Weird desire of mine, anyone else the same

Post Reply New Topic

Okay I went to a baseball game today (minor league) and there was a ton of kids there as it was opening day. I sat next to this one kid who looked about 10-13 or so and I couldnt help but look at him every now and then (well more then that they probably thought I was some pedo lol) as he was cuddling with his mom a little bit (like he was laying on her lap and she was stroking his hair, we were sitting on the lawn seating there in case you were wondering) and it just looked so sweet and I was just wishing the entire time that I was this kid.... anyone else ever feel this way...


PS Fergie Jenkins was there and I got some presents for family members and something for myself (as an afterthought, Im not much of a Cubs fan and I think I wasnt born by the time Fergie retired) oh and for those of you who dont know hes a HoF cubs player.

That is interesting!

Which part lol.

Your point of view.

It seems like you wished your family was like that kid's family. Maybe there's isn't/wasn't enough affection being shown in your family, so when you saw a mother and son showing affection openly, you wished your family was like that.

Does my interpretation seem right?

Ummm sorta though it more that I want to go back to that age I think.

Ever since I was in middleschool I always wanted an older much more mature womman to be my lover/2nd mother. I see the mother/son relationship to be very emotional, very strong, and (in the proper situations) very sensual. Im 21 now so unfortunately my chance to get that kind of relationship is running out fast. I guess I have a slight Edipal Complex (although I am not attracted in that way to my own mother). I guess I always had a lot of child-like sentiments and naturally wanted a partner who could baby me like that. But then again I have yet to even have a girlfriend, and a motherly womman would undoubtably want to raise a family (a responsibility i dont think I can handle), so as with all things enjoyable i'm pretty much doomed to never experience it.

Endersdragon wrote: as he was cuddling with his mom a little bit (like he was laying on her lap and she was stroking his hair, we were sitting on the lawn seating there in case you were wondering) and it just looked so sweet and I was just wishing the entire time that I was this kid.... anyone else ever feel this way...


No Way!! ! What you just described just grosses me out!! ! My mom used to do that to me; play with my hair and put her arm around me (curiously enough, only in public) and I hated it! It just made my skin crawl! I had no emotional attatchment to my parents and hated to be touched by anyone, especially softly (Yuck!)

All that aside, though, now that I'm a mother I do that to my kids but not after they grow out of the toddler stage. The best I can offer after that is a hug or putting my arm around their shoulder. My teenage daughter complains that I don't hug her enough. I told her I would if she really wants me too but it makes me feel irritated then naseous! (I'm a real nice mommy, aren't I)

Now that Bland mentioned it, I'd be grossed out by it too, although probably not as strongly. With exception of the early childhood, my parents gave me very little affection, such as hugs and the "cuddling, playing with hair" thing. (In their defense, they did provide all the material things, like food and shelter.) Around the age of 10 or so, my parents actually gave me a speech that "when kids are little, they get affection just for existing, but big kids need to deserve affection," and flat-out refused to tell me what I need to do to deserve it. "WTF!?", I thought to myself.

So that brings me to today, the age 22. If I saw something like the first post described, I'd probably think: "those two have a weird relationship." I guess the notion of any affection between a parent (either one) and an older kid seems completely foreign to me, if not downright incestuous.

My parents' idea of "affection" was incomprehensible to me. I could never understand when I was supposed to be affectionate, and when not. I also never figured out how to respond to offers of affection from them. If I acted on "You are not loving!" by hugging, I was just as likely to get slapped or pinched, as hugged, in return.

I don't think they were being mean on purpose, just that neither of us understood the other's signals, not at all.

Consequently I'm great with physical affection from my kids, but am very wary of it from "older people". I mostly wished my parents would just keep their hands to themselves.

I don't really like people (other than my kids) getting that close to me anyway. Even my husband can creep me out pretty bad sometimes. Lucky for me he's a very, very, understanding, clear and persistent NT.

[sighs]

I guess ever since I first met my integration aide, I have wanted a foreign-born "mother" whom wasn't depressed and constantly tired like my real, biological (and over-protective) mother. As time progressed, it became something...else.

I guess now, I am ashamed to admit, my deepest desire was (and probably is) to become a lover/partner to a mature (or at least slightly older than myself) Dutchwoman (though any foreigner - i.e. non-Australian would do, my integration aide being of Dutch origin and the fact I was sexually assaulted by Australian males around the same time period may have had something to do with it). Strangest thing is, I was kissed on the cheek by a mature Australian woman, whom was, incidentally, pure Dutch in her background (both her mum and dad were Dutch, she herself told me so in a conversation) and I, indeed, returned the kiss, same way. That was when I was eighteen, and she was my carer, so that is a little sick. Although that may not seem like much, to me at the time it was a wall broken down. I think that was close enough, I generally think it is a GOOD thing that my desire WASN'T fulfilled in its entirety.

However, sometimes I wonder what could have been, and I guess a small part of me hungers for that kind of love, but I think if my father caught me, he would be irate, my reputation would go down the chute...but sometimes, though I never (so far) made acquisitive actions for that kind of relationship, at times, I wish I have had done or wish I could do so in the future.

I consider this baggage and a defunct ego, but sometimes I wish I were still in high school, and being around kids that age makes me act out of character as if I have to be "cool". Like I said, ego.