What is meant by support?

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My dumb question of the day:

What is meant by support? Are you not meant to give advice when someone asks for support? Are you meant to say, "You poor thing. I feel sorry for you." etc. and that's it?
I seem to be getting into trouble a lot for trying to help people (i.e offering advice) and then I'm told, "This is supposed to be a support website" or "I'm only looking for support."
Other people seem to give advice and that's ok so I'm really confused.
Maybe my advice just sucks.
I'm sorry for giving sucky advice, everyone.
I won't give any more advice.
I'll just talk amongst myself.
Or not speak at all.
As usual.

Support is whatever the seeker defines as support.
The Haven has different rules for the more sensitive support issues (so some sympathy and empathy is being requested) and PPR being the worst place to seek support (unless of course the desired support is barroom-esque brawl), it depends on the sub-forum .
Sometimes people need to talk for a while about their problems before they are ready to go into 'problem-solving mode', it depends.

I give unsuitable advice, I'm given unsuitable advice too! (Not on purpose of course)
Its a public forum for people who may experience communication challenges, the support will be at a varying international layman levels, usually not at professionally trained standards and IMO this site works well in a climate that encourages being supportive at a layman level.

I like your posts! They are usually practical or useful, or have that great Australian sense of humor which I enjoy! Don't stop!

Sorry for being helped by your sucky advice.
And you will, should give advice because your advice is really helpful.

You could never give unsuitable advice, Amity. You always know the right thing to say. Some people were born to speak. I was born for silence. I think the problem is I talked in my head for so long I can't reciprocate conversation appropriately. I say what I would want to hear instead of what is good for the other person to hear.


Thank you. But I think I will refrain from posting for a while. Or post in threads that don't require interaction, as such.

That's nice. Thanks.

Lol I've made my share of unsuitability syrupy Haven posts, they really belonged in off the wall, or the random comments threads
I disappeared into myself for a quite a few months and couldn't really communicate, the longer it went on, the more my communication skills declined, I know you understand the stuff about practice, I wont go there.
Edit to add: Drawyer is onto something... Advice might not always be suited to the OP, but I'll bet there are/will be lurkers/others who will benefit from your words! You know... the kind of people who also experience reciprocal conversation challenges, and remain quiet instead, reading old threads, looking for answers.



Im sorry you feel that way, posting in Off the wall can be a nice and lighthearted interaction... xanax cake anyone

I found my posts sound like something out of "off the wall" even though my intentions were pure good, most outcome sounds bumped from off the wall.. which made me feel "oh my god".


I think you are hurt, then take some time as your wish, or off the wall will be nice place to take some rest as Amity said.

I am deeply hurt.
Mostly by the dawning realisation of my own stupidity.

From what I've seen, Raleigh, you do manage to support people by being friendly, helpful and understanding. Of course, people might not always accept or appreciate what you tell them, but that doesn't mean your advice was wrong. Part of being a real friend is sometimes telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear.

But if WP is getting you down, then it's probably a good idea to take a break. I've hardly been on here at all for a couple of months, because it (and some members in particular) was beginning to get on my nerves.

I think your advice is excellent, but if you want to take a break from interacting, the other posters are correct. "Off the Wall" and 'one way' threads (not advice or a conversation, for example "send an anonymous message to a person in your life") will require less of that kind of energy.

Hey Raleigh, I like you--I don't know if you like me (you might think I'm too "Ableist.")

But I find your advice to be constructive in almost all cases.

If it's not "constructive," it's because you are venting (nothing wrong with venting sometimes).

I equate being supportive with being truthful and factual, and with cutting through the bullsnot that people invent to justify their lack of initiative for self-improvement; but it often backfires when people are not really seeking support - they seem to actually be looking for someone to agree with their prejudices and delusions instead.

HE: "WAAAH! All women are meanies! They're not interested in me!"
ME: "To get women interested in you, you must first become interesting to women."
HE: "WAAAH! Fnord is a meany! He said something I don't like!"

SHE: "WAAAH! All men are meanies! They look at other women!"
ME: "Only a blind man won't look at women. Even gay men look at women."
SHE: "WAAAH! Fnord is a meany! He said something I don't like!"

ME: "Here are some links to relevant and factual data ..."
THEY: "WAAAH! Fnord is a meany! He posted something I don't like!"

Last edited by Fnord on 20 Aug 2015, 8:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would agree about Amity. I find her a very smart lady who has much wisdom because of life experience, not because of some "theory."

If this has anything to do with this thread - viewtopic.php?f=23&t=291412&start=45, please don't take it personally, at least as far as rules are concerned.

Heaven is a special kind of protected forum designated for support only, not so much for giving advice. Other forums are open for any kind of discussion or giving of advice.