I would like a baby :)

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I was at the local Fall Festival today, and I ran into the family that runs the antique mall that my dad and I used to drive to in a rural area about a half hour away (We used to go there so often, they know me really well - they know I'm "all right," since I like vintage toys and stuff, and was always sweet to the owner's youngest daughter when she was a baby ) Well, the woman who owns the antique mall is now a grandma - her oldest daughter now has an adorable 6-week old daughter. The baby's grandma and great-grandma even let me hold her for a little while, and they took a picture and texted it to me.

I loved holding the little baby....she seemed to really like me - she didn't fuss or cry at all, and she was just placidly staring at all the items in her great-grandma's antique store (antiques run in their family, I guess). I kept showing the baby various things, saying, "Look, Hadley, that's a tea set - see the pretty tea set?" and "Look, Hadley, those are books - see the books?" in a soft, high-pitched voice.

And it made me realize....I miss having a little baby around to pamper, cuddle, play with and lavish affection on. It was fun when Pandy (my middle half-sister) was a little baby - she wanted to do things with me all the time, and was incredibly lovey and affectionate. I loved doing anything that would make her giggle, wave her arms and clap her hands. I remember once when my mom and stepdad were at the hospital having BirdGirl (my youngest half-sister), and it was just me (9 years old), Pandy (then two years old), and our grandma at the house. I was starting to get worried about my mom, since we hadn't heard from them since the previous night, and I missed her, and I was worried that the new baby wouldn't like me and that having another little kid under the age of 5 around the house would mean I'd be left alone more often, because of the needy baby and toddler. I started to cry, and Pandy toddled over to me, started clumsily patting my knee, and asking me, "You 'kay? Peeky, you 'kay?"

BirdGirl was fun when she was a baby, too, but she was always very cranky and didn't really like to be with anyone but our mom. Now that she's 13, though, she and I have a much better relationship...she's actually a lot like I was at that age.

Anyway, yeah....I just really like babies and toddlers. I feel "safe" with them in a way I don't feel safe with other adults and people my own age. Babies are soft and cuddly, they don't really talk or ask you a lot of questions, and they love pretty much everything you do, whether you tickle them, play peekaboo with them, give them food or toss them up in the air. They're really easy to please, too - if they cry or fuss, you just feed them, change them, make sure they're not sick or have any pins sticking them, sing to them, rock them, play with them, or turn on Barney or Winnie the Pooh for them and they're happy.

On the other hand, I don't really know if I should have kids....I just don't think I'd make a good disciplinarian. I love little kids so much, that I think everything they do is cute, funny, or photograph-worthy...even when they're being naughty on purpose. Whenever Pandy or Birdgirl did naughty things when they were little, I would often have trouble stifling my laughter. Also, I worry that I wouldn't make a good parent....I feel like I'm too much of a "big kid" myself. Not in a bad way, in that I put my own needs first all the time and have unrealistic expectations of little kids; I just want to have fun with them. I don't want to be the one to say "no" or send them to time out and take away video games and stuff.

There are some times when I just really want a baby....is this weird for someone my age? Do I just have a really strong maternal instinct? Also, I want a baby, but I don't want to be married to someone at the same time. I don't know if I could handle both!

I want one too. I am dying to be a mommy, and I know I'll be a damn good one. But I can't seem to find a decent spouse, and I do want to be married. My dream has always been to be a stay at home mom. I don't like money, making or spending it. It would be nice to devote all my time and attention to a home and family.

Remember that they aren't always cute and when they are screaming in the middle of the night, or breaking something priceless to you, you cannot put them away or send them back. You sound like you're seeing the highlight reel and you have to look at the outtakes as well.

This post caught my eye, and I'm saying this stuff to you LtlPinkCoupe, because I've seen too many people just jump in and have a baby based on mostly cuteness and smiles and 'Kodac moments,' and ended up regretting it deeply (and the baby itself) when they found out it's wasn't like they thought it would be.

This is likely when she's well rested, fed, and not having colic or a poopy diaper. Can you handle her when she's in a full blown meltdown, running into things and grabbing them off the shelves (like she will eventually be doing when she reaches toddler stage) and not listening to you? When she's a toddler, she very likely won't be (or stay) that calm. And you have to keep your eye on her. Toddlers can bring down a glass display in an instant or get into chemicals. In an instant.

