Pretentious stream of consciousness thread

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I've thought of a way to get inside some autistic minds: get my fellow WP members to post their streams of consciousness. I'll start:

Wow I am sweaty and that is tinnitus. My farts smell like Parma ham and I wish they smelled like Parma violets instead. That would be funny. The church across the road is a a thing to look at that centres me, with its large stone solidity. I don't know what people have against binaural production in music. I need to mop the floor. I hope he gets home soon. I think I'll listen to that Springsteen album he keeps nagging me to listen to. I like to watch people do what they love more than I like to watch water. That kid with cancer on the ad looks like the Dalai Lama. I love summer evenings. I love evenings. I wish I could be by the sea, alone. I need to go and mop the floor.

I wonder if AS types are more likely to enjoy classical literature? Can one be arrogant because of AS - that is, to elevate oneself to a sense of superiority because of systematizing? IS systematizing superior - and in what ways? How do we benefit from neurodiversity and what threats does it pose to the world if or when we voluntarily remove ourselves from its daily obligations?

Why do people in political parties resort to name throwing instead of information gathering? How will we make it better without understanding the nature of whats going on? o.o

This reminds me of something that happened recently. My sister looked at me and asked me what I was thinking about. I said: “Sherlock Holmes, golf, Diet Pepsi, the Beastie Boys, and the dog barking down the street.” She probably thought I was joking. My psychologist calls this “the 50 TVs,” because it’s like your brain is watching several TV screens at once, whereas NTs typically just watch one.

I wonder if this stream of consciousness thread might be a little too personal. I wish the tap would stop dripping. And I wish I could cope with getting someone in to fix the washing machine. How dark is it, do I need to get the guinea pigs in? I've seen this film before. What was he in before? Oh yes, Doctor Who, and something else... that programme about post apocalyptic Britain. Rosie purrs so loudly. I need to do the washing up. I don't know what to do about Tuesday. Have I had any emails yet from her. I must mow the lawn tomorrow. I wonder if I should cancel that course, I don't think I'll be able to afford it. Having hands for feet, would that actually work. I mean hands aren't exactly designed for running, wouldn't it slow you down. Plus they might be more sensitive. I guess over time they would stop being so sensitive. Now Rosie is snoring. I hope they aren't going to have another party next door. I must learn more about the Anglo Saxons. Mind you it wouldn't make that much difference to me, I mean I hardly run anyway. Plus they might be useful for disabled people. My mum can never reach down to pick things up. Maybe they could do it on the NHS. I should stop spending so much time on the internet, and actually try reading again. The washing up. Is it dark yet. I can't believe it's 9.30. What have I done today. I don't think I can do that course, I need to cancel it. I'll clean out the guins tomorrow too. At least it's not too hot tonight. I've been inside so much recently my tan has almost gone, and it's July. Birthday soon. Who's that outside. That tap is so annoying. Although sometimes it drips just right, so that its soothing. But it's not constant enough. I don't know where the thing is to turn off the water if the washer goes on that tap. How can I not know something like that. I don't like that bloke, what's his name. He was annoying in Doctor Who as well. Rose was definitely the best assistant. Donna was so annoying. It's a shame that Sarah Jane, what's her name, lis something, died. She was younger than my mum. I can't believe she ever married Chris Evans. This isn't a particularly pretentious stream of consciousness. I wonder why my brain is so crap these days. It must be the pills I suppose. I'm sure I used to have a more interesting brain. This part reminds me of that godawful remake of Day of the Triffids. I do love Eddie Izzard though, but I don't know what he was thinking doing that. Izzard, that's one of the names on my tree, I wonder if we're related. I should look up where he comes from, it might be Suffolk. And Patsy Kensit too. We could be cousins. That would be wierd. I wonder if Connor is... No. I before E except after c. I shouldn't have to recite things like that at my age. But I hate spelling mistakes. I swear I used to be better at spelling before they invented computers. I'm such a luddite. Although I couldn't live without it now. Well, obviously I could, what a ridiculous thing to think. Maybe I'd be better off without it. It might mean I'd spend more time reading, or actually going outside y'know. Who is this woman. Is it Kate whatserface. No I don't think so. Bollocks, my memory sucks. Arse. That dog's always barking. They should look after it better. And that poor rabbit. No grass, never gets attention. Maybe I could nick it. When they are at work. Don't have the money for a hutch though. Why did I write Suffolk above, I meant Sussex. Honestly, if anyone tried to kill me I'd pretend to die. Why do they never think of doing that. They always let you go when you die, so just pretend. Am I sufficiently prepared for a zombie apocalpse. I should do what the mormons do and stock up with a year's worth of food just in case. End of the world is always just around the corner. That's a nice library. I haven't taken any pills again today. I must get an early night. Is that a starfish. No. I must do some dusting. I'm glad they're not having a party. I must eat some peas tomorrow. And make a potato salad or something. So many potatoes. I can't imagine anyone has read even half of this. I'm sure I wouldn't. Must get the guinea pigs in. I wish I could find some decent information about the mixture of Celtic and Saxon blood in Sussex. I'm sure he looks more Celtic or ancient Briton than Saxon. I wish I'd done better on my chemistry GCSE. I can't believe he's a community liason whotsit. I always thought he'd end up on the dole. I like Anthony Stuart Head. Tony they call him don't they. Tony Head. That's a dodgy name if you ask me. She was in ER wasn't she. When's that new programme starting with Noah Wyle. Ah, must getting the guins in now. Chocolate. Seriously, my thoughts are about as pretentious as Daz ultra. Jumping through barrels, like jumping through hoops, like hula hoops, they don't taste like they used to, why is everything sponsored by an energy company, is that why my bills are so high.

