Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

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14. Serial Killer - Chest & nuts roasting on an open fire

15. Claustrophobia - Up on the housetop, click, click, click, trapped in the chimney with old Saint Nick.

16 Autism:

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Autism is not a psychiatric disorder but I've come up with a couple of autism-friendly ones:

We Wish You A Sensory-Friendly Christmas, And A Fireworks-Noise-Cancelling Headphone-Wearing New Year

I'll Have a Red Christmas, Because Lighting It Up Blue Is NOT Autism Friendly

And some more phobia-related ones:

Pogonophobia: Santa Claus is Shaving in Town.

Frigphobia: Please DON'T Let It Snow

Traumatophobia: Grandma Got Gently Nuzzled By a Reindeer

Seasonal Affective Disorder:

'Tis the Season To Be Jolly....fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa...farked.

Addict:

Ding Dong Merrily On High

Surely the autism Christmas carol is Rocking around the Christmas Tree!

Anxiety: I'm dreaming of a calm Christmas

Dementia: I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely

Passive aggressive: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)

selective mutism: Silent Night

insomnia: Past Three O´Clock

Sex Addict - Cum all ye faithful
Depression - Blue Christmas
ADHD - Drummer boy
Intrusive Thoughts - Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Cocaine Addiction - Let it snow
Post natal Depression - What Child Is This?

Suicidal - O .44 Magnum Mysterium
Tourettes - God **** Rest **** Ye *** Merry ****, *** Gentlemen - nob chesse!

Hypochondria - A Flu Christmas

Pyromania - Everything Roasting on an Open Fire

Kleptomania - All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth... and your gifts, and your tree, and your
stockings, and that glowing angel on your front lawn...

Intermittent explosive disorder - You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry BECAUSE I'LL KILL YOU!!



Man, I hope people understand we're not trying to offend anybody and this is all just for fun.

I knew I had seen this thread somewhere before, probably on this forum, and I thought I had copied the texts I thought was funny. I finally got around to checking my old files, and there it was. So these aren't my creativeness at work but too good not to repost:



Schizoid Personality: "Christmas (Baby Please Leave Me Alone)"


We can sing and deck the halls,
But I'm just not happy at all,
'Cause I remember when you weren't here
And all the fun I had last year.

We wish you a merry hand flap
We wish you a merry hand flap
We wish you a merry hand flap
And a happy non-existent social life



AS Carol: "Its the least wonderful time of the year"

There'll be excessive stimming
and much gaze avoiding
'cause everyone's too near!
Its the least wonderful time of the year!



Schizophrenia
Said the man in black to the fugitive,
Do you see what I see?
Said the man in black to the fugitive,
Do you see what I see?
An alien
On a business trip
Said the Wise Men's star was his ship;
They left Jesus on their last trip.

Said the fugitive to the leprechaun,
Do you hear what I hear?
Said the fugitive to the leprechaun,
Do you hear what I hear?
A spy, a spy
From the CIA
Found the bug in my head today,
Now they're gonna take me away.

Said the leprechaun to the frightened me,
Do you know what I know?
Said the leprechaun to the frightened me,
Do you know what I know?
Me arms, me arms, strapped across me chest
I must be in the cuckoo's nest
I must be in the cuckoo's nest.

Said the real me to the people in my head,
Listen to what I say.
Said the real me to the people in my head,
Listen to what I say:
My shrink, my shrink
Gave me Risperdal
So now I can't hear you at all,
So now I can't hear you at all.




Aspie, the AS reindeer
Liked to put his stuff in rows
and if you ever met him
You'd see his obsessions grow

(like collecting lightbulbs!)

All of the other reindeer,
used to laugh and call him names
But that didn't mean poor Aspie
Never got to play fun games

(like perseverating on numerical patterns!)

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
"Aspie, your brain is so orderly,
Won't you improve my flight plan for me?"

Then all the reindeer loved him,
and they told him with a grin,
"We're gonna have a party,
(but) Don't worry, you can sit and stim!"

(And that’s what he diiiiiiiiiiiiiid!!))




I want a Particle Accelerator for Christmas (to the tune of I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas)

I want a particle accelerator for Christmas!
Only a particle accelerator will do!
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a particle accelerator to play with and enjoy

I want a particle accelerator for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring it through the front door, that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes
to see the Cal Tech accelerator standing there

I want a particle accelerator for Christmas.
Only a particle accelerator will do.
No cyclotrons, no electrostatic generators
I only like linear acceleration
And excited particles like me too!

and these:

On the first day of solstice wrong planet gave to me
An emu egg for my first post

On the second day of solstice wrong planet gave to me
Two butterflies
and an emu egg for my first post

On the third day of solstice wrong planet gave to me
Three hummingbirds
Two butterflies
and an emu egg for my first post

On the fourth day of solstice wrong planet gave to me
Four tufted titmice
Three hummingbirds
Two butterflies
and an emu egg for my first post

On the fifth day of solstice wrong planet gave to me
Five picus varius (yellow bellied woodpecker)
Four tufted titmice
Three hummingbirds
Two butterflies
and an emu egg for my first post


Six Blue Jays singing
Seven Ravens raving
Eight Snowy Owls
Nine Pileated woodpeckers
Ten Sea Gulls soaring
Eleven Deinonychus
Twelve trolls a melting




"The holly and the ivy,
When they are both full grown...
Represent quite nicely
Paganism with Christianity o'erthrown

The holly bears a prickle
As sharp as any thorn;
And Mary bore sweet Jesus Christ
On Christmas Day in the morn.

But the date of our Christmas
was fixed to match Yule
The early British missionaries
were no-o-o-ones fools.



Deck the halls with gasoline,
fa la la la, la la la la

Light a match and watch it gleam,
fa la la la, la la la la

Break a window, pop a tire,
Light an old lady's pants on fire.

'Tis the season to be naughty,
Fa la la la, la la la la



It was the night before Christmas (Bundy version)
It was the night before Christmas
And all through the house
No food was a-stirring
Not even a mouse

Stockings were hung round dad’s neck like a tie
Along with a note that said “Presents or die”
Children were plotting all night in their beds
While the wife’s constant whining was splitting his head.
But Daddy had money this year in the bank
Then they closed up early, now dad’s in a tank
But all of a sudden, Santa appeared
With a sneer on his face and booze in his beard

“Santa,” I said as he laughed merrily
“You do so much for others, do something for me?”
“Bundy,” he said, “you only sell shoes.
Your son is a sneak thief, your daughter’s a flooze.
“Ho-ho,” Santa said, “Should I mention your wife?
Her hair’s like an a-bomb, her nails like a knife.”

And he climbs up the chimney, that fat piece of dung
He mooned me two times, he stuck out his tongue.
And hurriedly exclaimed as he broke wind with glee
“You’re married with children, you’ll never be free.”


c'mon, the Bundys qualify for this