My newest obsession ( yet another rambling rant)

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If it sounds like I'm bragging, I probably am. Let me apologize for that in advance. It's just not often that someone like me finds a hidden talent.

Recently, I have become obsessed with steampunk. If you don't know what that is, it's like sci-fi Victorian awesomeness I would suggest you look up right now. Anyway, I've got some junky jewlery I found dumpster diving (don't ask; it's actually quite common in my community) that I tore up and was going to use to steampunkify my clothes and maybe make some acessories or whatever.

That's when it was discovered that apparently I have a hidden sense of fashion. Maybe it's years of watching Project Runway, America's Next Top Model and Disney Channel back in the late 90s early 2000s, but I've got a pretty decent grasp on what's in and what's out. Sure, I'm a tad bit jaded, but even my mother was surprised at how well I tore apart and complimented certain looks and pointed out things that the judges missed. I mean, considering my mother is next to IMPOSSIBLE to please, that might as well have been, "Holy carp you are a genius!" but she was too annoyed at me talking through her show to appreciate much.

I have worn nothing but t-shirts and jeans for years, and slowly but surely I have started to resent the fact that I do not have nice clothes. So now I'm making them. Much to my pleasure, apparantly I can hand sew really well despite my terrible fine motor skills, and once I figure out the sewing machine I will be making more clothes than I can wear.

Really, I do consider fashion a form of art, and like all forms of art I need inspiration. Steampunk is still my driving force right now, so I was going to start looking up famous designers for some more inspiration. But I've got my tastes, so I can just as easily modernize those and go from there. I love working with my hands and I love making things, plus I will be able to use what I make for once! I love my Jason mask and all, but when am I gonna use that?

Not only that, but I think this just be my connection to the real world. For the first time in my life, I am NOT hearing voices when alone, I am NOT feeling stressed, and I am NOT someone else. Right now, I am Ariel. My head is in one piece and I do NOT miss the voices like I would usually. I'm ME. That probably doesn't sound like a lot, but it's soooo nice to be one person and happy without having to resort to drugs. Plus, I want people to talk to me, and what's a better conversation starter than "Where'd you get that shirt? I love it!" "Really? I totally made it!"

I want to say I'm being over confident, that this won't work out and I'm foolish for setting the bar so high. But I'm not going to. I'm actually going to work for this, and I know I will do fine. I can practice and get even better. My confidence is scaring the living hell out of me. I've never felt like this before, ever. I do have some doubts, like if I run out of ideas, but whatever. I can just work with what I have. If I run out of designs, so be it. Why not have a little peace and quiet for once, even if just for a few months? I was sick of Bradbury's crap anyway (don't ask).

Sorry, I am just really excited and needed someone to know so I could stop thinking about it for a moment and get school work done.

pictures!