What do the anglo saxons have to do with running or helping the disabled?? And Tony Head is a well dodgy name, I think he sounds either like a porn star from New Jersey or some incredibly foppish Italian hairdresser.

I should really get ready for bed. Should have done another set of washing up too. Have hoovered and cleaned though. More than most days. I really would like much more time to read. I've got so much research I want to do. I did finally find an easy way to work out declinations. The day was not entirely wasted. I need to go to the shops tomorrow and that sucks. I am rather forcing this now. It would be better if I could put a little device on my head that could transcribe thoughts as they arise. It could draw pictures too, and make sounds. (this space blank, no thoughts)

These shouldn't be too long, or no one will read it. Or maybe just treat it like Naked Lunch and you can dip in at any moment, and it doesn't matter, still doesn't make any bloody sense. I think this thread is an interesting idea. I should tell puddingmouse so. It's a bit like an episode of Peep Show, this. I keep meaning to ask her who that person is in her avatar, and what she's got on her head (the avatar person, not puddingmouse)

I really should suggest an audio/video version of this thread.

*I come in and sit on the chair in the lobby*

I can't hear the speaker right now, I wonder if I've missed the sacrament. I'll change the volume. Why does it click when I change it? That is an annoying click. I am only going to turn it twice. Ahhh, better. This chair is nice, and comfy. I like sitting out here instead of being in the big room with my family. Besides, I am too tired today and my hair looks like crap, and I don't feel like seeing anyone. Ok, I'm relaxed, this is perfect. wait, my mom is still out in the hallway a little ways. Why is she still out there?! She is making me feel uncomfortable. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Crap, my mental messages are not getting to her, if only she could understand. Oh No! There is another person, now I can't try to make my mom feel uncomfortable with my glares. Pretend to be nice. This isn't fun. Oh yay, the sacrament, I didn't miss it all! The water. Wait, I need to clean my mind out of other stuff. Grr, it won't go away. Speaking of not going away, my mom is still out in the hall. It's ok, I'm not uncomfortable. I'll wait it out. I've already waited. Why is she not leaving? thIS IS AWKWARD, i am not used to her being out here. Grrrr, I want to be alone. She's trying to spy on me. They've always wondered what I've done out here instead of being in the "official" room. It's not like I am smoking out here. Finally, she's gone. The sacrament's over. Oh yeah, today is fast and testimony day. I haven't said anything in a while. I don't want to go up there. I am not going to. Ok, just going to listen. Crap, classes of other wards are getting out. I don't want the noise, it was so nice out here. That guy is talking to that girl RIGHT beside my chair. Will you shut up...I'm trying to hear the speaker. I will adjust it again. 2 clicks. That makes 4. I am fine. He is still taaaaaaaaaalkiiiijiiing. Ok, now he's done. They left! Yes! I can listen! Dang, it's a bunch of little kids and adults indirectly making me feel guilty for not getting up there. Oh no, I just remembered. My friends. Wait, theres a little kid. *looks at the kid, kid gives awkward glance* Great, I even scare little kids. Back to the friend thing. They are coming out soon. What am I going to say. Am I going to wait in nervousness forever. How am I sitting? Do I look threatening or weird? Hmmmm. Here they come I waved to Friend 1 (F1) friend 2 isn't really a friend but an aquaintnance. Still, I need to wave. Gosh, I wish I could wave less awkwardly. Here they come. *They say Hi, and I say Hi back, then they start to walk away* Oh, F1 bought tickets to a movie, should I say something? *As they walk away, "Thanks for the tickets'* No answer, I shouldn't have said anything. Well at least there is no more worrying, just strangers. Ugh, strangers, be quiet. I am trying to listen. Now they are gone. *I go into a sort of sleepy/listening mode* Wait, someones coming out side. Oh, it's just one of the nursery kids. I can't remember her name. Why? Whatever. *I pull out the folder* Crap, my old Young Women's leader is seeing this. I feel so weird and stupid looking it up. Aha! I found it. I win! Ok. I can move on with life. *Continues in the past state* Another person! One of the young women who is a year younger than me and still in the program. I am tired, I don't care. *As I use a tissue box for a pillow, it falls off the chair side* Dang, I looked stupid there, no worries, I don't care. It will be fine, just awkward to try and reach it. *She asks for the time, I tell her I don't know* Gosh, I don't know everything. *They go back in* FINALLY. Yay! Sacrament is over. It is time to sing. Wait, tomorrow is 4th of July. I wonder what we will be singing. Please be Battle hymn of the Republic. *They announce that is the song, and I inhale excitedly* Wait, who's over in the hallway. Craaaaaaaaaap. It's the guy that I went on my first date in high school. He knows I am a little bit weird, but that was just plain strange when I did that. *I proceed to sing but not at full strength because it is just me in my chair, him in the hallway and the song in the other room* Oh good, the song is over. I ended it well, he won't remember the bad singing parts. I can't wait to get to nursery, I remember that little girls name that I haven't for forever!

