Help! I have all-consuming "hate crushes"!

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I've only hated a handful of people in my life, but each time it's happened I've let it take over my life, to the point where thoughts of the people I hate and fantasies about bad things happening to them are constant and obsessive, even if every other aspect of my life is perfect. However it stops at these thoughts - I'd never do anything about it. I am asking you 1) for your advice on how I can confront these demons, and 2) your opinion on if such thoughts are normal or if I need help.

My current "hate crush" is on my ex boss, let's call her Vivian, a belligerent Alpha Female who made me feel incompetent and passed me over for a promotion because I'm shy and uncomfortable in face to face situations (I have never disclosed my Asperger's to any employer). As a result I moved on to a new job, where I happen to be doing fantastically well. Even though this all happened a year ago, and we have bumped into each other since in the most amicable of spirits, I am still fuming about the way I was treated. I keep imagining that in the future, my kids (I am not even married!) are little musical prodigies who out-achieve Vivian's kids and she has a nervous breakdown about it. Worse still, every time I see that a woman has been murdered on the news, I check out the article to see if it's her - if she's anything like the way she is at work at home, her husband is probably more than a little homicidal. My partner, who works at my old workplace, tells me how his boss (who Vivian hates) is doing well, and rather than be happy for his boss, I get a thrill of satisfaction that this will irk Vivian.

If you thought that was a protracted affair, I also still get pangs of hatred towards a girl I haven't seen for 12 years, back when I was at school. She was loud, obnoxious, vacuous, popular and utterly contemptuous of uncool little me. I don't think of her as much, but recently I've been thinking about her again for two reasons - firstly because the Vivian thing reminds me of how again I just took this girl's nonsense, and secondly because I'm about to go back to my home town for Christmas, when I might very well bump in to her. As a result, I have carefully planned what outfits I am going to wear once I'm home on the off-chance that I bump into her, and I want to make it clear to her that I have been successful in education, work, love and musical talents to make her jealous. The thought has crossed my mind that she might have drank herself to death, which I must admit would make me happy.

I think the reason I have all this hatred bottled up is because I've never had the chance to vent at these people and let my rage pour out at them. I've just laid back and took it when they were being cruel and if anything, was nicer to them after they'd been nasty as I have a "turn the other cheek" mentality. I am also very slow witted, despite high intelligence (no common sense!) such that I can't think of a barbed response of equal hurtfulness when people are verbally bashing me.

JUST TO BE CLEAR - Once again I would never do anything about this, all I do is fantasise about bad things happening to these people. I discuss this with only my closest friends and I feel ashamed of myself, as I have a great job (no thanks to Vivian), a wonderful boyfriend, a magnificent family and lots of special talents. If I could just shake if this vindictive streak, my life would be complete - that's would I'd appreciate your help with.

Have you tried writing a letter to these people you hate. Express your anger. Burn the letters.

Then writing a love/encouragement/ forgiveness letter to the you who experienced the mistreatment, embracing the girl you used to be and letting her know that she did not deserve to be treated that way and that you will always be there for her/you.

It is normal to be angry at people who mistreat you. However, it is not healthy to obsess over those who hurt you. Why are you not letting go of your anger? In my experience it is soo much easier feeling angry than hurt/sad. What is the purpose of your anger?

During the times when I held on to anger, it was because I was angry at myself for letting myself get hurt or letting others mistreat me.

Yes, seek help if the obsession continues.

Thanks for the advice, I think the one about the letters is going to help.

I believe the reason I've held on so long to this is because I've also been so angry at myself for letting this happen to me rather than fighting. I guess I need to stop giving myself such a hard time - I am my own worst critic!