Arguments over nothing

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I hate arguments over nothing. I had a weird one with my Mum this morning. She's quite clearly on the spectrum and, in fact, my daughter's diagnosis report could be about her. We sometimes clash because I'm pedantic and exacting and also she does not make herself clear and thinks people know more about a subject than they do, among other reasons. When anyone asks her to explan it more, she thinks they're acting stupid, but they really don't know what the story is about, e.g. the one a few days ago about missing pigeons, which we eventually got to the bottom of. But, we get along most of the time, it's just every now and again that I think, 'I should just have shut up sooner'. Anyway, I had a stupid argument with her this morning - they always are stupid and I never know why she's reacting the way she does. We haven't fallen out, but I expect she'll be out of sorts all day, until I see her at dinner time.

My daughter's unhappy at school and there has been a few incidents which have led me to believe that one of the teachers has no clue what ASDs are about. My Mum mentioned the fact that my daughter wears a logo polo shirt and trousers to school, instead of a blouse, tie and pinafore. This is for sensory reasons, but a completely acceptable uniform which many of the kids wear and is listed in the handbook as uniform. My Mum was talking about how my daughter doesn't wear the uniform and the teachers might think we're the sort of parents who don't care. I explained over and over that she does wear the uniform. Also, the depute head has made it clear to me that she knows we're good, caring parents, so I'm in no doubt about how the teachers view our family. Anyway, I asked why she thought a teacher would treat a child differently just because their parents didn't care (although I'm certain it's not the case with us)? Surely that would be wrong. She took offence at this, not that I was criticising her, just the idea that this might be the case (which it was when she was a kid). Then she said, 'Oh, I wish I'd never mentioned it', and gave the phone to my Dad. I heard her ask him if I was crying. Why would I be crying? I know my daughter is well looked after and so does my Mum. I know she wasn't suggesting otherwise. She does indeed wear proper uniform and has blouses, a tie and pinafores that she won't wear. In fact, the polo shirts are much more expensive than blouses, so if spending money on your child is in question, then the polo shirt wearers have more spent on them. Honestly. I've no idea what she's going on about and why she argued with me. Maybe it's because every time she said, 'She doesn't wear uniform', actually meaning that she doesn't wear a blouse and tie, I told her that she does wear uniform (pedantic, yes, but also true). She was suggesting that my daughter's clothing is somehow less official, but according to the school handbook, it's not.

As if I don't have enough to worry about, with an unhappy child, my Mum starts arguing with me about nothing at all.

I had one of those arguments with my mum this morning over the phone. The two of us were arguing over how I should live my life. I told her that I was proud of the fact that I got my life back on track almost three years ago. She told me that I can remember things from the past that I like, but I should live for today.

I phoned her back and quizzed her on it. I asked her if she told me to live in the present, because she wanted me to be more like my younger sister. I also asked her if she wanted me to be just like my same sexed peers.

She bitched, "You were always trying to live your life in some decade. First you tried to be a Beatle, than you tried to be a Kink and than you tried to be Austin Powers!" I retorted, "I was being myself in the mid 90s when I was dressing like The Kinks!" She had the audacity to ask, "You were?" I told her, "I've got to go now, good bye!" She said, "Don't leave all pissed off! I think that you've phoned me, just to look for a fight!" I said, "That's not the case, and I've really got to go now! Good bye, I'll talk to you later!" and than I hung up.

I left for a few minutes to blow off some steam. I got back and saw that my mum called me back. We started out talking about my niece and than I got down to the bottom of it and apologized for hanging up on my mum in anger. My mum said, "I don't compare you to your sister and I don't want you to try to be like everybody else. I also now know that you dress like The Kinks because you like those clothes."

I wonder how long that spell of acceptance is going to last, though.