rather cheerfully down the hallway, screaming with glee as he imagined chowing down on his favorite type of burger!

“WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CHOCOLATE, CHEERIES AND ONIONS! ALL WITH EXTRA KETCHUP!! ! OMGWTFBBQ! WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! !! !!1111!!11”

“SNAKE, YOU WILL NOT ORDER BEFORE ME!! !” hollered Sledge as he commandeered on of the crotch rockets to get ahead of Snake.

“Oh nose, they’re getting away!!” shouted Storm Eagle who also gave chase… …only to have a sandbag from Super Smash Brothers Melee fall on him.

The other bad guys continued their pursuit, remounting their rockets, and soon reached the end of the path. And indeed there was a burger joint inside the base. Our heroes had apparently gone inside.

“Deeeah, who put this burger place in here…?” asked Gregory, pointing to it.

The other three just shrugged before moving inside, ready for anything… It was a pitch dark room…

And now, Interware Productions team with Bo Theater to bring you a heart warming, drama of two Reploids in love! Dreams of Heartless Mustard!

A spotlight shines on Sledge who is once again dressed like a noble but with a mustache as well.

“Oh why, oh why am I constantly faced with the torment of being without my one true love?! I have come to curse my own family because of this despicable feud! Oh why brother did you have to steal the last French fry?! It was squishy, cold, unsalted, and loaded with cholesterol! So arrogant was my dear brother! The unbound pride…! Wait…! What’s that…? A familiar voice calls my name from afar! It gross closer and closer… And closer still! Why… …could that be my one true love…?!”

A second spotlight activates, and shines on Snake, who is wearing makeup, and in a dress! He’s standing on top a wide flight of red carpet stairs.

“Yes my dear Montgomery! It is I, your dear sweet Celeste!” called out Snake in his best girly voice.

“Why it is you Celeste! You have returned, despite your fathers wishes! But why? You know it is forbidden!” said Montgomery, holding a half-open palm by his chest.

Celeste clasped her/his/it’s hands together as unnecessarily dramatic dialogue continued to be exchanged.

“Think not of my father my dear Montgomery! Our love is greater than his mightiest of his strong men! But my obligations to him are why…”

“Why what my dear?” asked the concerned Montgomery.

“Why I must leave… And never return…”

“Noooo! I can protect you…! We can be together forever…!”

“I’m sorry my love. But the banana peels of truth demand it!”

“Please! I’ll share my fries from now on!”

“Goodbye Montgomery…”

“Noooooo! Come back to me my darliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing…! !!”

THE END.

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“What the hell…?” asked the green Maverick as the lights came back on.

The lights reactivated revealing a normal diner. Sledge and Snake were now sitting at a table.

“Hmm, should I get the burger or the chicken?” asked Snake to himself.

“CHICKEN! GET THE CHICKEN!” rambled Sledge.

“But I like burgers Sledge.”

“SNAKE, YOU WILL GET THE CHICKEN!”

“No! I’m having BURGER!”

“CHICKEN!”

“BURGER!”

“CHICKEN!”

“BURGER!”

“CHICKEN!”

“BURGER!”

“CHICKEN!”

“BURGER!”

“CHICKEN!”

“BURRRRRRRRRGEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!! !! !”

“CHIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!! !! !”

In the mist of this, Storm Eagle returns!

“GEEEEEEEEET THEEEEEEEEEMMM!! !” he shouted, pointing at the two hunters.

The duo finally turn their attention to more important matters…

“Maybe we should run away from them…?” asked Snake.

“HA! Have you forgotten who I am?! I am Sledge! I never give up!”

The Mavericks began firing indiscriminately, forcing our heroes to use the tables as covers! A powerful, crater making shot comes dangerously close to hitting Sledge!

“EEK! Okay, I might have exaggerating a little bit…!” said the brown Reploid as he fired back with a blaster pistol.

“What do you mean Sledge?” asked Snake, having to shout somewhat over the crossfire.

“There only two things I’m scared of! God, and the four Mavericks shootin’ at me!”

“But ch’yu ain’t never scared Sledge! You supposed to be gangsta!”

“Man, that was so I could get some peeps! I don’t wanna do this s#!t no mo’! I’m tired of gettin’ shot! This ain’t no different from that middle east crap!”

“What are ya talkin’ about? There was plently of booty down there!”

“Maybe, if it weren’t for those little carpets they’re women be wearing! Then again, you take those little carpets off and you got a tragedy!”

Meanwhile, Storm Eagle continued his irrational destruction in trying to destroy our heroes!

“AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You will surrender! Join the Darkside! It is your destiny!”

“Never! You killed my father!” shouted Snake.

“No Snake, I AM your father!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! !

Snake has stopped firing.

“Don’t give in Snake!” encouraged Sledge.

