Funny things you have said or done

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Do you ever make yourself or others laugh without intending to (I believe this is called "dry humour" but I'm not sure)?

Like the other evening my boyfriend was in the bathroom and he called my name, so on the way to the bathroom I said, "it wasn't me" even though I didn't know why he was calling me but I just said it anyway because I thought he was going to say there was a turd left in the toilet or something.
I don't think he heard me say that but his daughter did and she found it really funny.
(He was just calling me to ask me if I knew where the new bottle of bubble bath was).

Anyway what was the last thing you said or done that was funny to yourself or others?

No. That is NOT "dry humor".

Dry is a style of intentional humor. Kind of deadpan, and a bit sarcastic.

But yes- you do see what I call "unintended jokes" in the world.

For example once years ago I was sitting in the public library in the periodicals. Bored I picked up a slender publication called the "Foreign Policy Review", or something like that. Kinda a trade journal for diplomats I suppose.

Flipped through it. Then saw an article entitled "Syria removes its minefields from border with Turkey. Turkey responds by dismantling its own".

I had recently been hearing about the drive to ban landmines around the world.

And I took heart from that headline! WOW! Peace is breaking out in the world! In the mideast no less! A country, Syria, just decided to remove its land mines from its long border with another country. And that second country responded in kind! The two countries are putting aside their mutual fear for peace! The spirit of Lady Di lives on!

Then I read the article.

Turns out that Syria had just discovered oil deposits - that happened to be near its border with Turkey. And the landmines interfere with them drilling for the oil.

And Turkey reasoned that if their neighbor has oil deposits at that location some of the deposits must cross into their country...so they got rid of their mines to drill for oil on their side of the border too!

Not peace breaking out. Just greed breaking out.
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Oh well.

Had to laugh at myself for being so naive!

My uni flatmate was talking about "giraffes" but I thought she said "your ass".

Her: Do you ever think about (your ass)?

Me: Pardon me?

Her: They're just so weird! All those spots and bony parts. They're so bizarre.

Me: Uh, speak for yourself. Mine's pretty nice!

I had an odd moment in collage when someone was trying to make me be "Cool" like he and the others were. He said "Why don't you wear boxers instead of Y fronts?"
I said "Boxers?" as I did not know what they were.
He said "Yes. They are like pants but have pictures of cocktails on".

Now I was flustered as I hated being told what to do with my appearance etc, so I could not think what a cocktail was. I thought he was being rude somehow!

"Cocktails?" I said in a questioning way.

"Yes. Cocktails".

"Cock......................Tails?" I questioned.

"Drinks, you muppet!"

"Oh yer" I replied when I finally worked out what he was saying.

Sounds like the scene in the Cheech and Chong movie when a character scares everyone by saying:

"I have herpes on my head."( Hairpiece on my head).

Last edited by naturalplastic on 18 Oct 2021, 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

I once told someone he was so big he should be a football player. It turned out that he had been a starter at a major university since he was a freshman. It didn't work out too good, though, since the team didn't have a very good record and he thought I was criticizing him.

I asked a one armed man if he needed a hand. This has happened twice in my life with two different people.

It kind of just comes out and I realise what I'm saying but the words just won't stop.

They take it in good part of course because it's probably been said to them more times than I've said it.

When we used to live in the village, we lived opposite a man with one arm who was a good friend. We would often say "Do you want a hand" without thinking.
One year the insurance man came and brought us a pair of goats. We did not know much about goats and one of them was a nanny that needed to be milked. The insurance man was concerned for the goats safety after he had them in his field which was on the hill and we had bad snow so he could not get there to see to them, and knowing we had land with our cottages he brought them to us to ensure they would be safe.
Now my Mum had never milked a goat before. Her sister had but she had moved a good 50 miles away from here and in those days not many people had phones so the only way to contact her was by letter whic would take a few days, and we did not have transport, and there were no direct transport links to where she was (My uncle was a farmer which is how my aunt would know how to milk).
So my Mum decided to go down tothe village phone box and phone the vet to come out and show her. While she descended the steep path down the bank to get to the road, the neighbour opposite saw her, and asked what was wrong so she told him.
He said "I will show you how to milk a goat". It turns out he had to do milking as a child before he went to school and after he got home from school.
Now he showed my Mum, and she quickly picked it up.
Unknown to her the two goats who was a milking nanny and her goat son who was pretty young... Well. We did not realize that the little one despite being so young could get the nanny pregnant, so we ended up with more goats and it went from there.
My Mum spent hours a day milking. Later we had a machine, as Mum had issues with her hands back then.
But one day many years later, one of her friends who also had goats came to pay her a visit, and Mum said she had to go and milk them and her friend asked if it was ok to join her.
Her friend watched her and was puzzled. "Why do you only use one hand?" she asked.
My Mum did not know. She had never thought about it, and it had never occurred to her that one could use two hands to milk a goat.
Then she worked out why. The guy who trained her only had one hand. Also my Mum kinda takes things literally and copies exactly what she has been taught.
When she used two hands, the milking took half the time!

That's a good story MG.

I can say lots of stories of my childhood. We were unusual in that we were living on a village smallholding. It was a pair of cottages, with one being delapadated which dated from before the 11th centuary. Our garage was the old blacksmiths shop.

I remember one year my brother had asked for a microscope for his birthday. He is three years younger then me. He wanted to have a sample of blood to look at, but as he was young he did not want to use his own, but none of us wanted to give him our blood either so he was told he had to wait.
His patience played off when one day my Mum had a big extendable toasting fork which we used on occasions over the open fire in the living room, and this one day she tried to unextend it by holding the handle in one hand and the fork pointy end in her other hand, and suddenly the fork which was stuck became unstuck, and she ended up with this fork half stuck into her hand. Even when half extended it was about 10 inches to a foot long.
She came into the living room with the fork hanging from her hand and said "It hurts, it hurts!" while my brother shot to get a slide and followed her around the room to get a sample of blood. I was on the floor fainting, and my Dad was on the floor unable to get up as he was laughing so much at the sight of his son running after my Mum round the room trying to get a blood sample.
My Dad was then able to rescue my Mum...

We were always an unusual family in the village and we found we were treated almost as outsiders. It is why we moved up onto the hill as there are only a few houses up here, so we could be away from people.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were a dog".

Haha. Uhmmm...

I have done that thing where you ask an overweight lady when the baby is due.

When I was little, I had a dream where CBS was renamed "Bob Egg"

I have done lots of things.