[I do not know where this tale came from but a member of another site I am on posted it and I asked if I could share it].
The tax office decides to audit "Stokes" an old and wise sailor whose claim to fame was that he and HMS Vangard left the Navy the same day) and summons him to their office. The tax man was not surprised when Stokes showed up with his solicitor.
The tax man said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure we find that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Stokes. 'How about a demonstration?'
The tax man thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Stokes goes, 'I'll bet you a thousand quid that I can bite my own eye.'
The tax man thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Stokes removes his glass eye and bites it. The tax man's jaw drops.
Stokes carries on by stating, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand quid that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the tax man can tell Stokes isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Stokes removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned tax man now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Stokes solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Stokes asks 'I'll bet you six thousand quid that I can stand on one side of your desk, and wee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The tax man, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Stokes stands beside the desk and unzips his fly, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the tax man's desk.
The tax man leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Stokes's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the tax man asks.
'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Stokes told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could come in here and wee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it.'
12 Oct 2020, 2:01 pm
