i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
i don't think that's quite it. yes, people fear what they do not understand or dislike those not similar to themselves... but "giving up" implies they got at least that far because they gave you a chance to begin with in order to be able to then give up on you.
Giving someone no chance at all because they are immediately incomprehensible or otherwise distasteful is the same as giving up; giving up on someone doesn't necessarily take any great investment or effort; often it takes none.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
people who fear or ignore me completely can't ever give up on me...
Or perhaps they give up on you immediately, with no effort at all; I'd say someone who immediately ignores you completely gives up instantly, without a struggle; and, in your case, I know for a fact that it is their loss.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
i think many people like a challenge.
Some people like a challenge; many people prefer to be spoon-fed over a challenge; I know you know this without me having to say so.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
i don't think it is so much the hard work that makes people abandon me (us?) but that the work they put in is not reciprocated.
It depends on the situation, on what someone expects to be reciprocated. The people who I tend to stay friends with the longest are those who expect no constant reciprocation, and understand that I value them as friends without this conventional mechanism; they know because I tell them so, though some choose not to listen. And when they do seek me out, they are rewarded; reciprocation is not necessarily constant returned attention; the best form of reciprocation is being there for someone when they really need you.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
i don't think that is an AS/NT thing.
I agree with you; and I did not imply that it was.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
i know i am bad about that a lot of the time.
I know. As am I, as you know. But for my own part, I tend not to dock people for things I do myself. I have had friends who I've had no contact with for
years, but when I happen to have contact with them again, we just pick right up right where we left off without much thought. These are the type of friends who endure with me; I treasure them, but my own difficulties cause me to be unable to reach out, and this is very consistent with me. People who stay my friends for years, decades, are those who accept that about me; I am clearly not normal.
i_Am_andaJoy wrote:
Icarus_Falling wrote:
It's their loss.
is it? in some cases, yes. but if a person leaves because they are being ignored, then how are they losing anything? i could be an amazing person, but if i never learn or make an effort to communicate with others, and instead just sit in my cave and ignore everyone, then is it
really their loss or mine?
Being ignored is not necessarily a permanent state; if I ignore someone for a week, a month, whatever, and they decide to ditch me entirely, it is their loss because I know I have much to offer to the patient. I speak for myself here, and for nobody else. But the entire point is "giving up" when the cause to do so is superficial; how long do you suppose someone needs to be "ignored" before they should leave, might do so with no loss? What if the perception of being "ignored" is a mistake? (<- This happens to me
all the freaking time.) What if someone has something of great value to offer, but only on certain occasions? That is how such a thing might be the giver-upper's loss.
If you are truly an amazing person (and you know I happen to believe that you are), and the other party gives up on you before benefiting from that amazingness,
yes, it is their loss. Experiencing the amazing is not necessarily a quick and easy process; in fact, it usually is not. It is a good thing many people like a challenge, eh?
Good fortune,
- Icarus's friends put up with the challenge of knowing him...
_________________
Please forgive me if, in the heat of battle, I sometimes forget which side I'm on.