“No. I must face him…” said Snake in an overly dramatic voice.

“But you’re supposed to bring balance to the force! You were the chosen one!” cried out the brown Reploid.

Suddenly, the Mavericks are sent flying out of the diner, bowled over by none other than the Mystery Machine! A certain sash wearing blonde man emerges from the driver’s side.

“Gee gang! How did we end up here?”

“All I saw was this big green portal…” said a red haired girl in a purple dress as she emerged from the passenger’s side.

From the back of the van emerged a lanky man in a green shirt, and red pants.

“That green glow was like, creepy man!” he said.

“Reah-h-h! Reepy!” said a voice that sounded like a dog.

And out came it’s source. A brown Great Dane, with black spots and a blue collar.

“I’d just like to know how we ended up in this diner without doing any damage.” said the blonde inquisitively.

“Who cares man! It’s a diner which means there’s food in the kitchen!” said the skinny guy as he ran into the kitchen. The dog was right behind him.

“Jenkies!” said another girl emerging out the van. She had on bulky black glasses, and an orange sweater.

“Did you hear that? Velma said jenkies!” said the blonde guy.

“It must be a clue!” said the red head.

“According to my calculations…” began the orange clad one who was apparently Velma. “…we really were transported from our dimension to another one!”

“Which means we have to find a way back! Let’s split up gang!”

Sledge finally decided to intervene…

“Um, people? First off splitting up is the last thing you wanna do here, and second off…” he turned to the blonde. “…why the hell are you wearing a sash? Seriously, who dresses like that?!”

Nervously avoiding the sash question, the blonde introduces himself, and his group.

“Uh, thanks… Well I’m Freddy, and this is Daphne (the red head) and Velma (the girl in orange)!”

The lanky man then emerged from the kitchen with the tallest sandwich you’ve ever seen.

“That’s Shaggy, and…”

The dog emerged gulping down his own obnoxiously tall sandwich before stealing Shaggy’s.

“Hey!”

“Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Roooooby Rooby Roo!!” said the dog, feeling victorious.

“…that’s Scooby Doo!” finished Freddy.

“I see…” said Sledge.

Snake briefly looked at Scooby, then back at Freddy.

“You understand what that dog says?” asked the blue hunter.

“Uhh… …yeah!” shrugged Freddy.

Velma came up to the two Reploids, and examined them.

“I find your costumes quite interesting.” She said. “But why are you drawn that way…?”

“Come to think of it, this whole place is drawn weird!” added Freddy.

“Well, we’re anime/manga characters so we do look a little different…” said Sledge.

“I’ll say! Your eyes take up most of your face!” said Velma, looking at the Reploids odd. “And your arms, legs and heads are enormous!”

“Reploids are built like that!” defended Snake.

“Rep… …loids?” asked Velma.

“Eh, never mind, let’s just… …uh?”

Sledge was stopped dead in his tracks as he saw a big green monster snatch the new sandwich Shaggy had made!

“Now would ya cut that out?” said Shaggy to Scooby with averse.

But Scooby was pointing to the monster, shivering more than an ADD bobble head.

“Hey Scoob, what’s with the shakin’…? There isn’t some… …big bog monster… …behind me… …is there…?”

After a few more seconds, the monster tried to grab Shaggy, but he ducked it!

“Zoinks!”

Everyone found themselves running out of the diner trying to get away from the remarkably fast slime creature. The chase ran down several hallways, eventually reaching a hall of wooden doors. There were rows of eight doors on each side.

The gang went through one door, with the monster behind them. They came out of the door on the opposite end of the same row, and tried another one. Half of the gang came out one door on the right, the other half on the left in a different door (monster behind them). The first half went into another door, this one in a different row, with the second half of the gang following suit.

Sledge, Snake, Scooby, and Shaggy emerged out doors on the opposite ends wearing chicken suits, going into another door. Freddy, Daphne, and Velma came out of a different door riding on a mountain bike. Freddy was steering, Velma was on the handle bars juggling little red balls, and Daphne was on the back. The monster was right behind them on a Harley Davidson. They all went through the exact opposite door.

Two Sledges emerged from the first door of the left row, and last door on the right. They went into their respective opposite doors.

Freddy, Snake, and Scooby came out of a door on the left side, riding on a tri-wheeled blue bike with a very large front wheel. Scooby was peddling with no hands/front paws while wearing a red and white stripped shirt and hat. Snake was on the handle bars playing Irregular Hunter X on his PSP. Freddy was on the back… …with the monster in his lap. He threw him off as they went through a random door on the right side, the monster quickly getting up and following suit.

The rest of the gang came out of the same door, scattering and going into random doors on the left.

Darth Vader came out a door on the left, and deliberately trudged to a door on the right.

An army of Metools emerged from the left side carrying the monster, and going into one of the right side doors.

Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny came out of a door on the right side. As they were going through the exact opposite door on the left, a SSBM sandbag fell on Kenny.

Out came a pink whale dragging itself by the fins from the exact door the South Park characters escaped in.

Scooby started coming out of a door… …but changed his mind and turned around.

Shaggy came out of the first door on the left side, then leaped up to grab the last door on the right, making him look really tiny, and door huge. He zipped right inside.

Sledge came out of the same door, using his fingers to turn the knob of the first door on the left side, making him look huge, and the door tiny. He had to crawl through.

Homestar Runner came out of the third door on the right side, but ran back in after Strongbad told him to come back inside.

Finally, the whole gang emerged from a left side door and ran down the hall, rather than go through another door. Finally, they had momentarily lost the monster.

“We need a plan to capture him! Shaggy and Scooby will lead him here and…”

“SCREW THAT!” interjected Sledge as he stuffed Shaggy’s stomach full of old burritos.

Snake rang a bell that attracted the monster’s attention. As he approached, Sledge squeezed Shaggy… The whole hall was devastated beyond belief, as the monster was sent flying into the wall at a break neck speed! The gang then went up to him, and tied him up.

“Well, some monster you turned out to be!” said Sledge.

“But we need to find out who he really is!” said Daphne, pulling off the mask.

“RED BEARD THE PIRATE?!” said everyone at the same time.

“Hey wait a minute…” said Velma as she pulled off what apparently was another mask.

“MISTER STICKLESWORTH?!” said everybody at the same time.

“No way, we caught him already!” said Freddy said as he pulled off another mask.

“GALVATRON?!”

“No way that’s right!” said Snake, pulling off what was another mask.

“SKELETOR?!”

“I am Skeletor! Overlord of evil!”

Without saying anything at all, Sledge pulls off the next mask.

“JOE BARBARA?!”

“Man, who the heck is that?” asked a dumbfounded Sledge.

“But why Mr. Barbara?” asked Velma.

“I wanted to be in this story so that people would remember what they had before anime!”

“Well it didn’t work! Not saying it had any chance of working!” said Sledge mockingly.

“And I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

“Er-hm…” coughed Scooby.

“Oh yeah, and your little dog too.”

“Ee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! ROOOOOOOBY ROOBY ROOOOOOOOOOOOO!” said Scooby.

“Something bothers me though…” said Sledge… …as he pulled off the clothes of the Mystery Machine gang, revealing the Mavericks. “Ha! I knew it!”

“Oh really…?” said Storm Eagle as he pulled the masks off our heroes, revealing Shaggy and Scooby!

“Uh, boss..?” said Gregory as he and the others unzipped their suits revealing the rest of the Mystery Machine gang.

Sledge and Snake came out of the Scooby costume.

“Wait… If you’re here… Then were…”

Storm Eagle turned around, spotting the real Mystery Machine gang trying to sneak out.

“FREEZE! NANANANNANANANANANANANNA!! !” shouted Eagle as he fired his weapon, shooting the gang dead.

Back at the diner, a Maverick mechaniloid fired a missile at the van, blowing it (and the diner) up. Eagle then turned back to his gang…

“Now where were… …eh? Where’d they go?!” he said, referring to the fact that Sledge and Snake were suddenly gone.

A whistling sound could be heard from above… It was Sledge and Snake on the ceiling with five-hundred SSBM sandbags! The Mavericks looked up to find the projectiles falling on them.

“GAAAAA, oof!” cried Eagle as he was hit.

Our heroes returned to the ground and gave themselves a high five, as they resumed the search for their captured comrades!

(A tribute to Captain Capitalism!)

Soon our heroes reach a munitions storage area, stopping there to get their
bearings and rest seeing as it was unguarded. During the run, something occupied Snake’s mind…

“Um, Sledge…?” asked Snake.

“Yeah Snake?” responded Sledge.

“Have you noticed all the weird things going on through out the mission?”

“Weird things? What do you mean?”

“Well just a few minutes ago we were fighting the Mavericks, then a bunch of non-anime kids come out of nowhere…”

“I don’t get it. What are you saying?” asked Sledge.

“Well didn’t that seem a little peculiar to you?”

“Oh you’re just being paranoid Snake. Absolutely nothing normal has happened. That I find peculiar.” Said Sledge with confidence, crossing his arms.

Snake waited a moment, trying to make sense of what Sledge just said.

“Are you trying to tell me you thought that those non-anime kids and their talking dog WAS normal?!” he asked in disbelief.

“There are plenty of talking dogs where we live! Sure there robots but…”

Snake just sighed.

“Oh Sledge why do you have to be such a dumb-“

Being a good lip reader, Sledge was able to stop his friend from finishing the word.

“You can’t say that Snake! This is a family story… …sorta!” warned Sledge as he briefly covered Snake’s mouth.

