a real family

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i want a real family. yes im jelouse, one that everyone is related to everyone. a mom and dad are still married and all the kids are related to each other. how many others are like this? i might be a p**** but im a strong p****. my mom and dad not staying married has probably done more damage than my aspergers

There's nothing weak about wanting a family Richard.

You've seen the posts around WP where people are talking about how bad their family situations are.

That's been my life too and I don't believe it only because I was adopted.

I've spent my life in search of the dream family, hoping I could work my way in.
Being adopted, I have always known that I would never have blood relatives so I felt free to claim anyone I wanted to as family.
Still, it's never been what I imagined it would be, or what I've seen with real blood-related families who are well adjusted... relatively speaking.

Perhaps you'll just have to 'adopt' a family of your own someday to get the best family experience you can.

I have been lucky in that I have a daughter.
Yet, I have lived my whole parenting life worried she would be taken away from me... that's my experience... no relationship in my life previously has ever felt solid and for sure.

So remember... you're not a 'p****' because you long for a mom and dad and whatever other family members you desire.

Not from personal experience, but I have a formerly close friend whose dad he never even met until a couple of years ago. I know how much it changes people.

But surely it's better than being some orphaned shivering teenage crackwhore out on the street?

thanks, im shure your daughter is a lucky little girl
my family is terrible, my real dad is a coke head, he gave me a christmas card after speaking to me in 7 years with $40 in it
my mom has been married twice, and is taking anti depressants because of me
one of my step dads is a child molestor

If your dad and mom had stayed married...that probably would have been worse.

I've seen families that stayed together that never should have...living with crap that can mess up your head more than a divorce ever could.

My son wants a family too...he wants his mom and his dad to live in the same house like his friends parents do. Although he remembers in the next sentence when his dad was in the same house...it wasn't anything like his friends house.

Once you get past the outward appearances unfortunately you find even what looks like the "perfect" family to you and eveyone else... are in fact many times pretty dysfunctional in some way or another.

Yep! It sucks.

But what we did not have, we can give.

wsmac has a daughter collecting from his loss.

Mine is in college now, and I am as loyal as a dog.

When she was five I was asking her advice on how we should do this thing between us, and she understood.

Her life was a team effort. We are the best of friends.

You are chosing to not continue the sorrow you have seen.

The future is your choice.

my mum an dad never got marryed they spilt up moved away ma sister got a baby an moved ma bro got taken away ma mum drinks all the time and thats wat my familys like

I come from a nuclear family, my parents stayed married (but were like strangers), my brother and sister despise me and cheat me, always have, always will. I was always the outsider in the family.

It ain't all that great.

I got a family here.

Thanks for your comment.

Yep, sounds like your parents have some pretty big issues of their own.

But... I wouldn't say your mom is on anti-depressants because of you... rather it's because of her inability to cope with her situation.
Whether this is organic to her, or it developed over time because of her life experiences.. YOU are not at fault!

Since you've got that idea planted in your mind already, I suppose it'll be hard to erase... but I hope you do someday.

Kids are faulted much too often for their parent's anxieties.
I'm sorry if you were.

I would agree with wsmac.

Remember that you are an individual, and it is you who decides what to make of your life, not your family.

Thanks Inventor and it's nice to hear about your relationship with your own daughter

My family has this pattern:

Woman marries and has kids
Woman and Man argue and eventually divorce
Woman ends up a single mom and has continued difficulties raising children alone
Man provides little if any support during these years.. emotionally or financially
Woman has oldest daughter who she fights with constantly
Oldest daughter 'rebels' by using drugs, drinking alcohol, sneaking out of house to meet boys/men, etc.
Woman has oldest daughter committed to a teen psych hospital ward because woman "Can't do anything about my daughter's behavior"... woman does nothing about her own psych issues though.

Daughter is eventually released and either goes back home to continue pattern from before, or leaves home to live with boyfriend.

Daughter gets pregnant (in a couple of cases... multiple times), has baby and starts the cycle over again.

Woman is now a grandmother... still blames her daughter for all the troubles they had together.

Here's where two different paths have emerged over time...

Woman either bonds with daughter in adult years, then starts to blame grandchild when daughter and child start having problems per the family history...
or
Woman blames daughter and sometimes blames grandchild, but never addresses the real issues.

There have been some slight successes at times but overall... this is how it's been for the women of my family.

My mother blames children for all the troubles that befall parents.
She blamed us and our dad for all her troubles.
She has never taken responsibility for the angry outbursts she would have that had her beating me with a belt until there were belt marks on my body, or with wooden pieces from the antiques she had disassembled in the house, slapping my youngest sister in the face when she had those old-fashioned metal braces on her teeth... no apologies... just blame for the kids.

I have seen this with my two other sisters and their daughters and sons.

This is why I am sesitive to seeing children blamed for the issues their parents have.
My older sister claims her oldest daughter has had some disorder from birth.
This disorder kept this infant from loving her mom.
What I've seen all their time together is that my sister treated her daughter like crap... just like our mom did us but without the beatings (that I know of anyway).

So Richard, please take this to heart... you are NOT responsible for any issues your mother has.
Might you be a bit difficult at times for your mother to handle? Possibly.
But you shouldn't take the blame for her being on psych drugs... NO WAY!

I completely understand what you mean.

My mother and father split up when I was two...they never married before then.
My father started up his own "business" selling weed and my mother became an alcoholic over time.
My mother has partner after partner...most of them being either abusive or just plain lazy.
My father ended up becoming abusive to his latest partner and lost all contact with me.

I used to have two step sisters...sure, they lived with me...but in no way were they like sisters to me.

All I have wanted is a stable family for such a long time...but it never happens.
richardbenson...you are in no way a "p****" for wanting stable family dynamics. I think that is the least that any human deserves.

My parents stayed together for a long time. They were very nasty to each other and they took out their stress on the kids (being very controlling, condescending, explosive tempers, etc.). After they split up, they became nicer people and started treating me better, perhaps because they were happier. But I still wish I could go back in time and trade my family for one that would like me for who I was and support my own interests instead of always trying to change me, discourage me, and make me feel stupid.

Not sure if it would feel the same... but we can do this for you.

Actually it'd be hard not to... you seem like a really nice person!

And I'm not just saying that because you live in Texas!

That's so nice! Now I'm in a better mood.