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Say something normal that makes no sense when taken literal

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billegge
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08 May 2018, 3:31 pm

NT: The car alarm went off

My 8 year old son pointed out that
* The car alarm went "on"



lostonearth35
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08 May 2018, 5:21 pm

^ I remember being confused by that too as a kid.

NT: Dad's gonna hit the ceiling when he sees my report card.
Me: Wow, can he really jump that high?

My mom: I'm so thirsty I could drink the ocean.
Me as a kid: But the ocean is too salty to drink!

NT: That's a very good question.
Me:Then how come you don't know the answer to it?



billegge
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09 May 2018, 4:45 pm

NT: I think its time to teach him about the birds and the bees.

Me: Who doesn't know about birds and bees?



billegge
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09 May 2018, 4:48 pm

NT (wife): Are you wearing that to the restaurant?

Me: Isn't it obvious I am?



billegge
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09 May 2018, 4:52 pm

Me (when little): Can you buy me this car?
NT (mom): I don't have any money.
Me: Your buying groceries, so you do have money.



billegge
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09 May 2018, 4:56 pm

NT: How are you?
Me: (for the 1000th time, trying to figure out how to answer that)



NewTime
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09 May 2018, 7:42 pm

NT: A taste of your own medicine.


Of course. Why would taste someone else's medicine?



TheAP
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09 May 2018, 7:53 pm

"Under the weather."

Aren't we always under the weather, since it comes from the sky?



Fireblossom
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10 May 2018, 3:01 am

"You won't leave the table until that plate is empty!"

...And yet it's not okay to just take the food off of the plate... why can't they just say "you won't leave the table until you've eaten all that's on your plate"?



Raleigh
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10 May 2018, 3:06 am

"The sun is out."

If it was out, wouldn't it be dark?
I always had a lot of trouble with those kinds of phrases.


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10 May 2018, 9:46 am

There is the famous George Carlin saying about driving on the parkway, and parking in the driveway.

George Carlin was great at pointing these things out


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Hydromind
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10 May 2018, 10:45 am

My mom: "Suck it up."
Me: "I don't know how to suck it up!"

And the sequel...

My mom: "Suck it up."
My sister: "I don't know what to suck up!"



NewTime
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10 May 2018, 11:06 am

Hydromind wrote:
My mom: "Suck it up."
Me: "I don't know how to suck it up!"

And the sequel...

My mom: "Suck it up."
My sister: "I don't know what to suck up!"


I'm not a vacuum cleaner.



EzraS
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10 May 2018, 12:33 pm

Mom: He's always shooting his mouth off.

Me: That must be really painful and messy.

Whoever: I was literally scared to death.

Me: You look pretty good for a zombie.



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13 May 2018, 10:37 am

Me to my NT son when a toddler: Watch the dirt
Him: *Looks at the dirt pile I had swept into a pile*


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VegetableMan
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13 May 2018, 10:47 am

"Get your s**t together!"

Yeah, that's what I need! A great big pile of s**t!


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