im hurting

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i just talked to one of my online friends that ive been talking to since 2005 and she just said something to hurt my feelings and i want to know if this is maybe a cause of my aspergers because right now my feelings just feel like their torn im a very sensitive guy i mean maybe im never meant to have someone that loves me i dont know anymoe but anyways here


[20:46] ImmortalGabriel: sup?
[20:47] DeadAngelFlesh: hi
[20:47] ImmortalGabriel: whats up
[20:47] ImmortalGabriel: long tmie no talk
[20:47] DeadAngelFlesh: nothin
[20:47] DeadAngelFlesh: u
[20:47] ImmortalGabriel: bored how have you been
[20:48] DeadAngelFlesh: fine
[20:48] ImmortalGabriel: busy?
[20:48] DeadAngelFlesh: yup
[20:48] ImmortalGabriel: can i IM you some other tmie then? when your not so busy
[20:48] ImmortalGabriel: i just wanted to say hi and seeh ow you were doing
[20:48] DeadAngelFlesh: im always busy nowadays
[20:48] DeadAngelFlesh: lol
[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: homework?
[20:49] DeadAngelFlesh: sorta
[20:49] DeadAngelFlesh: just BS
[20:49] DeadAngelFlesh: its really none of ur business
[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: im not curious or anything or trying to be nosy just making sure im not disturbing you
[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: and piss you off
[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: your too cool for that
[20:50] DeadAngelFlesh: ok
[20:50] ImmortalGabriel: havv i ever said anything to piss you off?
[20:50] ImmortalGabriel: have*
[20:50] DeadAngelFlesh: a few times
[20:50] DeadAngelFlesh: ur annoying sometimes
[20:50] ImmortalGabriel: have i improved at all a bit?
[20:50] DeadAngelFlesh: idk
[20:51] ImmortalGabriel: what was it that i said to piss you off do you even remember
[20:51] ImmortalGabriel: in any case im sorry
[20:51] DeadAngelFlesh: idk..
[20:51] DeadAngelFlesh: i cant talk
[20:51] DeadAngelFlesh: im busy
[20:51] DeadAngelFlesh: l8er
[20:51] ImmortalGabriel: bye

I think that person was just trying to make you feel bad. You didn't say ANYTHING that seemed annoying.

I think they were referring to past annoying things you may have done.

I would just say to them:

"I know I have alot of traits that make me hard to get along with but on whole do you want to be friends with me? And I do not mean just say you do because your nice and not wanting to hurt my feelings but really if you value me and want to talk to me"

"[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: im not curious or anything or trying to be nosy just making sure im not disturbing you"

anoying

"[20:50] ImmortalGabriel: have i improved at all a bit?"

anoying

"[20:51] ImmortalGabriel: what was it that i said to piss you off do you even remember
[20:51] ImmortalGabriel: in any case im sorry"

anoying

your talking to a simple person who just doesnt wanna talk atm and doesnt wanna do an evaluation or have to think too much becuase theyre busy and they find that anoying

sorry if i seemed rude thats just how i looked at it

Yeah I would have to agree. You kept asking questions that she did not want to answer. If someone constantly asked me these sorts of questions when I was busy I would get annoyed and end the conversation too. When someone says they are busy that literally means don't talk to me because I need to concentrate. However you interpreted it as she found you annoying even though that was not the issue at all to begin with. Do not take it personally when someone says "I am busy". If you continue to ask them if it's because you are annoying them then it it will annoy them, and they will lose interest in talking to you again next time when they are not busy. It also kills people's respect for you by doing this.

[20:49] ImmortalGabriel: your too cool for that <--Don't say this either because you are implying that YOU are not cool and that YOU have no value but she does.


Does that make sense? I am hoping to make it clearer to you to save you future pain.

I also think this is in the wrong section, Mods if you're out there? Members only seems more appropriate.

She doesn't seem like a good friend. There's nothing wrong with anything you did in that conversation. She was rude and mean. Busy or not, annoyed or not... she could have been a whole lot nicer.

You may as well ask an Elephant politely to stop being so large or ask a pigeon to stop flying.

Well I don't think she should have been a c**t about it. =/
He's hurting and you guys aren't doing anything to help him.

It looks to me like you caught her at a bad time, yeah she might have been a bit b**chy but it is annoying when people won't leave you alone when you want them to.

That said, she could have been nicer about it.

Warrior, I can see why you feel hurt. You reached out to someone you thought was a friend and she wasn't being friendly at all. It's really a sad state of affairs, this modern world of ours. Way back in my day there used to be something called tact and decorum. It was a way of expressing oneself to show respect to the person you were conversing with. This gal may have been in a bad mood and she may have been busy but she certainly used the wrong words to tell you that. Besides if she was so busy she should have put her........ I"m away ......message on.

I think it's a natural feeling to want to be accepted by others and when we're not it hurts. Then finally we realize that most people in this world are not going to accept us but some will and that's when we acknowledge that a couple of really good friends are all we need.

Who needs friends like that? Seems to me that being a "friend" means that one is nice toward their other friends. and this person that you have known for a while does not seem very friend-like towards you. Move along, and go out and celebrate! I would recommend on getting some ice cream

I don't have the whole story behind that conversation or if maybe something had happened before. Or if that person was busy with something that was emotional for her.

Still, there is no need to overreact or overthink the situation. I know I myself tend to be a worrywart but it doesn't do the situation any good to let your mind wander off into terrible scenarios where bad things happen. In the end you may believe thats how it is when in fact the answer is much simpler, that she was just busy.

In conclusion it sounds to me that she had some bad things happening IRL and trouble which she didn't want to share and thats why she told you it's none of your business. Because maybe you would ask otherwise and she would have to say it anyway so she anticipated that.

Anyway I don't mean to offend, just saying.

Starbuline, no one was being a c**t. You are getting way off track.

I accept that my first response was possibly not very tactful. So let me try again. It seems some of the posters in this thread and in others I have seen, have the attitude that behaviour can not be changed at all. That somehow because you have asperger's it should be possible to ask people to stop acting according to their nature and be perfectly accomodating. This is silly and if you truly beleive this then you are basically doomed to an extremely poor quality of life.

In all honesty, when I was 16 or so, I had the exact same problem that immortalwarrior here is having. Yet somehow it is no longer an issue. How is this possible? Did the world suddenly accomodate me? Did social norms suddenly and magically change to suit me? NO. I learned how to interact on a higher level and I did it the hard way by trial and error. Sometimes I wish I would have had the opportunity to have this site availible to me when I was younger. Then sometimes I don't too, because I would have become confused by the utterly ridiculous advice many people enjoy giving out. I have come to the conclusion that it is useless to come to this forum to find out how NT behaviour works. I mean think about it, it's full of people who don't get it at all and the ones that have allowed themselves to develop get drowned out by the ridiculous comments.

So in further analysis of the situation, immortalwarrior needs to learn how to behave in a way that does not push people away. He can do this by reading books and asking the exact same question on an NT Message board where he will get some sensible answers. immortalwarrior , mate you may have to endure the odd laugh on the NT boards but it will be worth it in the long run. The girl in this story did nothing out of the ordinary and don't people need to be angry at her. She was actually being nice about it, I know a lot of people that would straight up say PISS OFF. I sincerely hope you attempt to learn from this immortalwarrior , and attmept to make changes to your behaviour that will lead you to greater happiness in future. I have done it. You can too.

yea NTs dont seem to like getting into serious conversations .... and some people are just shallow

ive just learned to stay skin deep unless i know the person fairly well