Do you write on Uncyclopedia? Post your articles here

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Aspergers have a good sense of humor. Do you contribute to Uncyclopedia? If so, post some of your articles here.

Some of mine:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Istockphoto (Strange, I already added links to it :/)

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Present

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Quiz

Quiz isn't a very good one though.

( I checked the rules and I don't think this topic is against the rules, but I 'm not sure)

I don't write on Uncyclopedia, but I would love it if you or someone else would create an article about me there. Yes I know to be on Uncyclopedia means I will be mercilessly mocked. That's okay. I'm still bummed that there is no article about me on Wikipedia yet, although several Wikipedia articles link to pages on my web site as references (most notably the essay I wrote for university about the Choctaw trail of tears).

If you (or anyone) is willing to do this, here are some links to get some material about me:
*My official web site is The Bicycling Guitarist It has been at this URL since 2001 but moved there from another domain that started in 1997.
*My YouTube channel is BicyclingGuitarist.

Here are some more tidbits to play with:
*I have ridden tens of thousands of miles "no hands" since the early 1980s playing guitar while I ride a bicycle.
*I have written dozens of original songs including Spank the Naughty Blonde and Puddle of Puke (these aren't necessarily my best songs, just two off the top of my head that seem most suited to mention in Uncyclopedia).

*My guitar is named Annie because it is an Anniversary model Fender Stratocaster.
*My Schwinn ten-speed bicycle is named The Minstrel Cycle since I have been called a traveling minstrel.
*According to a newspaper article from the Roseburg, Oregon News-Review on October 15, 2007, it is leprechauns running alongside my bicycle that enable me to do this. I read it in the news so it must be true!

There is an evil twin from an alternate reality who resembles me but with a crazed expression on his face. He dresses all in black, plays a black Anniversary guitar named "Versie" (the evil twin of Annie, Annie and Versie are both Anniversary model Strats), and rides a black ten-speed bicycle named the Twinstrel Cycle.

I went to university with Peter Griffin of the Family Guy TV show, but as you can see, it didn't work out (as I couldn't see!). Feel free to use this image linked from my web site in the article, or copy it and upload it to Uncyclopedia servers, whatever.

Most of my posts on WrongPlanet and elsewhere on the internet are about the controversy over teaching evolution in public schools. I think it is insane that half the adults in the USA are so incredibly misinformed about this subject because of LIES they have been told about the evidence for evolution.

There is much to mock here. Go for it! thanks

I don't think that they will accept articles of people who aren't very well known. But I'd love to write articles about hilarious jokes from creationists, you don't even need to make jokes yourself because creationists are very good comedians.

I have fans from all over the world. I've been doing this for thirty years and am becoming better known more and more faster and faster nowadays. Try it! See what happens! Oh you were too fast for me. I was still editing my post when you replied. I added more details to my original post.

Yeah you can't mock creationists any better than they mock themselves by denying or distorting reality.

^^^
i pray you NEVER fall off your bike.

ty auntblabby.

It's interesting that you mention that because the worst hurt I've experienced from doing this just happened a few months ago.

I was badly hurt this past June 1 when the old brittle plastic of the seat post clamp holding my bicycle's metal U-lock split open. I had just tightened the clamp screw the day before, as I had to do from time to time over the decades as road vibration would shake the clamp looser. I was riding home after playing at a bar for four hours when the clamp broke and the bicycle lock tangled with my pedal. My face hit the pavement a second later smashing my glasses and tearing my face open in two places needing stitches. There was blood everywhere! Note that this was catastrophic equipment failure due to old brittle plastic and had nothing to do with whether or not I was playing guitar on the bicycle.

The guitar body hit the gear shift lever assembly on the way down, leaving deep gouges in the body but probably also taking some of the force of the impact. The guitar also scraped along the pavement flattening part of the curve of the body shape (again, probably taking some of the impact away from me).

For twenty years my guitar stayed in tune a week at a time even going between warm dry indoors and cold wet outdoors and back again. After the crash it no longer stayed in tune more than a few seconds. Happily a miracle worker at the local music store took it apart and tightened some stuff inside so it stays in tune again.

