I've been addicted to a MUD based video since 2000 (I started when I was 12) called Gemstone IV (formerly Gemstone III)
I have aspergers and I had trouble picking up social cues as a kid. Before the game and common in 4th and 3rd grade, I'd just sit on the benches and cry. I couldn't figure out how to socialize/make friends or talk to people. I was very depressed and felt very isolated and alone my entire life, even. I attempted suicide twice, once from the video game addiction, another from bulima development from losing 104 lbs (heathily) that developed over 4 years after maintaince. I'd weight lift 5 days a week, bike 8 miles everyday in 115 degree heat every summer to the gym and back, for 4 hours a day. I lost 103 lbs (which was gained from the video game addiction) and got from 34% bodyfat to 9-11%. I've never dated or had a girlfriend. It's not because I don't WANT one, I do, desperately, but I can't pick up on flirting cues or notice jokes, or even when a women is smiling at me. Sometimes its just friendly.I just can't tell.
I do better than I Did with my aspergers, overall, much better than a child. I can do chitchat well. Although I tend to go on and on about topics that interest me, and not let the other person speak.
I would play the game an hour a day intiailly. I learned to type when I was 7 from a computer program I dad taught me.
I played for 13 years. I was playing, on merchant events, staying up for at most, 6 days at a time with no sleep. I eat too much, now I eat, but skip alot of meals.
If it anything, its something quick like a scoup of protein power. I hate leaving the house, I can't play the game then.
This last weekend I've spent 9 hours playing at least per day. (This saturday). I played from 8 am to 9 pm.
It's now 2:53 am, I can't sleep, I'm freaking out, I'm a college student, and just relapsed into the addiction after being sober (and yes, I consider it like an addiction) for 2 years.
It was so bad as a child, when I didn't have it, I would sit in my room and cry non stop. It got so bad, I'd hit my parents when I didn't do anything (I'd do anything! I wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't do anything, for days) , and had to do community service for assault on my parents from not having the game one time. As a teenager and pre teen I almost got kicked out of school due to my "sick days" which were really from the game.
As soon as I got home, I'd play (usually from 1 to 3 am). Not sleep, go to school. And play again, 1 pm to 3 am, the next day. Then sleep. This happened day after day, for 12 years. I'm taking medication for it, but I recently re-joined. I thought I could control it. Just thought I'd set a time limit. It's not working. I'm getting concerned. I just paid $20 to get my character back, and another $21 for the game. I'm not sure if I'm addicted again.
But I don't think its a good thing. During that 2 years of not playing, I'd wager at least 3 times a week I'd have a nightmare about that game again, Gemstone IV. It would be, wanting to have an item in the game that was super special. I even paid real cash for virtual items in the game. Those are the items I wanted...those virtual items that made the character alot better.
I also dreamed about joining again. I didn't have internet for that time, fearing I'd relapse. And I didn't. The last month I've been living with my parents, I set up internet. I thought i'd try it out, and I'm addicted again. I need to stop it.
I just need to quit. It's been a life long thing, I'm going to quit I think, but damn, I've had nightmares almost everyday about it when I had the game or not, haunting me, taunting me, and I still do, since I was 12, and I'm 25 now. I wish this game never existed. Its like heroin. Then they have these special pay events that we pay for special merchants to come and do services, which cost $100 for 1 ticket, just 1 ticket. That's the only chance we have to get good items. It's like the devil, a money hungry devil that robes you of your soul. I wonder how much of my disorder is actually aspegers and how much of it is just not having much social interaction in my teenage years growing up beisdes skill.I had no friends. I had no girlfriend, ever. I never had sex. I never had anything, thanks to this game.
24 Mar 2013, 5:01 am