The woman in my avatar is Clara Bow - who was a silent film actress born in Brooklyn. I've heard her singing. She was born on the same day as me, only many years earlier. Her mum kept trying to kill her and she got diagnosed with schizophrenia but it was really insomnia. She looks good in a tie. The stuff on her head is her hair and the stuff on her face is painted-on polka dotes, methinks.

Chocolate raisins are the best way to eat fruit. William Burroughs was a fruit. Frankenstein. I don't want to play Battlestar Galactica. The note E major. I have to write something; I don't know what. When he sniffs it sounds like snail on a microphone. I heard this alarm yesterday that sounded better than Terry Riley. I hope all your lamps look like 60s sci fi props, it is a good look for a lamp, after the Tiffany look. I hope I don't get unexpected work dumped on me tomorrow; I could really use the chance to catch up. Silver and the moon - how lovely! I don't want to go that club night because of who will be there. Candles. Electric Sheep. Foot sweat. I love people I love people I love people. Okay, I'd better direct my mind again.

Not sure if I'll be able to do this properly but I'll give it a go. Currently listening to "Halls of Science" off of the Portal 2 soundtrack. Reminds me of a little song I heard in 28 Days Later. VERY cool movie. Why am I so hungry? I just ate. Sometimes I get like this when I'd had a few drinks the night before but I didn't last night. I was dead tired but couldn't sleep a wink. Actually, whiskey does sound good tonight for some reason. Song still going. Sounds like someone hitting a bunch of keys on the phone. Do I want to buy whiskey tonight? MIght have to go shopping but I don't want to because all of the idiots out celebrating the 4th. Can't really go anywhere anyways due to the fact that I'm On Call and have to wait by the phone in case I get called in to work. Highly doubtful. Census is low. But it will go up tonight because a rednecks famous last words are always "Hey watch this!". Rednecks + Explosives = Impending Doom. Someone is moving around down stairs. BMW E93.....mmmmmmmmmm. Empty water bottle. Bah............this is boring. No offense. I just have the attention span of a fly.

I really should have refilled my prescription before it ran out again, I'm gonna be cranky tomorrow. Glad I didnt go to the family picnic thing today and get to relax by myself on my day off. They probably think I'm a jerk for not going, oh well I would have sat there not saying anything. I should run and work out and eat healthier and read and practice and clean my room and and and and...when you say that really fast it sounds more like dan dan dan dan. Chirping birds are actually kind of annoying. I need a helper monkey to refill my coffee cup. I could fill a whole page with this craziness but then no one would read it, I'll stop now.

This is the story all about how my life is brilliant my life is pure as New York New York I want to move you around so stand headlong down the highway 51 well Louis the King of the Swingers all the jungleland the midnight all the agents and the super human or are we waiting for someone to come and get it but you'd better not shout come on come on baby you're a rich man's book pictures of your momma taken in nineteen eight four who could ask for more nineteen for me because the sky is blue blue electric avenue and then we'll take it high as a kite there will be a show must go on inside my heart oh my heart mother you left me but I never give me your money it's a smash I never claimed to hold your hand and take my money and you want more heroes any more whatever happened to the life that we once knew can we really live without your love I won't make it through but you don't understand my point of view I suppose there's nothing I can't do I remember traffic jams motor cars handle bars bicycle race!

No offence taken. Like Warhol said, I like boring things. I realised that when you live in the inner-city near a main road traffic becomes your lullaby. I always go mad in the summer. Waking up covered in sweat after 1 hour of sleep does that to you. The nights pass by like a jittery bus. I wish I had somewhere to hang my heart. Somewhere to hang. Hanging like an angel from the roof of heaven. Hanging like a star from the emptiness of space. See this table, life is a table. Tables have too much stuff on them. Take the things off the table and you can see its true form - its beauty and not just its functions. Life is thus. Isn't a body a terrible thing? Sometimes it seems to me everyone in claymation and flesh is garish and grotesque. Sometimes the throb of vein and muscle, the squelch of mucus, the electricity of nerves seems much like a machine made by something with a true eye for the ugly and the sublime. Life is so ugly sometimes but ugliness has a real power. As much as beauty does. They're two sides of the same coin. I wish I could use my ugliness. Make it work for me.

got flipped, turned upside down.

My brain made the same association and ended up singing the entire song.

It's pretentious to call one's self the prince of anything.

Half right. "Story" onwards is, and the rest is very close. The Fresh Prince theme tune is "a story", the "this is the story" is John Lennon's "I'm Stepping Out". But I'm glad somebody attempted to decipher those references.

I'm the fresh prince of an elderly woman's laundry basket

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExOCc_bHj6U[/youtube]