What does emotional immaturity mean?

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22 Apr 2012, 4:54 pm

I think it means your emotional reactions are typical to somebody younger than you are, but how does that manifest?

I sometimes will cut off contact if I feel someone insults me, and I can't let it go. Is that emotional immaturity?

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22 Apr 2012, 5:02 pm

Hold a grudge

A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury

- she held a grudge against her former boss

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22 Apr 2012, 5:04 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

I think it means your emotional reactions are typical to somebody younger than you are, but how does that manifest?

That's my understanding of it, yeah.

Sulking if you don't get your way, inability to cope with someone proving you wrong, not apologising to someone even if you know you've hurt them, holding a grudge past the point of reason... I'd consider all these manifestations of emotional immaturity, though it's pretty inextricable from the context.

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

I sometimes will cut off contact if I feel someone insults me, and I can't let it go. Is that emotional immaturity?

Uhh... possibly the not-letting-go, but it really depends on the context, I think. It could also be just cutting off contact from someone not worth your time, but again; it depends.

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CaptainTrips222
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22 Apr 2012, 5:06 pm

It's both. I can't let it go, am happy to spite them through silence, but at the same time want them away from me. I've tried to move beyond this, but often can't. And I've had a lot of friends who were emotionally immature, come to think of it. Birds of a feather...?

TechnoDog
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22 Apr 2012, 5:33 pm

Well this says for a guy:-

http://www.howtokeepher.com/emotional-immaturity.html

& this says for a girl:-

http://hotalphafemale.com/2011/02/how-t ... ature.html

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22 Apr 2012, 5:48 pm

TechnoDog wrote:

Well this says for a guy:-

http://www.howtokeepher.com/emotional-immaturity.html

& this says for a girl:-

http://hotalphafemale.com/2011/02/how-t ... ature.html

Interesting so to become more mature women should act more like men and men should act more like women? guys need to be more emotional, girls need to be less emotional...that seems to be the basic point of that.

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22 Apr 2012, 5:52 pm

I think emotional immaturity also links in with the idea of emotional intelligence, which is defined by Wikipedia as "the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups."

My understanding is that emotional immaturity relates to the level of a person's emotional intelligence. If a person is emotionally immature, it may be that they haven't yet learnt the skills to cope with emotional situations, or have problems controlling their emotions. This may be for various reasons, eg through lack of life experience, or difficulties handling emotions in general. As a result, their reactions may be appropriate to those of a younger person - eg bursting into tears when criticised, or walking away from a problem instead of confronting the issue and dealing with it.

That's not to say it's about being stubborn, over-sensitive, or somehow deficient, though.

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22 Apr 2012, 5:56 pm

TechnoDog wrote:

Well this says for a guy:-

http://www.howtokeepher.com/emotional-immaturity.html

& this says for a girl:-

http://hotalphafemale.com/2011/02/how-t ... ature.html

I know the article explaining emotional immaturity in women was supposedly written by a woman, but it kind of seemed a little sexist in parts. The biggest example was when it compared an emotionally immature woman to a spoiled child who needs to be taught boundaries and rewarded whenever she acts mature. To me, it sounded more like pet training advice than dating advice. I don't know about anyone else, but I believe that training should only apply to pets and children, not grown adults who can function in society.

CaptainTrips222
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22 Apr 2012, 5:58 pm

lundygirl wrote:

I think emotional immaturity also links in with the idea of emotional intelligence, which is defined by Wikipedia as "the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups."

My understanding is that emotional immaturity relates to the level of a person's emotional intelligence. If a person is emotionally immature, it may be that they haven't yet learnt the skills to cope with emotional situations, or have problems controlling their emotions. This may be for various reasons, eg through lack of life experience, or difficulties handling emotions in general. As a result, their reactions may be appropriate to those of a younger person - eg bursting into tears when criticised, or walking away from a problem instead of confronting the issue and dealing with it.
That's not to say it's about being stubborn, over-sensitive, or somehow deficient, though.

Unless the problem can't be dealt with because the OTHER party is emotionally immature themselves.

On that note, since posting this, it occurred to me there's such a thing as emotional intelligence. I glad you brought it up, because I don't know the difference.

lundygirl
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22 Apr 2012, 6:13 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

lundygirl wrote:

I think emotional immaturity also links in with the idea of emotional intelligence, which is defined by Wikipedia as "the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups."

My understanding is that emotional immaturity relates to the level of a person's emotional intelligence. If a person is emotionally immature, it may be that they haven't yet learnt the skills to cope with emotional situations, or have problems controlling their emotions. This may be for various reasons, eg through lack of life experience, or difficulties handling emotions in general. As a result, their reactions may be appropriate to those of a younger person - eg bursting into tears when criticised, or walking away from a problem instead of confronting the issue and dealing with it.
That's not to say it's about being stubborn, over-sensitive, or somehow deficient, though.

You're quite right, if the other party is emotionally immature then it's likely to be difficult to find a way forward. That's probably why phrases like emotional immaturity and emotional intelligence are often used in discussions about relationships and how to improve them.

To add another phrase into the mix, the emotional quotient (EQ) is a measure of a person's emotional intelligence.

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22 Apr 2012, 7:48 pm

Quote:

Emotional Intelligence - Understanding your own emotions and those of others, and being able to use this information to bring about the best outcome for all concerned. Knowing where emotions come from and being able to manage yours and those of others. Knowing what emotions mean; what information they are giving you. Being able to work well with others as well as alone. Being able to combine cognitive knowledge with emotional knowledge and use them in tandem.

Cognitive Intelligence - Intellectual abilities such as logic, reason, reading, writing, analyzing and prioritizing. These go on in your own head and utilize only the neocortez, not the emotional centers of the brain. These do not involve any people skills per se, i.e., you can solve a math equation by yourself, or write an essay by yourself.

COMPARISONS

Being effective both alone and as a team player vs. Only effective when working alone
Being able to manage your own emotions vs. Having temper tantrums, sulking or withdrawing
Being able to empathize with others and knowing where they're coming from vs. Not being able to grasp the feelings of others and understand how the emotions are affecting the situation
Using an emotional appeal to convince someone of something. Using an intellectual appeal to convince someone of something
Knowing that motivation is a feeling word v. Thinking that motivation is a thinking word.

Quote:

KEY POINT

Many people with very high IQs (cognitive intelligence) do poorly in work and relationships because they have low EQs (emotional intelligence). They sabotage themselves because they can't manage their own emotions or those of other people, and they sabotage projects because they may have all the logical, rational and analytical “answers,” but they don’t have the “soft” skills to move a project forward.

BENEFITS

Emotional intelligence accounts for more success and happiness in life than intellectual intelligence.

To offer a compensatory model between EI and IQ, that posits that the association between EI and job performance becomes more positive as cognitive intelligence decreases, an idea first proposed in the context of academic performance.

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22 Apr 2012, 9:05 pm

Inyanook wrote:

Sulking if you don't get your way, inability to cope with someone proving you wrong, not apologising to someone even if you know you've hurt them, holding a grudge past the point of reason... I'd consider all these manifestations of emotional immaturity, though it's pretty inextricable from the context.

I think that should be the definition of immaturity, but unfortunately some people call me immature because of my Aspie traits... lack of reciprocity, etc.

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