“Huh? Why can’t I say that? We used several vulgar words already!” pointed out Snake.

“Well, that was before I was handed this…” said Sledge, flipping out a small piece of paper.

“We’ve been fined by the FCC?!” asked Snake in shock at the bill.

“Yep.” Replied Sledge plainly.

“It’s always about them! I bet they did this because the story is being written by a bored and horny black man with Asperger’s Syndrome, who probably has dreams that depict him in sexual situations with his own characters!*” complained Snake.

Sledge stopped Snake from going any further by shushing him.

“You just did it again Snake. First off you can’t say black, you have to say min-ori-ties, got that?” explained Sledge.

“But its not like I’m calling them ni-”

“MINORITIES!” chided Sledge, causing Snake to back away a short distance.

“Okay, okay jeez! So I can’t say black or n***a, got it.”

“That’s right.” Said Sledge in an authoritative low voice. “You will also be fine if you refrain from using a**, t*ts, *****, c**k, d**k, p****, f**k, s**t, motherf**ker, p***y, *****, jacka**, and God****.”

“So I can’t say stuff like you one bad muthaf**ker, or punk a** *****?” asked Snake.

“Absolutely not. Remember kids! You may only legally cuss when you turn eighteen! Otherwise cussing is only supposed to be used by parents when they are having an argument, or get cut off in traffic.”

“So have a f**king nice day!” exclaimed Snake.

“And stay off the drugs, for you do not need that s**t!” added Sledge.

The two then turned their attention back to each other.

“So all I gotta do is not say a**, t*ts, *****, c**k, d**k, p****, f**k, s**t, motherf***er, p***y, n****, jacka**, and God****. But what do I do when I need to [size=2pt]cock[/size] my weapon?” asked Snake.

“Don’t worry about when you mean to cock your weapon. If you are referencing the preparing of a gun, or a male chicken, then it’s alright to use the word cock. But when you’re talking about a man’s p****, then c**k is inappropriate.” answered Sledge, stopping a moment before deciding to give a further explaination.

“Also, you may not use the word p***y unless you are referencing a cat. Then the word p**** is okay. And you may not use the word jacka** unless you are referencing a donkey, or the Steve-O movie. Finally, the word b***h may not be used unless you are referencing a female dog. Then it’s okay to use the word…”

“I get the idea Sledge.”

“Very well then Snake, shall we continue?”

Ah yes, Stupid Random Crap. Funny, and educational! Fun for the whole family! …Sorta!

(DISCLAIMER: I do not actually have dreams that have me engaging my own characters in sexual situations.)

“And don’t you forget it!” added Sledge.

Suddenly an engine sound could be heard in the distance… The Mavericks had repaired their crotch rockets, and were preparing to attack our heroes!

“You won’t escape this time!” shouted Storm Eagle.

The Mavericks knock the Hunters to the side, separating them! The green one then pulls up in front of Snake, revealing a small robot device a little bigger than is hand. It was red, firework shaped, and had an abrasive wheel in front.

“Lets see how you like my Groin Grinders!” he said.

Sledge got up just in time to hear the comment.

“Did you say Groin Grinders…?” began Sledge, chuckling. “You idiot, Reploids don’t even have anything down there!”

“Um, actually Sledge… …do you remember that TV special offer two weeks ago…?” said Snake pathetically.

“Special TV offer…?” said Sledge to himself before remembering. “SNAKE! Don’t tell me you…!”

“Um, wait what are they talking about?” asked the female Maverick.

“Special order parts.” answered Storm Eagle grimly.

Suddenly, the green Maverick crashed Snake into the wall, then sent out one grinders at him! Sparks fly from… …uhh… …his low area!

“YHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! !”

“That’s one way to rob a jewelry store…” said the girl.

“Hold on buddy! I’m coming!” shouted Sledge as he ran toward his ailing friend.

“Oh no you don’t…! GREGORY!” shouted Eagle.

Gregory leaps in front of Sledge.

“I’ll crush you… Duu, I’m gonna beat you!”

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! !” cried Snake as he struggled against the grinder. “Now I know what diamonds feel like!”

Sledge looked at Gregory’s rocket, and got an idea…

“Get off that rocket, or you’re going to jail!” shouted Sledge.

“Jail…? Like as in prison…?” asked Gregory.

“Yes, now get off!”

“Are you gonna fall for that Gregory?!” asked the girl.

“I don’t want to go to jail! I hear on BET its bad…”

Gregory then pulls out a small TV, and turns on BET.

Gimme a jury that’ll rule in favor of me.
Gimme a judge that’ll be able to see.

Sledge, sensing his opportunity, kicks the heavy orange Maverick off his ride and commandeers it.

“Hee hee, Syonara suckers!” shouted Sledge as he rode off.

“But what about your friend, fool?” laughed Storm Eagle.

