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MaxE
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22 Nov 2023, 7:30 am

I would like this to be a serious discussion but I don't know which other forum it belongs in apart from maybe In Depth Adult if you consider it a generational topic.

So I have seen a lot of discussion, especially on WP, about bullying as well as SA as a form of, or related phenomenon, and I keep getting the impression that this problem became much worse in the 80s than previously, at least in the US. However I have no compelling evidence to support this. DAE think this may have some truth to it?


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DanielW
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22 Nov 2023, 7:35 am

Why do you think it was worse in the 80's ? I can't think of any specific reasons - but I admit its not something I have thought about before.



MaxE
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22 Nov 2023, 9:35 am

DanielW wrote:
Why do you think it was worse in the 80's ? I can't think of any specific reasons - but I admit its not something I have thought about before.

You are probably too young to have thought about it.

I've given it some thought, and my first theory is that kids in the 80s were the children of the Silent Generation, and the Silent Generation was heavily impacted by changes in societal norms that took place in the late 60s and early 70s, plus for various reasons this was the era of the "latchkey kids". They just weren't parented the same way as earlier generations. I tend to think of Generation X as an angry generation. It's possible that school age kids were simply meaner in the 80s for those reasons.


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CockneyRebel
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22 Nov 2023, 10:08 pm

In the 1985 when I was 10 and my sister was 7, my mum gave each of us a key and said "These are your keys to let yourself in when you get home. I will be home from work at 4:30 in the afternoon." My dad said, "Don't show those keys to any of your friends." Four days later there was a commercial about latchkey kids on television. My mum change her mind about my sister and I being on our own after school and decided that my oldest cousin was going to babysit us after school and we would only be alone for 10 minutes until he arrived.

One time, I asked my mum what a latchkey kid was the next time that commercial was on. My mum answered, "Something that I stopped you from becoming. Some parents have their kids wait for them to come home without anyone to watch over them and take care of them."


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Last edited by CockneyRebel on 22 Nov 2023, 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MaxE
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23 Nov 2023, 9:00 am

What caused me to post this is that I don't recall bullying incidents anywhere near what I've seen reported on this site, when I was in school. I was bullied. I can recall sitting at the "outcasts" table at lunch. In my last year of preparatory school, I once decided to defy one of those bullying me, and by way of teaching me a lesson, he waited at the bottom of a stairwell and slugged me so hard in the head that I fell unconscious to the floor (which didn't get him into any trouble whatsoever). I could go into a lot more detail, but please accept that I'm not exaggerating when I say I was bullied. When I was in middle school, there was a kid who was more autistic than I (if you're allowed to say that here) who was made sport of (he was 16 years old and could already drive — the following year he went to a private vocational school), so the "fast girls" used to act interested in talking to him and would get him to say predictable things (there were certain big words he liked and they would get him to use them, and laugh) which might seem mean, but they weren't actually terrorizing him. I mean he felt safe going to school despite "teasing". And the two longish-term girlfriends I had in my 20s, who I believe were on the spectrum. They didn't seem to have any friends from HS and my first girlfriend told me something about being bullied at a summer camp. The other one was thought "weird" by almost everyone who knew both of us, but she did have friendships with boys and even a couple of boyfriends. These girls may have been social outcasts, at least so far as other girls were concerned, but nothing that would make them feel unsafe at school or traumatized.

Whereas I read many stories on WP of people traumatized by bullying in school and elsewhere, hiding in a storage area during lunch and protected by the janitor, or refusing to go to school out of fear and needing to be home schooled. I simply wasn't aware of anybody being bullied in such an extreme manner, and I think I would have heard something (granted I wasn't in a position where people necessarily told me everything that was general knowledge for most people in my peer group). These stories seem to basically be from the 80s and later. I can't help thinking there's some connection, that this may be why I have had trouble dealing with all the trauma so many people on this site seem to have experienced. And to be honest, it also seems to me that other people on WP, over a certain age, are less likely to have had such experiences. Like at least in this regard, society (or at least North American society) was more accepting of ND behavior before the 80s, or at least less prone to subject neurodivergent peers to violence.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 Nov 2023, 9:06 am

I’ve known people my parents’ age or older, including some on WP, who experienced severe bullying when they were young. People might forget mild to moderate bullying as they get older. I doubt it was significantly worse in the 80s than before.

I think bullying is somewhat better now than it was in the 90s. There’s more research and awareness on the topic and teachers are given regular, evidence-based trainings on it.



MaxE
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23 Nov 2023, 9:21 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I’ve known people my parents’ age or older, including some on WP, who experienced severe bullying when they were young. People might forget mild to moderate bullying as they get older. I doubt it was significantly worse in the 80s than before.

I think bullying is somewhat better now than it was in the 90s. There’s more research and awareness on the topic and teachers are given regular, evidence-based trainings on it.

Something to be hopeful about. Well all this stuff is anecdotal anyway, which is why I didn't feel I could justify posting elsewhere than in Random. But it still seems to me that in my day, if you knew your place and kept your head down, you didn't usually have to worry about your physical safety. I will point out that I grew up in a big city. Some stereotypes would have you think that violent behavior of this sort would be more typical of rural areas. Personally I wouldn't know though, just throwing out theories whether or not they have any justification. But yeah I can imagine the same person being tolerated in Brooklyn but being routinely beaten to a pulp in Southern Indiana.


