Is it Better to Exist, or Not to Exist?

Post Reply New Topic

My wonderful 11 year old son with Aspergers is really struggling with some very deep concepts right now. I'm Catholic, and my husband and I are raising our children Catholic. Although we're taking him to church regularly and he's learning about the traditions, we're not forcing anything on him and are letting him find his own way.

He is really questioning his faith, and therefor the existence of heaven. But he gets very upset at the thought that if there is no heaven, we just cease to exist when we die. He keeps asking "if we just cease to exist after our life is over, then what is the point of living?"

I've tried to explain that we live on in our good works and in our children. I've explained that even though he's just a kid, he's already having a positive effect on the world. He just asks "but what's the point if I won't exist to see the effect I've had?" I've tried all kinds of explanations, but nothing makes him feel better. I've even told him that this is nothing to be upset about, because there are no choices to be made. He DOES exist and all of our lives around him are richer because of it.

I remember exercises from my Philosophy 101 class that started with everyone needing to first agree that it is better to exist than not to exist. I don't know how to argue that it is indeed better to exist.

I would really appreciate any help that you can give me. Also, did anyone else experience these kinds of thoughts as a kid?

Thank you so much!

Yes, I also had very deep thoughts as a kid. My mom's a Christian so she always gave me Biblical explanations for everything.

What makes us so sure we exist now?

I actually had dreams of myself sitting in a white box when I was younger. I felt if religion where true, then growing up and then dying would be upsetting because I'd never truly be able to rest and I'd be stuck in the next life forever. So when I died I would never be able to cease to exist, but I'd be stuck. I think I actually went to my mother hysterically crying about this.

Your sons train of thought seems quite resourceful and thoughtful to say the least, pretty interesting. I suppose my own thoughts where almost the reverse of his.

It may be irrelevant but "your special", to "you make a difference" and other compliments rarely had an effect on me growing up. I always respond better to "thank you so much for ______". If I where having similar issues I suspect I'd be happier with information rather than generic comments.

I believe when I confronted my mom with what I said above I think her exact response was "well, you can't do anything about it now". I think I then went back to bed a bit happier.

i struggled with something similar, MrWizardsMom. i am an atheist and i believe that we cease to exist when we die. eventually i decided that the future isn't real anyways and the past is just a memory, so i try to exist in the current moment. i derive meaning from existing right now, in spite of the past or future.

I wonder if the OP's name is taken from that old movie "The Wizard" .. ?

And hyper, thats some deep thought.

I went through a similar stage. I got over it when it occurred to me what it would really mean to exist for an infinite amount of time. Infinity is really big. Like, it's really big. Insanity would be the inevitable result, and then after you have gone insane, you would get to spend an infinite amount of time mulling over your insanity.

When you think of it like that, it's pretty clear that it is preferable to exist for a finite amount of time, rather than an infinite amount of time. Those are the only two possible options, after all! We're lucky that we get the better of the two options.

I think you should try leaving your son alone and allow him time to develop his own theories about life and the hereafter. The concept of just ceasing to exist might be hard on him now, but that doesn't mean that it always will be. At the same time, try reassuring him that life is ultimately what you make it. Nobody is guaranteed to do anything remarkable in their lives, so we might as well make the best of it while we still can.

I think the answer is..... Does it matter?

I don't know or care if I exist or don't exist or even if I leave a legacy behind. All I want to do is be able to end the day knowing that I have been true to who I am and my ideals. I would prefer to die practicing my own moral code then live and be ashamed. Who is to know what tomorrow may bring? Yes I get mighty upset over some choices i make but I know they were right for me.

hmm that's a hard one, but he kind of does raise a good point even and even I don't have an answer. I mean I like to think there is some sort of consciousness after death but I'm not sure. But the alternative does not necessarily bother me either because there is really nothing I can do about it either way.

I think all of us go through those feelings at that age though some may not remember it. You might just be comforting and reassuring to him as much as possible. It's painful, like a feeling of loss for attachments only worse. Giving lots of comfort is good and he will move through those concerns over time. It's hard growing up and don't know if it really ends that way. We're always learning and coming to new and different understanding. Children feel things very intensely or vividly and just need lots of reassurance, comfort and love and it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job there.

Eh, my own reasoning is that life is what you make of it. You set your own goals and do the best you can with what you've got. Everything dies, but that doesn't mean that it was all for nothing. Not that that's sure to change your son's mind, though. As it seems others have said, maybe just give him some time and some space to work it out o his own.

Redacted

I never been religious but I went through a phase where i questioned the point of existence when I was about 21. I got over it by subscribing the the Secular Humanist philosophy. The point of living is for me to decide; my existence & life is what I make it out to be