Why Am I So odd....and Why won't anyone tell it to my face?

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I feel like everything I do is just, different, odd. I don't know. Even if I try so hard to understand and try at doing everything right - there's just this thing about me, about how I think, my behaviors but mostly it's just this general inability to 'see things as others see them'...in the way they see them. I just can't grasp this, no matter how hard I try. I know I can't wait to get home and just be my odd...(what I realize is odd- the older I get) self ....and to put down the act, which seems to energize everyone else but it exhausts and bewilders me.

And now there's this crazy thought I just had that was like "well what if you're just making this up because it's late and your tired, and you're just imagining this" . "Even though you feel it and it's real, WHAT IF you're just imagining the scenario and it feels real.....but it's just vivid imagination." God I don't know. I hate when my mind messes with me.

I feel like this sometimes though....odd, like I said. I hate admitting it but I'm pretty sure - it's true. I also don't get why those close to me won't straight square with me or tell me how I really am, or how they perceive me at all if I'm different.

This sucks, now I'm having mind games doubting me if"this is just a fear of mine". I mean how crazy is this I'm thinking about this because I had it as a thought, and feeling actually based in real experience. I hate my ocd.


I feel like this is huge. It's terrible if the full realization of what I'm realizing is actually true, which I think that it is - I almost feel like other people would label me a "psychopath" because of how disconnected and socially "detached" I Really am. ...But i can't help it and I don't want to feel that way. I hate feeling that I'm different i feel diseased or something like its weird I have intense acute actual knowledge - which people seem to Lack - or if they have it seem to pay little value to it. But that's All I have. I feel like logic is my whole life.
There's something wrong there.
I always thought I was normal but then again I was always just inside me and I never knew anything than what I knew if that makes sense.

I'm tired.

You think that other people think that you are odd but they never tell it to your face. You wonder if it (other people thinking you are odd) is just your imagination but you are quite sure (or you know) it is real. That's what you are saying, isn't it?

I feel that way, too, but I know I'm not imagining. People never tell it to my face but I know from the way they treat me that I'm considered as a freak. By now I know that I'm not capable of pretending to be "normal". It can sometimes be very uncomfortable to know I'm an outcast but I just accept the reality. Well, at least I accept myself. That's the most important thing.

It's actually impossible to know exactly what other people think of you because people are almost never fully honest about that kind of thing. So it's best not to worry about that.