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TwilightPrincess
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23 Nov 2023, 9:30 am

My dad was bullied badly so was his mom. A friend of the family who is my parents age dropped out of high school because a male student said he was going to rape her. There are things I’ve been told by members here which I won’t repeat in order to respect their privacy.

I never heard the stereotype about rural people being more violent. I doubt there’s any validity to it. Situations with my family and acquaintances offline did not occur in a rural place but in a small city - 100,000ish people, I think.

Unless we have proof that it was worse in the 80s, I’m saying that it probably wasn’t. Younger people might be more likely to remember non-severe experiences of bullying than older people.



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23 Nov 2023, 10:12 am

My brother was badly bullied in the 1970s. So was my wife, who was older, and grew up in California in the 60s.
We were very small, most like the smallest or 2nd smallest in our classes.
Me? I had really fast reflexes and my brother would try to pick fights with me.
I was small but very dangerous. Bullies weren't that stupid.
I'm still fast enough to catch fruit flies with my bare hands in mid air.



Last edited by BTDT on 23 Nov 2023, 10:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

TwilightPrincess
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23 Nov 2023, 10:16 am

I was physically bullied, but it wasn't as severe as what some experienced. My grandmother probably had it worse that way. It's hard to say, though.



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23 Nov 2023, 10:20 am

I was verbally bullied being called the R-word and having sarcasm thrown at me. I hate sarcasm and the R-word to this very day.


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King Kat 1
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23 Nov 2023, 10:20 am

I grew up in the late 80s/1990s. I'm not sure what to compare it to but I was bullied terribly in Jr high school. 7th grade was hell on earth. At age 43, I'm still have flashbacks to a few incidents *cringes*


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MaxE
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23 Nov 2023, 1:49 pm

I can speak authoritatively of my HS years because the student body was very small. Less than 50 graduated from my class. So I can say that I underwent the most bullying of anybody however as I previously said, I basically felt safe within the walls of that school. I will say a bit more later.

So regarding Middle School, I think my mind has blanked out a lot of bad memories. So this was a big city middle school, so of course there was a racial aspect. I mention that because one thing I do remember, was a confrontation in which some group of kids was accusing me of something (no idea what) and apparently some black kids were sticking up for me, and one of the white kids said something like "see only the blacks will defend him" as a way to communicate how worthless they thought I was. So I should also point out that this school, a public school, was very close to my house, however the student body was also mostly from other neighborhoods. Because most kids in my neighborhood, which was upper middle class, went to private day schools. In my case, I was in public school because when my parents tried to get me into private schools, I would always fail the interview, and then eventually I did get into one, but was then asked to leave after 2nd grade. So I was one of the few upper middle class kids from that neighborhood in the school, despite living close. I have a theory that "like bullies like" meaning that people are most often bullied by members of their own group when they should conform to the norms of that group but don't. In contrast, between different groups it's more of a group thing, like the Irish will get into rows with the Italians, but the Irish will bully one of their own who doesn't measure up to their own standards of machismo. Having said that, I can remember more specific schoolboy bullying in HS, for example I can remember getting bullied in the locker rooms there, but not so much in middle school where people seemed more predisposed to mind their own business.

Not sure how much any of this matters.


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23 Nov 2023, 1:57 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
In the 1985 when I was 10 and my sister was 7, my mum gave each of us a key and said "These are your keys to let yourself in when you get home. I will be home from work at 4:30 in the afternoon." My dad said, "Don't show those keys to any of your friends." Four days later there was a commercial about latchkey kids on television. My mum change her mind about my sister and I being on our own after school and decided that my oldest cousin was going to babysit us after school and we would only be alone for 10 minutes until he arrived.

One time, I asked my mum what a latchkey kid was the next time that commercial was on. My mum answered, "Something that I stopped you from becoming. Some parents have their kids wait for them to come home without anyone to watch over them and take care of them."


I didn't have a key but my brother showed me how to break into the house

I was bullied for a short while when I was about 13 but I fought back and it didn't happen again. I seem to remember a lot of bullying going on at my school so I think it was just the norm. I got put into an approved school when I was about 15 and I had to fight a girl twice my size on the first night I was there. It was more a right of passage than anything else I think because I was fine after that. I don't even think it mattered who won the fight. It was more to see if you could or would fight. This was in the late 80s by this time.

I've literally had to fight all my life and I'm f*****g tired now. I need to find a new way.


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funeralxempire
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23 Nov 2023, 1:58 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I never heard the stereotype about rural people being more violent. I doubt there’s any validity to it.


I would anticipate there might be some truth to it, if only because more rural areas tend to also have less law enforcement, especially historically. That makes it easier for so-called culture of honour to become established, which encourages people to settle disputes on their own (and often physically).


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23 Nov 2023, 9:55 pm

If you were bullied in the 80s there was virtually no help and you were told to just ignore the bullies until they gave up. Which they did not. On the other hand, we didn't have internet so no cyberbullying and you weren't hearing about kids committing suicide or shooting up a school every month. The one school shooting I heard of in Canada was in Quebec in the early 90s by some antifeminist who blamed everything on women, so he shot them. Now misogynistic murder happens all the time. The world gets worse every day, where can I order a self-euthanasia kit?