You're thinking of her as a baby. Babies are often always cute to many people. But they also grow up. Can you handle a sullen, angry teenager that was a 'calm' happy baby? Sometimes that stage doesn't pass either, and they become sullen, angry adults who are miserable, even to their parents.

Because you aren't the parent who has to set rules and be the parent. Start laying down the rules and telling her that she can't do this or that, and she won't be as 'chummy' towards you. And she's still yet to hit the 'terrible teens' stage. 13 is still very easygoing and affectionate.

They don't stay babies. They grow up. And sometimes you get a willful baby.

This bolded quote is why I think you might want to reconsider the baby option, at least for a few years. Babies, toddlers, and teenagers need discipline. Without it you risk raising a monster that will run roughshod over you, other people and at minimum (and at best) will end up being an entitled person who is unpleasant to deal with. At worst they end up sitting in the back of a police car because they have no respect for others or their property, because they weren't taught boundaries, self control, or respect by their parents. A lot of times you can't be their friend, and you have to use tough love.

It's not weird, but it is unrealistic and extremely unwise at this point, especially as it's based on sentimentality and 'Kodac moments,' both which are not good reasons to bring a whole human being into the world just for.

I'm not saying any of what I told you to be mean. But I've seen too many women and girls regret the decision to have a baby because they didn't think it through, only thought about the cute 'baby stage' when considering having one and didn't really know or consider what they also were going to be giving up.

You are going to be giving up extra money, extra time, and extra freedom to do what you want, and all of these 'extra's' will now be going towards the baby. No extra money for special interests, no extra time to be alone, you will be constantly tired (as babies tend to get up 2-3 times a night for the first year or so) and the baby isn't guaranteed to be healthy, happy or calm like those other babies.

Your body won't end up being the same after birth, and you might end up being incontinent, loose 'down there,' and with a gooshy non-flat stomach that never goes away. Plus in some cases the baby tears you open when it comes out or you're pushing too long, and you end up with a tear that doesn't close, and leaves you pooping out of your vagina. Also, many single men aren't interested in dating you once you have a baby, since you will be already tied up with 'baggage' and he might not like helping to support a kid that isn't his, especially for years.

I will say this too, can you cope, if the kid does not come out like you wanted it? If it comes out disabled, has an anti-social personality, or has a drug problem when it becomes a teenager? Because that happens a lot too. Plus they become estranged adults, or eager to put you in a nursing home, they don't necessarily want to deal with an elderly person who poops themselves, has dementia, or could be disabled. And I'm saying that because many people have kids to 'take care of them when they're old' which is not a guarantee, nor should person be born with a 'job', already being obligated to do or be something for the parents.

If you are still intent on having a baby, you can try getting a job at a day care. This will expose you to how babies are, and gives you an idea of whether you really want one or not and can afford it (as babies are also very expensive and can put you into debt.) Sometimes it's exposure to what other personalities a baby could have, that helps you in figuring out that part of yourself.

Remember, they do not stay babies forever. They will start walking and getting into everything, running off and not listening to you, they will test you, then they will start asking you a bunch of questions and asking you the same ones over and over and not accept your answer so they will keep on asking, and don't forget the terrible teens and the nagging you would have to do.

Being around kids is different than parenting them. I once read online at Empowering Parents, if your kid is getting mad at you, you are doing your job. They will also say they hate you or say you are mean. It's actually not manipulation they are doing because they don't have the ability to express themselves well so I read it's important to tell them how they are feeling and that it's okay to be upset and be sad and why they feel that way and it's not hate they are feeling and they do not hate you. You do have to be tough as a parent and that is being able to not take this personally if they do it and being able to handle it logically.

I think this is what cats are for

To answer your question, I don't think it's weird to want a baby in your early 20s! By all rights, up until quite recently I think people generally had babies when they were much younger than they do today. If ya think about it, biologically we're kinda programmed to have children much earlier than then. It's only a cultural or societal norm to wait until a later age these days. Perhaps you do have a strong maternal instinct, but there's nothing wrong with that!

BUT!! I would take note of what other people are saying here, babies are friggin' hard work and kinda cute in a controlled environment, but the reality of living with one full-time and bringing a child up is a huge task. I lived with my nephew when he was at that 2-3 year old transition and it was pure insanity. Sleepless nights were the norm. I understand how you might be like YES! End result = BABY! but there are a lot of intermediary steps to ensuring that your child will grow up in a supportive environment, and unfortunately a stable relationship with the father is one of them!