“You got more important things to worry about…!” shouted back Sledge.

“What…?”

Before Storm Eagle could finish answering his question, he got his answer. IRS agents had burst into the room!

“Crap, he tipped off the fuzz…! THE FIEND…! Cilia, I humbly leave this to you!” said Eagle as he shoved the girl in front of himself, and took off after Sledge.

“Crap… Gregory, give some help here! GREGORY!” she shouted.

But Gregory was still watching BET, apparently failing to notice how he was kicked off his ride.

Shake that, shake that.
I want ch’yo thigh-igh-ighs.
Shake that, shake that.
I need those thigh-igh-ighs.
Hit me, hit me.
I wanna touch yo thigh-igh-ighs.

“Duu, what are these women doing?” asked Gregory as he got up, and showed the video to Cilia.

It was a music video of some shirtless black… …err, sorry… …minority man, rapping in front of three suggestively dancing minority bikini girls.

“They’re whoring themselves for money! Now gimme some help here!”

While they fought the IRS, Snake had at some point turned the tables on Green by hitting him with his own grinder! Our blue hunter ran down the hall Sledge and Storm had sped down, trying to catch up.

Meanwhile, Storm Eagle and Sledge slugged it out at break neck speeds!

“I shall run through you, and scatter your remains across the walls foolish Maverick Hunter!” Eagle threatened.

“And I’m gonna slap the crap outta you like X used to do, chump!”

They clashed, pushing each other side to side in an attempt to run one another into the wall, but to no avail. Next they tried to kick each other away, also without success. Finally, Eagle flew in front of Sledge with a gangsta pose.

“Show me some sass, and I’ll kick your @$$!”

Sledge just smirked.

“If there was a problem, YO! I’ll solve it! Check out the hook while my DJ resolves it!”

With that, Storm Eagle begins firing icicles at our hero!

“Ice, ice baby!” he shouted.

“I’m too sexy for these icicles!” bragged Sledge as he skillfully, and gracefully maneuvered around them.

“I want your sex!” shouted Eagle, now trying to pummel Sledge with exploding tennis balls.

“The Funk Soul Brother!” shouted Sledge as he somehow avoided the bombardment.

“I know what I want, and I want it right now!” screeched Eagle as he grabbed the back of Sledge’s rocket.

“Can’t touch this!” said Sledge as he skillfully shook the Maverick off.

“Blast you! One way or another, you WILL be bested Maverick Hunter!” warned the frustrated Storm Eagle.

Just then, a green blaster bolt whizzed by the combatants! It did not take long for more to come! A look back revealed that both, hero and villain were being pursued by the same enemy! The invasion of IRS agents on Scout Trooper speeder bikes from Star Wars Return of the Jedi had begun!

“Oh no! IRS agents on speeder bikes! My one weakness [size=5pt]other than rolling shield[/size]!” exclaimed Storm Eagle.

“YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” said Sledge as he conveniently found the over boost button.

“You owe them cash two?!” asked the shocked Eagle.

“Afraid so… And apparently being dead doesn’t stop your debt…” said Sledge.

“Why do you think Mavericks are trying to reshape the world? It doesn’t matter if you’re a Human or a Reploid! If you don’t have a good job, good money, and a good education you might as well be on top of Mt. Everest because the world is as cold as can be toward you!” explained Storm Eagle.

“I kinda see where you’re coming from… …so no hard feelings when I kick your butt?” asked Sledge.

“No… …because it is Zero I must have my revenge against!”

“But… …X is the one that killed you…”

“You fool! The press must have gotten to you! Zero had me tortured for three days…!”

“But that’s not…”

“THREE DAYS!”

“Okay, okay you were captured by Zero and tortured to death by him, I got it!”

“THAT’S RIGHT! Oh the pain… THE PAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!! !”

The enemy fire became heavier, a few shots hitting the back of the bird Maverick.

“SACRED CHILDREN OF GEORGE BUSH, TASTE MY FURY!” shouted Eagle as he fired a giant whirlwind, sending the troops flying every which way and destroying their speeders in the process. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA…”

Eagle’s laughter was suddenly cut off, as Sledge dropped another SSBM sandbag on him, followed by an anvil!

“Got ch’ya! WOHO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”

But during his gloat, the brown Reploid failed to notice the lowering ceiling that was part of a tunnel and…

*POOOOOW!*

There was a large groove were Sledge’s head went threw the lowered ceiling before he stopped. After he stopped, he just hung around until falling to the floor, landing on his back, anime swirls in his eyes. Behind him was the seat of the now runaway crotch rocket, along with it’s handle bars, and part of the engine. Ouch?

Eventually, hero and villain alike regained consciousness. They both staggered into the dark grey room on the other side of the tunnel.

“Ugh, somebody get the number of that truck…” mumbled Sledge.

