Blamed For Things That Are Not My Fault.
Do you get these situations?
What comes to mind for me is that my mom blamed me for my sensitivities and moods, as if I wanted to suffer and make sure everyone else did also. At work I've been accused of not listening when I listened quite well, thought it was stupid, didn't know how to respond so moved on without acknowledging their statements. Blame me for lack of pragmatic speech, but I WAS listening. Rather than asking for my help in looking for something, my mother would and now my husband will insist I lost something (when they did). That drives me bonkers.
What do you get blamed for?
dragonsanddemons
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All the time. My dad especially has a tendency to twist things around so they’re somehow entirely my fault. If it related to me in any way and did not go as planned, clearly I messed it up somehow, and usually I clearly knew better, so I may as well have done it on purpose
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
If you'd like to spare a few moments, I shall tell you the story of one of the most upsetting accusations I have ever faced.
When I worked as a cleaner at the care home, there was a strict rule about not leaving your cleaning chemicals unattended unless they are locked up, because they can be a hazard to people with dementia that walk around. I knew and understood the rule and was always careful not to leave my chemicals lying around unattended.
But one day I locked my chemicals safely away while I went on my coffee break, and when I went back to work after my coffee break I fetched the chemicals from the cupboard and carried on with my duties. But as I passed the bosses office, I heard her yell at me, "was that YOUR chemicals I had to put away just now, that were left in the hallway unattended?" I didn't know what she was on about, then she started lecturing me about what I already knew, which was not to leave my cleaning chemicals laying about, and, wondering which chemicals she was talking about, I said, "those weren't mine, I've just got mine out from the cupboard."
Then the boss called me a liar, which infuriated me so badly, that I had to walk away and I melted down in the staff lounge. When I explained to someone why I was upset, they went to find out for me what chemicals the boss was telling me off about. It turned out that the chemicals were one of the other cleaner's, who was in one of the rooms at the time spraying the air because of a bad smell. The boss must have seen their chemicals left in the hallway while I was still on my coffee break and assumed they were mine.
But the boss never did apologise, not just for accusing me of something I didn't do, but also for shouting at me and calling me a liar.
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nick007
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
I was bullied a lot in elementary school & the bullies would lie on me &/or twist things around to get me in trouble. I NEVER understood why a scrawny kid with no mussels who wore thick cokebottle glasses & still had bad distance vision would intentionally start a fight with a big group of kids who could all very easily kick his a$$ one on one but that's what the teachers & principles wanted to believe. I may be ret*d but I'm sure I'm more logicle than those f#ckers. I have a couple stories that majorly stand out
When I was in 3rd grade my mom graduated from college to become a teacher. My mom started teaching at a public school when I started 4th grade. The school I went to before only went up to 3rd grade & the school my mom started teaching at went up to 4th so mom got me in at that school for that one year. My mom taught preK so I wasn't in her class. My class had a new teacher come in rite after the Christmas holidays because our other teacher needed surgery on her jaw & she was out for the rest of the school year. About a month or month & a half before the end of the school year my class was standing in line at the end of recess & a bully told our newer teacher that I spit in his face. When I was around that age I might of unintentionally & unknowingly occasionally spit when I talked. I remember being told by other classmates a couple times that I spit when I was talking but they didn't get me in trouble. I was in speech therapy at the time cuz of problems pronouncing certain sounds & spitting was never mentioned then so IDK. Our teacher sent me to the principle & he asked me why I spit in the kid's face. I told the principle that I did not spit in the kid's face. I was NOT aware of it if I had so I genuinely believed that I had not done it. The principle then actually asked me why did our teacher say I had. I told the principle that the kid told her I did. The principle then said something about me being a smart aleck & he brought me back to my class & told me to grab all my things. He must of talked to my teacher in the hall while I gathered all my stuff. The principle then brought me to my mom's class & talked to her in the hall. I stayed in my mom's class the rest of the school day. I never went back to that school again as a student. For the rest of the school year I went to my grandparents house every school day & watched Nick Jr, MTV, & VH1 & I played instead of being in school with the rest of my peers. I was passed on to the 5th grade & that school had only went up to 4th. The principle left at the end of that school year & the teacher I had for the 1st half the year came back the next school year. Years later this somehow came up in a discussion me & my mom were having & my mom said they did that to protect me & it was not counted as a expulsion or disciplinary action. I think I majorly lucked out that it happened that way cuz I got to miss a month of school & I wasn't in any kind of trouble
I went to a private Catholic school for 5th grade & 1st half of 6th. One morning in 6th grade before school officially started a kid was messing with me trying to start a fight. We fought for abit & then ended it. He then told the teacher I grabbed his crotch. I would NEVER do something like that on purpose but looking back it's possible I accidentally brushed against it while we were fighting but at the time I genuinely believed I didn't even touch it. Plus I'm sure that if I did know I had & I would of admitted it & insisted it was an accident our teacher & principle would of been hung up on the fact that I did it & they would believe I did it on purpose & not listen to the accident part. The principle talked to me a bit(I'll leave that stuff out) & then called my home phone & left a message on the answering machine that she needed to have a meeting with one of my parents the next morning. She had me hang out in her office with her a while & then sent me to class. Me & my dad had the meeting with the principle the next morning & during the meeting my dad asked if there were any witnesses. I was thinking that I was royally f#cked cuz the bully had friends & they would all band together to say I done it even if I never touched it & then my parents wouldn't even consider that I might be telling the truth about not doing it. However the principle actually said she didn't think the kid would lie & after talking for a minute about something, she told me how I need to tell on bullies when they mess with me. What The F#ck is the point in telling on bullies if they'll automatically be believed over me She recommend I'd get counseling to learn about inappropriate touches but my parents didn't really believe I did it cuz it was completely out of character for me to do something like that. I had never expressed sexual interest in guys & I didn't like others touching me & I would only touch others when I had to. There's no reason I would grab any guy's crotch. Plus my parents also knew bullies lied on me. There's a chance my parents would of been open to considering I did it but after my dad saw the way I was railroaded, my parents gave me the benefit of the doubt at least & we never even talked about it after that day & they didn't fuss me, punish me, or send me to counseling or anything.