I had to replace the rear rack on my bicycle (split in two places) and the gear shift assembly. My Pignose amp also died a month after the crash after I'd been using it for ten years, probably a direct result of the crash. I now have a Roland MicroCube that is twice as big, twice as heavy and twice as expensive as the Pignose but has more sound options and also is much louder for the same battery power.

I wasn't able to ride for a month or more after the crash, but I have since then and plan to continue until the day I die or until I am no longer able to do so. It is who I am and what I do. I am The Bicycling Guitarist. I play guitar and sing better now than I did before the crash a few months ago, but that might not be the case if I crash again.

Here's the deal: I am fifty-two years old and not getting any younger. I have dozens (maybe hundreds) of original songs that have never been recorded decently, and I have never been filmed professionally doing what I do on the bicycle. IF any of you reading this want to hear quality recordings of my original songs and see quality videos of me doing what I do on the bicycle, or maybe even some day see me doing this in person at a concert where I ride and play, you need to get busy promoting me so I can be "discovered" by somebody or some agency that likes what it sees and hears and thinks they can make some money from my art, or (less likely) if they love art for art's sake and sponsor me for that. I do what I can, posting links to my Beatles covers on Beatles fan web sites, posting links to my Red Baron song on World War One aviation web sites, and so on, plus I play every week now a two hour show that so far is getting better over time. I've done all I can think of to do, considering I live in a rather small town and not a big city full of tourists. If it happens, it happens. If not, well, I gave it my best shot.

Any help is greatly appreciated (links to my web site or YouTube videos from any sites or Facebook pages you have, vote me up on whatever site voting apps you have, tell anyone you know in the music or entertainment industry about me, talk me up, etc.) It isn't just for me or my vanity as an artist. If I can somehow get any compensation for my music and performance art, the local library, animal shelter, and food pantry will benefit, my cats will be better taken care of, and I won't forget my friends and family. Plus if I go on talk shows or the like the subject of my autism will likely come up, and I will gladly help raise public awareness.

Peace

^^^
the reason i mentioned it in the first place was because last aug. 23 i was messed up thoroughly when a deer wanted to be in the same spot i was headed for, and we collided, throwing me over the handlebars and depositing me hard onto the pavement, resulting in contusions/bruises/lacerations/bone fractures/surgery/blood infusion. i was messed up for over a month and only recently got to riding on a 3-wheel trike- no more bikes for me due to balance issues/subtle brain damage from electrolyte loss in the brain due to blood loss. so naturally i thought of you and your constant exposure to bike danger. i would hate to see your talent get brain-damaged in a similar way. at least your guitar was fixable and that you didn't get broken bones, something to be thankful for. i wish i knew people in music or anything influential so i could tell 'em about you. but i don't know anybody. sorry.
musically yours,
bruce the moose

^^^

I remember your being hurt. Big ouch!

We all gonna die someday. It might be a shame if I die before the fruits of all my decades of bicycle guitaring are recorded for posterity, but then if some of the predictions of some ideas of physics are correct, every past moment I played has just as much reality STILL as the present moment. According to some ideas of some philosophies (that happen to be supported by those ideas of physics), the past is not gone, the future already here, but we only perceive the present. So if those ideas are correct, then I already HAVE been recorded for posterity (and in infinite resolution, ultimate high fidelity), except there is no posterity. Everything is now.

Besides there are a few minutes worth of relatively low resolution videos of me riding and playing, and a couple hours worth of crappy audio recordings of me playing and singing, and my opinions on various subjects (mainly evolution) are scattered all over the internet the past fifteen years or so. As I understand it, the wayback machine and other places take "snapshots" of everything on the internet once in a while so as long as humanity continues to exist, there already is a record of who I am and what I do (unless there is major war or planet-wide natural disaster, either or both of which are possible).

I am not bad as a guitar player and I am not ashamed of my original lyrics, plus I do all this on a freaking bicycle. I really don't know why I am not better known after all these decades. I *know* hundreds of thousands of people have seen me doing this over the years, and the reaction most often seen when they see me are smiles brought to their faces. That cheers me some even though I ride and play to ease my own pain, not to entertain them. I appreciate your concern and your encouragement. I am sorry you were hurt and hope you are better now (and avoid such hurt in future), but... we all gonna die!

Peace

^^^
perhaps we'll meet in heaven sometime