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

“What’s that sound?” Sledge asks himself as the slow, crating making stomping gets closer too him.

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

*STOMP*

The stomping suddenly ceased, as an enraged Storm Eagle glared at Sledge. He held the crotch rocket seat in one hand, and the SSBM sandbag in the other.

“*SNARL!* *ARGH!*”

“I take you’re mad…?” asked Sledge plainly.

Storm Eagle leaped into the air, and came down on the Hunter with the sandbag, moving with frightening speed!

“ANNOYING MAVERICK HUNTER!” shouted the bird.

Sledge jumped out of the way of the attack, letting the sandbag hit the floor. He pulls out his beam saber, and thrusts forward! The sandbag his hit away after being used to block the attack. Storm Eagle throws the chair downward at Sledge, who jumps over it and battles back with a horizontal slash which Eagle swiftly avoids by moving back some. Eagle then shot a whirlwind at our hero, sending him to the other side of the room, flat on his back!

“Okay… Let’s try this again…” said Sledge to himself as he stood back up again, and assumed a Matrix battle stance. He was now wearing Neo’s shades.

Storm Eagle came at the brown armored Hunter with an upward right kick, only to have it effortlessly swatted away with Sledge’s right arm. The Maverick then aims a heinous left jab to his opponent’s face which is also blocked with a single hand. Finally, Eagle tries to land a series of punches and kicks to his opponent, only to have them all blocked yet again with just a single arm!

Meanwhile, Sledge was sipping some tea with his free hand.

“ARGH, why are so gratuitously overpowered all of a sudden?!” asked Eagle rhetorically.

“I’m not overpowered. I’m just doing the same thing George W. Bush has done.” replied Sledge calmly.

“Yeah, cheating!” chided Eagle.

“Exactly.” said Sledge, before he punched the Maverick away, sending him flying across the room in true Matrix fashion.

The Maverick immediately leaped forward, attacking with a giant hammer… …which was subsequently hit away. He then leaped at Sledge, only to end up on a treadmill set to a ridiculously high speed!

“What is this…?!” he asked himself, bewildered as he ran against the treadmill.

He leaped to the left, aiming to get off the dastardly machine, only to end up on another one!

“I thought you could use the exercise.” said Sledge rather plainly, the shades suddenly missing.

Eagle growled as he leaped off that machine only to end up on an even faster one! It was moving at some thirty-five miles per hour!

“W-w-whoa whoa, whoa…!” stammered Eagle as he struggled to keep in pace with the machine. It was to no avail, as he was thrown off, and sent flying dead into the wall, leaving a perfect shape of his body!

“How can this be…? I am a Maverick!” said the bewildered Eagle as he got himself unstuck.

“‘Maverick’ is just a title. Like an old regime in a previous generation, you use a title to make yourself high and mighty, and probably use the name of your deity to justify your crap.” yawned Sledge.

“I’ll beat you yet Hunter! Even though nothing I’ve said or done has ever worked, I shall stay the course!”

“And I bet you won’t leave until the job is done…?”

“I’ll keep at it as long as it takes and… …huh?!”

*SNAP!*

Storm Eagle finds his minions Cilia, Green and Gregory brought in bound and gagged by the IRS agents! Eagle himself is suddenly pinned down by two of the agents who cut off his wings as compensation for not paying his debt. Sledge stares at this for a few moments…

*
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*

”OWNED!! !” he finally shouts.

Storm Eagle looks behind his back with unimaginable shock and humiliation at the sight.

“M-m-m-my wings…!” he mutters.

The agents then turn to Sledge.

“I’m sorry sir, you also haven’t paid your debt, and must be punished.” says one of them.

Suddenly, a large Cricket ball launcher bursts out of the ground at Sledge’s crotch, and fires it’s nearly five inch diameter payload… …from point blank range!! !

“…”

Sledge just pauses for a few seconds… …before grabbing his crotch with both hands, and starting to scream loudly. An immense sense of pain could be felt by looking at his horribly wrinkled face.

“NNNGGGGYYYAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !”

“Mm… Seems he wasn’t the only one with special order parts…” muttered one of the agents as they walked out of the room.

Upon recovering (which was some thirty minutes later due to the greater pain threshold of Reploids), Sledge staggered up just in time to see a deviantily smiling Storm Eagle standing next to a long, red tipped lever.

“So, you also have special order parts eh?” he asked.

“Uhh…” said Sledge nervously as the bird pulled the lever…

Sledge was sent flying into the air by the spring loaded piece of ground he’d just happened to be standing on! He flipped thirty-five times in the air before his ‘area’ was smashed into a conveniently placed thin concrete poll. He then tumbled screaming like a little girl toward the ground, landing crotch first on Eagle’s right foot, before being tossed into a metal processing machine located nearby.