Very shortly after that my parents found out about a school for dyslexia because it was mentioned in the newspaper or something. I've been diagnosed with dyslexia & other related learning disabilities since kindergarten but noone had ever suggested that there was any alternative to me being in the mainstream public school or me being in private Catholic school. The school wasn't that close to where we lived(maybe why my parents didn't know about it sooner) but there was a carpool system that my dad participated in so that helped a lot. I did aLOT better there with learning & bullying. Unfortunately that school only went up to 8th grade so I went to a Catholic high-school but I had some accommodations & things weren't that bad overall.
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https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition
Closest thing I'd get blamed for that isn't my fault are usually three things; clumsiness, forgetfulness and cluelessness -- which is basically with the one cause; absentmindedness.
Absentmindedness is not something I'd voluntarily do.
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Not paying attention (when I am)
Not trying hard enough (when I am trying hard)
Not changing my behaviour when it is upsetting others (when I had no idea there was a problem, and then they get REALLY annoyed because they don't believe I didn't know when I've apparently been upsetting them for years).
Being intentionally difficult (why? I mean why would I bother?).
Being rude (when I'm trying to help and I've been very careful as to how I'm phrasing something )
Is it your wife? the reason I ask is because there is a normality in marriages where the wife blames the husband for everything. My mum (NT) does this all the time with my step-dad (NT).
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yes i did .. when your little and people spot a weakness believe mostly NTs or nt types , want to exploit it to their benefit . Older male siblings were the worst . even blaming theft of money from my parents on me , thatthey had hid well out of my reach to get to... first time parents ever doubted them in all my years life.was approx 5 yrs of age .
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My boyfriend is the blamer in my house.
He blames me because he can't sleep, even when I'm fast asleep myself and definitely not disturbing him.
He blamed me today because my sandwich fell apart. The sandwich fell apart because the bread is very nimble, but he said it's because I didn't make it properly. He is wrong, because I've been making sandwiches for years and I know how to do it.
This is not blaming exactly, but he smokes and whenever I try to help him quit (like encouraging him to try vaping), he stubbornly declines it, but then when he gets chest problems due to smoking he takes it out on me.
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Last edited by Joe90 on 24 May 2020, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
AnonymousAnonymous
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Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,232
Location: Portland, Oregon
Not trying hard enough (when I am trying hard)
Not changing my behaviour when it is upsetting others (when I had no idea there was a problem, and then they get REALLY annoyed because they don't believe I didn't know when I've apparently been upsetting them for years).
Being intentionally difficult (why? I mean why would I bother?).
Being rude (when I'm trying to help and I've been very careful as to how I'm phrasing something )
Is it your wife? the reason I ask is because there is a normality in marriages where the wife blames the husband for everything. My mum (NT) does this all the time with my step-dad (NT).
It would be quite a surprize as I don't have a wife.
Not trying hard enough (when I am trying hard)
Not changing my behaviour when it is upsetting others (when I had no idea there was a problem, and then they get REALLY annoyed because they don't believe I didn't know when I've apparently been upsetting them for years).
Being intentionally difficult (why? I mean why would I bother?).
Being rude (when I'm trying to help and I've been very careful as to how I'm phrasing something )
Is it your wife? the reason I ask is because there is a normality in marriages where the wife blames the husband for everything. My mum (NT) does this all the time with my step-dad (NT).
It would be quite a surprize as I don't have a wife.
sorry.
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climate change petition, please sign
Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.
In elementary, junior high, and high school, I was often rounded up with the usual suspects whenever a theft or act of vandalism occurred. All of us were outcasts in some way, yet none of us was ever convicted of a crime. Accused, yes; interrogated, yes; threatened with expulsion if we did not 'confess', yes; but never convicted.
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Not trying hard enough (when I am trying hard)
Not changing my behaviour when it is upsetting others (when I had no idea there was a problem, and then they get REALLY annoyed because they don't believe I didn't know when I've apparently been upsetting them for years).
Being intentionally difficult (why? I mean why would I bother?).
Being rude (when I'm trying to help and I've been very careful as to how I'm phrasing something )
Is it your wife? the reason I ask is because there is a normality in marriages where the wife blames the husband for everything. My mum (NT) does this all the time with my step-dad (NT).
It would be quite a surprize as I don't have a wife.
sorry.
No worries.
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