Would having a child make me happier ?

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chris1989
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25 Apr 2022, 1:06 pm

I seem to think that having child would ease the self-induced pressure. Because society and nature is telling people have a child now in your late 20s/early 30s or you'll never do it if you decide to wait any longer. I don't understand why I am feeling like this even though I am not in a relationship. It is just absurd. I seem to think that if I had a child right now a part of me would feel that I've brought someone into this world just because of pressure and that society has told me to and I don't know if that would have made me any more happy because I maybe I hadn't thought that I really wanted a child because another part of me feels that I don't. I have an uncle who was 32 or 33 when he got married to his ex-wife who was 29 I think and during their years of marriage they had no children and now he is happily married with a new wife with 2 children of her own and they are now his children.



lostonearth35
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25 Apr 2022, 3:39 pm

I'm 48 and I've never had a child. If anyone asks why I'm still single with no kids I'll answer, "Just lucky, I guess". :P



HighLlama
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25 Apr 2022, 3:50 pm

Self-induced or socially induced? Having a child means bringing an independent being into the world. You exist for it; it doesn't exist for you.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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25 Apr 2022, 3:55 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to think that if I had a child right now a part of me would feel that I've brought someone into this world just because of pressure and that society has told me to and I don't know if that would have made me any more happy


That bit about thinking it might just be because of societal pressure has validity.
I remember feeling it around the ages mentioned.
I have no children.
Watching my brother and friends who do have children has shown that although having children reduces the "you should have children" pressures it brings home a comprehensive collection of new stresses and pressures involving the child, and a comprehensive collection of new stresses and pressures involving the other parent.


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temp1234
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25 Apr 2022, 4:29 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I'm 48 and I've never had a child. If anyone asks why I'm still single with no kids I'll answer, "Just lucky, I guess". :P

I feel the same. Some people don't seem to understand that there are people that are genuinely happy to be single/with no kids. Hence they seek reasons if you are single/have no kids. Some people have tried to help me find a wife as if I wanted one. I can't imagine having to deal with a partner or a child. I'm happy as I am.

Bringing a human being into existence is more than just that. It is followed by many years of spending time/money/effort to raise that human being. Not always fun.

However, there is an alternative. You (OP) could be a sperm donor. In that way you could contribute to bringing another human being into existence without having to worry about having a partner or raising a child.



Joe90
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25 Apr 2022, 4:57 pm

Yes, because you're a man and it's easier for men because you guys don't have to go through all that physical pain of pregnancy and childbirth. You just get a cute little baby 9 months later without a twinge of pain. If I was a guy in a relationship I would most probably be a father by now. Probably a father of about 3 kids. And still have my physical health.


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25 Apr 2022, 5:05 pm

How would adding a huge source of additional stress, expense and unpleasant sensory stimulus make you happier?

Having a kid is an absolutely terrifying thought and I don't even have to carry or birth it.


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AprilR
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25 Apr 2022, 5:21 pm

^ Agreed. Having a child is enormously stressful and they don't exist just to make you happy. Its a responsibility for life.



IsabellaLinton
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25 Apr 2022, 6:27 pm

Single parenting is the most profound commitment to life that you could ever make.
It's not a decision to be taken lightly.
You'll be responsible for that person's moral development, guidance, and care until your dying days.
A responsible parent will continue shaping their child's character and their future, even after their own death.
As others have said, children aren't an accessory or a milestone for adults to achieve.


* Single parent for over 25 years


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Misslizard
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25 Apr 2022, 7:06 pm

The biggest responsibility ever.Another life.


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Imedatingayandere
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25 Apr 2022, 8:37 pm

I'm worried if I have one it'll get abused as I was



1986
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25 Apr 2022, 8:45 pm

For me, so far, it hasn't made my life "happier" in the sense of having them good feels a lot more. The stress of taking care of an infant and trying to give her the best possible start in life she can get (knowing some things are beyond your control) is far greater, although of course you are very happy when your child reaches a milestone, laughs at your antics, or bonds well with a relative. (The opposite can also happen.)

I'd definitely say it makes your life more fulfilling. You know why you live. And you know that if you don't do your very best, it has a direct and very large impact on another innocent human being.



shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Apr 2022, 9:52 pm

Children take up a lot of time, energy and cash

Maybe you should review your finances and try to calculate or research how much income you would have to earn to pay for a child. (Food, day care, diapers, time off work)

Waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers

Your child might be autistic or something like that

A child could make you more or less happy

But please do not have a child unless you are willing to sacrifice time, cash and energy

The solar system contains plenty of unwanted children already



Caz72
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25 Apr 2022, 10:43 pm

bringing my child into existence has made me happier.he is my world

if i hadnt fallen pregnant with him i would probably be dead by now from alcohol poisoning.


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HeroOfHyrule
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26 Apr 2022, 12:21 am

As someone who came from people who thought that having another child would fix their problems and make them happier: NO.

Having children won't fix any personal, social, or emotional issues you have, and a child doesn't deserve to have their main reason for their existence to be to make their parents happy.



nick007
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26 Apr 2022, 11:53 am

I have lots of various disabilities, problems, issues, & quirks & would feel horribly guilty for creating a child who has just a few of em. Even if I was not the biological father, I would feel horrible for not being able to do a better job at raising & taking care of him/her. I can barely take care of two pets sometimes. I never really felt pressure from others to have kids. People who knew me probably thought I should not have kids. I hated being single thou & desperately wanted a girlfriend/wife but never kids.

That said, I felt like a parent with my 1st girlfriend some & I feel like one a lot sometimes with my current girlfriend(which is my 3rd) cuz of the various issues she's dealing with but she also feels like one with me sometimes. That has been good for me in some ways cuz I can use my experiences to try & help her with things. I like feeling needed & useful cuz I'm much less insecure about her leaving me for somebody who's more independent. It also helps me feel better about myself & gives me motivation. I majorly love her & worry about her & want to do right by her. She wanted kids & was told more than a few times that she would be a good mom but like me Cass realizes she has too many issues to really handle it. She can barely take care of our pets sometimes & helping me with things. This is as close to having kids as I want. I imagine that being a single parent would be much more stressful than I could deal with.


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