The 'not like other girls' culture

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Have any of you heard of the online subculture whose members try to boast about their quirkyness as opposed to other girls? If this requires examples or explanation, I will be happy to provide links.

I didn't know it was an actual subculture of it's own, but when I was in junior high, some girls made a point out of reminding others that they "weren't like other girls." On this forum, I've seen some men do the same, except it's been "I'm not the same as other guys in my area."

There's a sub on Reddit called notliketheothergirls. Reading the rules and some of the posts I still can't figure out if they think they're not like other girls or they're making fun of people who say it. Is it about thinking you're better because you're different?

*Remembers regretful behaviour from when I was a teenager*



Yes, I am familiar.

I have often said that "Life's Been Good" by Joe Walsh should end with the words: "Everybody's so different, they're all the same".

I mean, people trying desperately to express their individuality often end up looking, sounding, and acting just like every other "individual"...

After reading through a lot of those posts, I am inclined to believe it is both -- that "different" equates to "superior", but only when applied to one's self!

When applied to others, "different" equates to "bland", "creepy", "dumb", "stupid", "ugly", "unpopular", "vain", "weird", ... et cetera.

I see. It's a... strange idea, and no doubt you've seen some of the worst of it.

Growing up, I always felt a great deal of pressure to conform to either the girly-girl stereotype or the tomboy. It felt like an either / or choice and I didn't connect with the supposedly girly image so naturally I went with tomboy because I wanted an identity to attach to. Yet I didn't fully connect with the tomboy concept either. I felt broken in a sense, because I'd been bombarded with this idea that my interests had to fall into one camp or another. Personally, I think that there is a tendency to categorise young girls and female teenagers by their interests and behaviour. I remember seeing a video recently where someone asked "can you name a hobby or activity that a female teenager can have that wouldn't be criticised?" and the other person was struggling to name any.

I know that every little decision I made seemed to be interpreted as a statement of some kind. Not wearing makeup? A statement. People would ask if I was trying to prove a point, when I was actually just trying to figure out my identity and what I feel comfortable doing VS what I do not feel comfortable in. I hated being in the public eye and so I tried even harder to push myself into a little box because I wanted to feel a sense of identity and belonging. With that box came expectations and I felt a sense of superiority because I grew up in a society where being feminine was presented as something that did not deserve respect. That you either had brains and were useful or you were pretty in a conventional way, unless you were a rare case.

However, I grew up and I realised that the world wasn’t so black and white. It doesn’t matter how feminine or masculine a person is, they can still be intelligent and / or worthy of respect. The expectations placed on me when I was going through this phase were pretty toxic, such as pressure to not show my emotions or cry.

If I could tell my past self anything, it would be that you can have as many interests as you want. You are allowed to have a mixture of stereotypically masculine and feminine hobbies and interests. Like both feminine and masculine clothing? Wear both. That’s fine. It is not required for you to pick a side. Nor does your style or interests dictate your worth.

I was kind of like this as a kid and was obsessed with being seen as a "tomboy"... until I realized I was trans. I guess I really wasn't like the other girls. lol

[opinion=mine]

Why is it that "Other Girls" in the context of the "Not Like Other Girls" culture always seem to be either the think-pink, prissy-sissy, girly-girl type or the sexually precocious, provocative, and promiscuous "street-slut" type?  These are two extremes of a spectrum of expression, with "Goody Two-Shoes" on one end, and the "Hip-Hop Gangsta Babe" on the other.

I think that what girls really mean when they say "I am not like other girls" is closer to "I am an ordinary, average girl who does not need to be either 'Good' or 'Bad', so either take me as I am or leave me the hell alone!"

[/opinion]

Ouch. That sounds horrible.

How about a not like other people culture?

It wasn't the best, but I did learn from it (although I had to unlearn the more toxic elements). Granted, I wouldn't want to go through it again. I can never relate to films with the premise of "Wow, I wish I were back in high school!"

No thanks.

I am glad I moved on from that phase. As an adult, I've embraced a more feminine style but I still like to dress more masculine sometimes and I have a mixture of feminine and masculine interests. I think that femininity and masculinity is a spectrum and that most people are closer to one side or the other but aren't at the extremes. Similar to introversion and extroversion. The realisation that I didn't have to fit solely into one or the other was quite freeing for me. I feel a bit foolish that I didn't acknowledge this sooner.

Personally, I think that one of the reasons I felt a disconnect from femininity was that it was often discussed as something directly tied to impressing boys. In certain situations where I was bullied, it was sometimes excused as "oh, well the boy just found you pretty and has a crush on you, that's why he bullies you!" ...which...ugh... please never say this. Stop. Even if it's true, it doesn't excuse his behaviour and just makes the girl feel like she's to blame.

When I did experiment with more feminine things, such as straightening my hair, I'd get called names and sexualised which was really uncomfortable. Such experiences, being called names related to prostitution (which was always painted as a negative), made me prefer baggy clothes and tying my hair up because I wanted to go under the radar and I fell into the "I'm not like other girls" rabbit hole online.

In actuality, I was like other girls. Back then, I used to think I disliked certain things when actually I just disliked how I was being treated. I remember teenage girls pulling me aside and asking me how I was going to get the attention of boys if I didn't do X, Y and Z. A part of me was tempted to reply "Good, I don't want the attention".

There was an internal conflict because there was societal pressure to want male attention and act in certain ways yet I just didn't get the big deal. So I assumed (thanks to the rabbit hole) that it was because I was just so studious and not boy-crazy like the other girls and so cool. No, past me, you're just a dense lesbian. I remember legitimately thinking that women were just objectively more attractive and that this was an unspoken truth.

Past me used to sit down and ask myself "alright, who do we have a crush on today?" and then would pick a random guy and apparently saw nothing questionable about this. The logic being that it's bad to be boy-crazy but that you've got to like a guy every once in a while. I think that I knew, but I was so in denial that I was competing in the mental gymnastics. I used to write poems supposedly from the male perspective under the guise of 'oh I'm so unique I just understand men so well, I'm not like other girls' when actually the real reason was 'I want to talk about pretty women and imagine myself in a relationship with one but I don't wanna admit that'.

When I thought 'not like other girls' I thought something like...
Being a stunt double and a triplet, living with multiple prosthetics, regularly eats poisonous invertebrates raw and live, or is a shaman from an obscured aboriginal tribe.


None of those supposedly contrarian traits and personality archetypes, and inverted stereotypes.

From where I came from, it can only go as far as internet posts and so little use in real life.

Because I'm trans and I identify as Male and I'm very staunch about my identity and gender expression.

I'm suddenly thinking of the goth kids on South Park








This may sound f#cked-up but I woulda liked to have been in a group like that in my 20s. I was depressed about my 1st relationship ending & was very lonely. I was more of an EMO than a goth but the way that goth girl talks is super cute I woulda loved to have known a girl like that who was around my age & into me. I'm seriously not rite in the head