Good English- An Object Lesson (READ)

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Good morning, afternoon, evening or night. (Please choose appropriately according to timezone)

This is a community service announcement.

I have noticed that around the whole of this BBS, there has been an alarming drop in standards of English reading and writing. And an alarming increase in the use of that base defilement of the English language, l33tspeek.

Now, I have with me here young Bernard, sometimes known as TehL33tDethMstr.

((Apologies to anyone with this actual name on WP, unless you really do speak l33tspeek))

Say hello, Bernard.

"Hello."

Now, before we get on to the education process, I should point out that I have no objection to certain internet abbreviations, such as LOL, ROFL, LMAO, and the occasional use of STFU. However, I believe in moderation in all things, except for those things that should never ever be considered. L33tspeek is pretty far down the list, some height above murder, but a little below putting vinegar on chips.

((I hate that, but I put it in there for humour value. I don't think it's THAT bad...))

"But I like vin-"

Shut it, you. Now, we come to this. Now, how would you say this phrase, Bernard?

(Holds up sign saying "These guys are the best at killing people in first person shooters")

"Ummmm...."

Think carefully, Bernard. Think very, very, VERY carefully.

"Theze H4XXORS R TEH L33T PWNERS N FPSes!"

Wrong!

(Hits Bernard, hard on the head with the sign)

Try again.

"Owww...."

The correct answer can include the abbreviation "FPSes", but should be spoken like this: "These guys are the best at killing people in first person shooters" Depending on the context, you may substitute "killing" with "kicking arse", or synonyms for derrieres. Also note that you responded mostly in capital letters and numbers. Please refrain from that. Otherwise...

(Brings the sign down, hard, again on Bernard's noggin)

Here endeth the first lesson. Here's hoping Bernard's skull, as thick as it is, can withstand it...

"Owwww....."

*Laughs heartily*

Everyone who practices bad grammar on a daily basis ought to have their eyes forcibly removed and used as ice cubes.

After all, I am a parnassian poet!

((Claps heartily

I had no idea what a parnassian poet was, but upon reading about it, while it isn't my go, I applaud your committment to good English. And, in your case, good French, if that's how you write the poems...

I was inspired by a Monty Python sketch on "How to Spot A Mason". At the end, a Mason ends up in one of Terry Gilliam's animations, and given Pavlovian training to be 'cured'. I thought, after seeing even Alex succumb to using 'pwn' outside of a humourous/ironical context, I needed to go to action. And all this BS about "All Your bases are belong to us". I mean, look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero_Wing_%28translations%29.

Ayyiyiyiyiyiyiyi, some people. Anyway, I needed to wind down after this morning's attack by spammer-guy, aka atomika. He hurt me personally, and I decided to channel that anger into this, creatively.))

Add to the list anybody who ends a sentence with "so", "but" or "yeah".

Behold, let us go on a 13375p34k3r hunt!! !! !! *Loads M82A1, takes colt.45s, and loads supplies into his jeep*

((I think "AYBABTU" is getting old....))

73h 1337 H4Xx0r5 \/\/i11 r|_|13 411!! !

All your TehL33tDethMstrs belong to me! (couldn't resist).

((Please, ahayes, this is merely a lesson. That is, use English in most situations. Or else you get concussion. ))

Does any one have a problem with my Antics with Semantics?

*Holds dictionary into the air*

By the good book, we will purge 1337 spelling everywhere!!

*Gets out pistols and fires wildly into the air*