Comebacks!

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Ever had an insult thrown at you and said nothing at the time, but then later you think of the perfect thing to say??? Well, tell us about it! I need some material!

You need a book of insults mate. They usually have perfect material. Just these two come from Winston Churchill, who actually had a wit in that head of his. (Possibly paraphrased quotes)

Female MP: Mr Churchill, if I was your wife, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it!


Voter: I'd sooner vote for the devil than for you!
Churchill: I understand sir, but if your friend isn't running, may I count on your support?

My most effective comebacks involve self depreciating humor taken to the extreme.....if some one would say that I was ugly..
I would reply with.....Im not blind,I do OWN mirrors no matter how much I dread them and I would say ugly is quit a good example of an understatement in my case.....I prefer the descriptive term.....hideously deformed monster.....(then I work on the pity of the other insecure souls around me)but its not like I have a choice....I didnt get to pick the bizarre genetic accident that became my face.I could seek retribution from the evil ones who spawned me but they are a couple of trailer trash rats...(nice folks mind ya)but poor as s**t.(then if possible and appropriate I can mention how stupid they are,or poorly read or boring)and say that I envied the fact that that was something that they could change....to bad they were to lazy to(its a sideways insult).....I actually got a lot of laughs from the crowds they were trying to impress but they were probably laughing at my oddness more then my humor....Didnt matter,people did learn not to pick on me if for no other reason that to NOT be bored into a coma with these monologues.

I think this kind of humor only works if ....they are not telling you anything new(I am no beuaty queen)and you have a general disrespect for the individuals opinion in the first place(because they are usually morons I dont respect.)If someone who I really liked and respected me insulted me I would be hurt and speechless....but they are a rare lot.

A comeback is only useful if it has a legitimate effect on your social status. "You're ugly" is almost never a good comeback, but "you're not experienced enough" might be.

as an "NT" I would say the very best comeback you could offer is a blank stare...the kind where you look through the person. If you don't like eye stares stare at their eyebrows so they can't tell...just stare right past the moments of uncomfortable silence....if they say something more just keep staring. I mean this, it really leaves a person with nothing to say and they won't have any idea what you are thinking and it makes NT's very uncomfortable...VERY. So, just stare.

Works every time!

someone says something negative, in spite or simply teasing: I could never tell and sometimes still can't but I give people the benefit of the doubt as most people, especially at my age in college don't try to be intentionally mean.

I used to get confused and not say anything or defend myself and it would get awkward, because usually people were just trying to verbally play or compete, and consider it fun to challenge others verbally and expect to get a challenge back. They expect you to come up with you own witicism mocking them. But thats extremely hard when you are not a competitive person and are uncomfortable being challenged, to come up with your own.

So what I do is simple: agree with them. "Are you gay?" (inevitable)---"yes, actually I am, you've finally discovered my secret" (with a lisp). "you are so weak"--"I know, I am a weakling and I can't do anything"

Agree with them and maybe add a little bit more and you will be sarcastic. Better than being awkward. They will see it as a challenge back, like, you are mocking them because they are the one with the problem.

I certainly wouldn't go into elaborate self deprecation, as yes, NTs consider this very odd, as the point is that they were trying to have fun (even if its not), and it ceases to be so when a person begins beating themselves up.

here are some comebacks:

"thats not what your girlfriend said last night"

"point taken you son of a b***h I hope you rot in hell" (hmm, on second thought maybe that won't work

"I'm glad you trust me enough to come to me with this concern about yourself. Would you like to talk about it?"

HAHA!! !
Those are good!
This is an area that I have a lot of trouble with...even if I remember these last ones, I'll forget to apply them when needed
My life is all about "Doh! I should have said ....."

A funny one a guy at work does is when someone teases him, he says - Oh, really? Oh, hey...I've got something for you...*sticks hand in pocket and pulls out hand with middle finger up*
I love it! But I don't think I could do it...

I know you are, but what am I?

I was rarely able to throw out comebacks. No ideas what to do in the case of teasing. Problem? - My brain works too slow and I just can't figure it out in less than a few seconds, the time it takes to be witty. My solution? - Do absolutely nothing. I ignored all forms of teasing. I refused to participate in games of witty comebacks. If someone was kicking the back of my chair in elementary school, well they could kick their little hearts out all day and get absolutely no response from me, even though it bugged the crap out of me. When they would tease me about it, try to get a response when the kicking wasn't working, they got nothing. I did this my whole way through school. Hence, there were times when teasing would begin, but they wouldn't last long. People generally left me alone because they got no positive reinforcement to continue. I may have taken this to an extreme, and probably got left out of some fun, but it was all I could do. I hated their silly games anyway. So, I had few friends bc I couldn't even do the "fun" wit games, but I didn't want to put up with the stupid games, and I didn't have to put up with teasing from others either.

This reminds me of this restaurant in Chicago called "Ed Debevic's". It's a 50's diner, serving traditional American foods (read: high-fat); the food there really good, from what this girl I dated told me. The waitstaff in that restaurant act arrogant and rude to customers, and you're supposed to act rude back to them. The whole thing is intentional, and the place gets a lot of good reviews (presumably from NTs). But one thing for sure: it is NOT an aspie-friendly business.

Whatever the insult is, say 'your mom', then repeat the insult back. It's funny, and effective. Atleast in my case. I also say other things, but they're WAY too inappropriate to mention.....

Generally i tend to say either 'well done' or 'you're clever'.

Saying score is fun too. Makes no sense, and lightens the situation.

"you know, you would have inner peace and be a nicer person if you just come out of the closet and stop denying your gay".