I've just spent the day in bed sick with the flu in Sydney, Australia. You're welcome!
And I just did some online tests to see if I am an Aspie. I think I am. And again, you're welcome!
There are so many cool videos on the net posted by so many great people describing their childhood and their struggles in life (especially life at school); I related a bit too well and started to wonder why what was being presented resonated so well with my own life experiences.
I also started to wonder why I am attracted to people who some call weird. And why so many people called me weird. It made sense to at least consider that I too may be an Aspie.
A good friend of mine committed suicide a few months ago now. He had Asperger's Syndrome. Nick was the first person I met who was diagnosed from an early age with Asperger's. Nick was a gifted musician and we had some great jams and wrote a few songs together too.
Our friendship wasn't a terribly close friendship but we saw each other weekly for a number of years and I felt I knew him as well as I could as he would seem to push away when I tried to meet anymore frequently. Thankfully his mother explained what was going on so I would understand and not misunderstand his actions.
It's odd looking back and especially so considering I think I have the same condition but possibly not to the same extent. It's odd also because I wonder how I have treated people in the past and not considered how my own actions may have been interpreted by my "weird" attempts at making friends and following my own agendas and schedules and systems of coping with my emotions.
I used to think I was just cold but I wonder now whether I feel too much and wanted to take a break from so much stress in dealing with other people.
Anyway, I'm wondering what to do now. I am recently employed full-time as an IT Project Manager with a Not For Profit (and loving it so far) but I'm waiting for the inevitable people struggles to raise it's ugly head. I can usually last about a year before I feel the stress of the people I work with bringing about a change to my working life. I usually pick up that I should leave or change positions (if the organisation is big enough).
Over the years I have picked up enough social skills to play the social game well enough but there are few people I actually feel enjoy my company for enjoyments sake. And this is where the stress starts for me.
I want to love and be loved. There just don't appear to be many people who actually want to live that way. I don't mean love to be like something from the hippy 1960 days ... Just really enjoying each other's company.
I have experienced this with a few groups of friends for a while. I look for those people who can live openly and just like each other but it's getting more and more rare to actually find them.
I am still looking so I haven't given up.
Anyway, those are my random words for tonight.
Love Harry.
31 Mar 2015, 4:56 am
. I haven't been there in a while myself. Oh well, time to change sigs
