Life is a b**ch...

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First of all I didn't knwo where to put this, so if it's in the wrong spot you can move it mods.(or if it doesn't belong anywhere story of my life)

..That sure is the truth. They say true beauty is on the inside, I must be the ugliest person on earth. I try to be good, I try to fit in but nothing works. I can't figure out my own species! All I want is to live and be happy, laugh with friends and succeed in everything I do. Instead I'm left with lonliness, darkness, sadness and fearfulness. But still I remain hopeful, with every year that passes me by the hope decreases. They say everybody has their niche(sp?) in the world, but do they? They also say everything happens for a reason, that's some bs. So the thousands of people who commit suicide were supposed to? I complain about myself but I'm not hurting. Everything is numb, the very second I do see any light I revert back into the darkness. Nothing matters. Sorry for waisting your time.

You sound depressed. When I'm depressed I remind myself that, because I'm feeling so unbelieveably bad, it can't get any worse. The only place to go is up. It might take some time, but it will happen.

Just trying to give you some hope. Best of luck.

Thanks for the encouragment jawbrodt, I keep trying to remember life is a game. I think? Christians scare me because when everythings so hard I run into christians and they tell me how I should focus on my soul, gotta avoid hell, blah blah blah. that doesn't make me feel better. It's almost traumatizing all my mom ever talks about is how I gotta go to church, read the bible, blah blah blah blah. If I burn forever because I hated life and couldn't see any joy in it . ive tried christianity many times, my mom is a hardcore hypochristian(hypocrit-christian) If I go to hell then thats just not cool because I didn't even get to enjoy life and then I get punished for it, ahhhhhhhhhhh I just need the God of Reason, come into my life, no more chaos. For gods sake I'm a male and i'm probably more emo than little girls.

I have come to the realization lately that I am severly depressed, have been for quite awhile. If it weren't for the fact that I have a kid I probably would've offed myself acouple years ago(or overdosed on drugs). I'm in the process of getting an appointment with a therapist(those people are BUSY LOL) to talk out my problems and/or get some form of antidepressant.

Dont belive we need to do all of that go to church and things, I know that there are some christians out there that are seem happy that others are going to hell and belive every other religeon is evil. Dont need that, I see some shows on tv of it and there is just something ignorant about there view that goes beyond faith and more into narow bullying.

It's like they missed the point I think. I bet if Jesus Christ was alive today hypocrit-christians wouldn't exist. He is a symbol of love and they just forget the fact that he said "love above all else". And when they do good things you know it's because they want their "treasures in heaven" or whatever. Most christians fail to realize they're supposed to bring people to god by being examples of christ NOT fear and threats and acting the exact opposite way Jesus would've acted.

Basically they slaughtered their religion.

Your right, I hate it how they act you should do this to, but then you would be doing it for a reward, would they still do it regardles, there is a lot of selfishism in it. And some think by just saying Jesus's name all the time they are honoring god, thing that gets me most angry is when they use him as a reason for going to war. He would hate to be the reason people would go to other countries for battle.

I can relate to this very well. I have constantly asked myself with all this loneliness, why carry on? What's the purpose? Where's the fullfillment? Throughout most of my life I never could grasp as to why I couldn't fit in or socialize like most people. Even when I did, I just couldn't understand what motivated them to do the things they did such as jobs, careers, education, etc. unless of course it was out of necessity. I hit a great breaking point when I finally had to be hospitalized thrice for suicide. Eventually I got some help but it took a lot of help.

As of lately, I've been reading a book about Cognitive Therapy that a doctor recommened to me. It involves reshaping and/or changing your old perceptions in life that is negative. I used to ponder a lot on how much my life sucked or how bad it was going to get..still do at times. But I've realized yes there are some things I'm powerless over and need to work on and there's things I have great potential in. But I also realize that there are some things that I'm so powerless over that I got to just let it go. Not an easy thing to do but it has helped me in some ways to accept myself and know that no one's perfect.

Aside from myself, you may also be suffering from clinical depression which is what I got treated for. You might want to if you haven't already look into that. I don't think you're too alone in this.

Hope things get better for you soon - remember things change,
and lifes only a b***h if you dont treat her right i`ve heard
See some mention jesus, if there actually is a God/Gods and
they see and have control over what is going on, then they are
the sickest bunch of twisted evil sado-freaks i`ve ever heard of,
personally i wouldn`t even spit on someone like that, and no way
in hell am i vorshipping it, i might be a freak but i`m not a sicko.
"Torture yourself to please your God.."
...you know what, screw that!! ! Screw this God-character. If i should
wake up in a place called heaven after i die, then those beeings there
is going to have one big angry, human problem on their hands, I`ll do
my best to tear the s**t down. It will be one epic meltdown worth a
place in the historybooks.

Anyway, wish you the best and hope things turn for the better soon.