Dealing with unreasonable people

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This will be long, but I want to make sure everything is clear.

One of my three flatmates is being inexplicably hostile, unreasonable, and immature towards me. To cut a long story short, I was asked to take our brand new hoover back to the shop because apparently I'd paid too much, for which I apologised. I explained that because it had been a fortnight, the shop might not take it back and it would be better to sell it second-hand on the net. Then the three flatmates m, p, and k agreed I should hold off selling it on the net until I'd checked with the shop. This was on Sunday afternoon. On monday evening p asked me if I'd listed it on the internet yet. The exchange went like this:

Her: "Have you listed it on the internet yet?"

Me: *silence*

Her: "I'll take that as a no."

Me: "No."

Her, in an aggressive sulky tone, "well get on with it then. Do you want to pay for it yourself?"

Me: "No..."

The next morning, I texted her from work to remind her that she and the others had asked me to hold off for the time being (I hadn't had time to check with the shop). The exchange went like this. My quotes are rough from memory, hers, including punctuation and spelling errors, are exact:

Me: "Incidentally, you, m, and k asked me yesterday to hold off listing it on the net, so it's not laziness on my part."

Her: "Whatevr, I don't give an F*** it was ur mistake, fix it and get our money back asap."

Me: "I don't take orders from people who are aggressive and unreasonable. If you want me to do something, ask nicely. I will not accept or tolerate your childishness."

Her: "Get over yourself I realy dont care if your feelings are hurt."

Me: "My feelings aren't hurt. You've got an attitude problem."

Her: "Move out then. You would do us all a favour."

Me: "No. I have been nothing but friendly towards you, but ever since <previous flatmate> moved out, you've treated me as if my very existence annoys you. I'd really like to get on with you, but you won't give me a chance. Seriously, what do you want me to do? In the meantime, I'm staying put."

Her: "If you want to stay where your not wantd thats your choice."


I really don't see what I could have done to deserve this attitude. I was very fair, civil, and honest in what I said and texted. The slightest error on my part (hoover incident notwithstanding) means she goes "straight for the jugular" with aggression. There is no attempt to fix the problem in a civil manner first. To clarify, I don't have a problem with her, but I'm concerned she might follow through and try and poison the flat in an attempt to force me out (m and k don't have a problem with me, we get on fine. They also get on well with p). Also we have a flatwarming party in three days' time. The other thing which concerns me is that by saying she didn't care in her first text, she was asking me to go against the democratic nature of our flat by ignoring what m and k (and also her) had decided together, without me consulting them first. This is blatantly unreasonable. Bascially, she seems to think she can bully me into doing what she wants. Frankly, I'm not interested, and it is very clear to me that any further attempts to discuss the matter with her are futile. I'm not going to give in to her tactics, but I do want to prevent her actions getting out of hand, as she appears to me to be a loose cannon.

At the moment we aren't speaking to each other. I'm prepared to talk to her, but the onus is on her to sort out her attitude first, and she has to make the first move to speak to me. At the moment my approach is this: if she asks me nicely to do something, I will do it. If she doesn't ask nicely, I will not. If she tries to order me around like, "Get out of the way!" or something like that, my approach will be "All I heard was your immaturity. What was the question again?" I know it's annoying but I can't see another way of getting through to her that she owes me some respect, and can't get away with being belligerent. Incidentally, the hoover is now for sale on the net, because the shop wouldn't take it back. It has nothing to do with her, though she will probably regard it as a victory.

The irony is she is about to become head tennant. Luckily p doesn't have any power with that position, it just means that she will be the person the landlady asks for when she phones the house, and whom the landlady expects to deal with matters concerning the remaining three of us. Legally, even the landladies can't throw me out. Currently, at least as I see it, she is the most unsuitable person of the three of us, but I left it up to the three of them to decide if any of them wanted the position, so I'm not going to argue. It will be interesting for sure. In the meantime, is there anything I can do to stop her going "off the rails" and taking matters into her own hands? If not, GAME ON. I'm not leaving, and she will just have to get over herself.

I think you summed it all up in the last two lines. Some people kinda just get off on the feeling that they are better than others and can upset others. It's a shame, and there isn't much that can be done about them. Just give what you get, if you can live with that.

Sounds like she thrives on making drama.
Talk to the other flatmates about her behavior, show them the texts.
And don't let little miss bitchpants push you around.

This is why I still live at the parents house.

Good suggestion. Just be careful you don't end up simply 'bitching' about her though. It has to be done with a motive for actual change, so maybe when you've all shared your concerns with one another (assuming they have concerns - I don't see why they wouldn't from your description), then confront her with your shared opinion. She shouldn't have much material against that, and will have to face up to how she is and that people have highlighted it. Either that or she'll have some childish response which will only reduce her further in people's respects.