Sledge only realized where he was after he was hit –dead in the crotch- with a steel pounder that normally was meant to bend and shape Titanium at six-hundred pounds per square inch. He felt so much pain, he forgot to scream…! He fought the conveyor belt, stumbling out of the machine… …only to land on the handle bar –crotch first- on one of his own treadmills!

Cringing and moaning, our hero falls on the treadmill’s belt, flying into a Sonic the Hedgehog style spring which sent him into the air. After hitting the metallic ceiling headfirst, our hero finds himself falling toward the ground. But Sledge just happens to be falling over a giant trap door, which springs open to reveal a pit of…

“Liquid hot mag-MAH!”

Thank you Storm Eagle. In addition to that, the pit was so large, and Sledge’s trajectory so unfortunate, that the only thing he could grab onto was a fragile looking steel pole. He didn’t quite grab on it, as he ended up landing on it -yet again on his crotch- and even managing to bend it somewhat!

Finally, it looked like Sledge was safe… …until the poll all of sudden heated up to over one-thousand degrees! With Sledge’s ‘part’ still on it!! !

“YYYYEEEOCH!! !”

Sledge found himself shooting high into the air, hitting his head on the light bulb, dislodging it! The pit closed up as Sledge landed flat on his back… …with the bulb smacking into his crotch right afterward!

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH…! !!”

“HA! Serves you right, mongrel!” laughed Storm Eagle at Sledge’s humiliation. [size=12pt]“HAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHA-”[/size]

*KAPOW!*

“Man, he was so annoying!” said Snake, standing behind the knocked out Strom Eagle, a badly bent wrench in his hand.

KO’ed IRS agents were strewn about the arena…

“Hi Sledge! Looks like I got here just in time huh? Sledge…?” said Snake, looking at his downed partner. “Sledge, why are you holding your jewel store?”

“I. Need. Bengay.” Sledge managed to get out.

“Bengay? But… Wait a minute, you had the special order parts too?!” asked the shocked Snake.

“Yes, now help me up! We can talk about that later!” demanded Sledge forcefully. “Now find me some Bengay!”

“I think Bengay is only for the upper body Sledge.” said Snake.

“Then what do I use to rid myself of this horrific and dastardly pain?” grumbled Sledge.

“Well, there is this one pill I heard of… …I forget the name, but I do know it’s supposed to be ‘natural male enhancement’.” explained Snake.

“Natural male enhancement?” began Sledge, thinking. “But Reploids aren’t natural…”

“But they said it could even help Reploids to have ‘a big boost of confidence, and a genuine swelling of pride.’ That’s what I heard at least.”

“Wait, so that means ‘natural male enhancement’ will boost my natural Reploid healing! Where do I go to try some?” asked Sledge enthusiastically.

“YOU WON’T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO TRY ANY, FOOL!” shouted a voice from the other side of the room.

“Storm Eagle!” shouted Sledge as Snake helped him to turn around.

“THAT’S RIGHT! U W1LL PH33R M3 n0000000bs!! !! !!111!11!!1”

The bird Maverick charged at our heroes with a giant jet-propelled bulldozer! Snake has to help Sledge move to the side in order to dodge it!

“Blast it! My mobility is too badly damaged!”

“Don’t worry Sledge! I have just the thing! This may sting a little…” said Snake as he pulled out a giant magnet.

He pointed it at Sledge’s crotch. In a matter of seconds, eighty percent of the damage was undone, and the pain lessoned substantially!

“Huh, it worked! I can move again!” proclaimed Sledge.

“73H 3ND 1S N3AR!! !!1!” shouted Eagle as he turned the heavy vehicle around, and tried again!

“Crap…!” said Snake as he prepared to dodge again.

Sledge however put up an evil smirk as he ran to a different part of the room, flipping off the Maverick with both hands, and telling him how much he enjoyed his mother! Enraged, Storm Eagle changed directions in an attempt to run down the brown Reploid. But what he didn’t realize is that he was running over the spring loaded piece of floor, and that Sledge was right next to the switch… …which he promptly activated!

*BOING!*

“WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !” shouted Eagle as the bulldozer smashed into the wall behind Sledge.

The entire wall cracked and fell to pieces, revealing a number of prison cells with various members of the Zero unit inside them! A Reploid girl with pea-soup green hair, along with tan armor plating with white trend was present in one of the deactivated cells.

“Huh?” she said as she ran out of the cell to see what was going on with her blue optics. “Sledge?! Snake?!”

“Hiiiii, Deliaaaa!” said Snake enthusiastically, smiling widely.

“What the hell is this…?!” said Eagle as he stood up, referring to the unusual cell placement. “Gregory you idiot…!”

“Duu, but I followed the instructions you gave me boss!” said the suddenly untied Gregory innocently, holding up the building plans.

Storm Eagle stomped over to his large comrade, looking at the plans.

“You moron! You have them upside down!” he chided.

“Oh uh, is that bad?” asked Gregory.

“Buffoon, YOU WALLED UP THE PRISONERS!” yelled Storm.

“Duuuuuu…?”

“Oh, never mind…” grumbled Eagle.

Meanwhile, Sledge and Snake had explained what happened to a surprised and skeptical Delia.

“So, you guys managed to get passed the security –or rather the lack thereof- so you could save us?”

“That is correct.” confirmed Sledge, nodding.

“I’d do anything for you Delia!” said Snake in a very happy way.

“Well who wouldn’t with a face and body like that?” asked the untied green Maverick as he admired Delia’s features (despite that her body design was actually more modest than the average female Reploid) paying extra attention to all the most important areas.

Delia turns around and slowly walks toward the Maverick with a motion that made her look like she was rolling up a sleeve, a look of clear averse on her face.

“Back off buddy!” she warned.

“Man, this girls got some features enabled!” said Green to his fellow Mavericks.

“Green, stop coveting the enemy! You’re supposed to be blasting her to bits right about now, not telling how pretty she is!” yelled Storm Eagle.

“Yeah, she’s too good for you!” yelled a jealous sounding Cilia.

Cilia huffed as she had just polished her sleek, curvy body with Interware brand wax. Her features which included an orange chest gem, as well as pink and orange armor with white and black trend were clearly visible as was her Caucasian skin and orange optics. She was cute, yet none of the men wanted her… A blow to her self-esteem.

“Huh? Why did the narrator wait this long to describe us?” asked Storm Eagle.

I didn’t feel like it then. Green –yes that’s his name- has swamp green armor and lighter green skin with purple face marks on him. His eyes were turquoise, as were his chest and helmet gems. His nose was blocky and Transformers-esque. Finally, Gregory was rust orange and bright grey with no gems, and pipes on his back.

“Now were good!” said Storm Eagle.

In the meantime, Sledge and Snake had taken a moment to admire Delia’s butt.

“Hmm yes, well formed and shapely.” commented Sledge as he put his right index finger, and thumb on his chin.

“And it moves with unmatched grace.” added Snake, still smiling.

“Do you refer to the way it moves in tandem with her long hair?”

“Why yes actually…!”

Delia’s head whipped to the side, glaring at the duo.

“You two behave before I…!”

*SNAP!*

“Huh?!”

The paparazzi was taking candid pictures of Delia’s butt! As Delia turned around, more appeared behind her taking photos and even drawing sketches of her backside!

*SNIP!*
*SNIP!*

*SNAP!*

*SNIP!*
*CLICK!*

“ARGH!” she shouted as she turned around again, but they had already moved behind her.

*SNAP!*
*SNAP!*
*SNAP!*
*SNIP!*

*CLICK!*
*CLICK!*

*CLICK!*
*CLICK!*
*CLICK!*
*SNAP!*

“YAAHHH!” said Delia as she turned around again, backing up some. But the same thing as before happened with the cameramen increasing in number each time!

*CLICK SNIP!*
*SNIP*
*SNAP*

Now some of them were even targeting her legs!

*SNAP!*
*SNAP!*

*CLICK, CLICK SNIPPITY SNAP!*
*SNAP, SNAP CLICKITY SNIP!*
*SNIP, SNIP SNAPPITY CLICK!*
*SNAP, SNAP!*
*CLICK, SNAP!*
*CLICK!*
*CLICK!*

*SNIP!*
*SNIP, SNAP!*
*SNAP!*

*CLICK, CLICK, CLICK!*
*SNIP!*

*SNIP!*

*SNAP!*

*SNIP!*
*SNIP!*
*SNAP!*

*CLICK!*

*SNAP!*
*SNAP!*

*CLICKITY, SNAP!*

“THAT’S IT…! !!” shouted Delia as she lifted one of the downed IRS agents over her head.

Of course with her face her anger only served to make her look cuter, causing Green to get really excited with her, and take some face, and body shots. Storm Eagle even got in on the action taking a shot or two of her with a disposable camera that he pulled out, and put away within the blink of an eye. Cilia had left, apparently overwhelmed with jealousy.

Sledge and Snake were simply talking about something, rather joining in on the gratuitous candid fun.

“…so basically because we look like this all the time, Reploids technically have no clothes?” asked Snake.

“Well yeah, when you think about it, our armor is actually our skin, and the plating is therefore underwear.” explained Sledge.

“So does that mean that Delia is constantly in bras and panties…?”

*
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Sledge and Snake just looked at each other for a few moments…

*
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…before whipping out their own cameras and taking dozens of pictures of Delia!

Speaking of whom, Delia has had enough… …and retaliates by firing the Bazooka of Dewm!! !

*THOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!! !*