we laugh ha,ha,ha!

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tell a joke or post one.

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.”

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents! Hahahaha...okay.

A girl walks into a shop selling hearing devices.

"I'd like a hearing aid please" said the girl.

"Excuse me, could you repeat that please, said the assistant.

“I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.”

-chris rock

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pnivTYn-dps&search=funny

What do you call a dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night worrying about if there's a dog or not.

A husband ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered
"THE TEETH."




Sorry pad, I didn't see this thread when I made one similar. I don't know how to delete the similar thread I made or I would have done so.

how does orion keep his pants up?


using jupiter's belt.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRp_r-EHmfs[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-zFQ9fOTSU[/youtube]

An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer. Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was something special he wanted to do on his final day. Again, the inmate declined the offer. The following morning, as he inmate was being put before the firing squad, the guard asked him if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" asked the guard. The inmate thought for a moment, then replied, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, from beginning to end, without any interruptions." The guard nodded and agree"Go ahead," said the guard. The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

A bear and a rabbit are taking a poop in the woods. At the end of the act, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks "Do you ever have problems with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a second before replying "No, can't say that I ever have."

So the bear wipes himself with the rabbit.

Picabo Street, after retiring from skiing, apparently went to work in the health industry. It wasn't long before she landed a nice ward clerk job at a local hospital's Intensive Care Unit. They loved her there, as she did such a great job. However, it wasn't long before they had to transfer her to a different ward - unfortunately, patients were complaining. Apparently, when she answered the phone, her standard greeting was "Picabo, ICU...."

Recently, the UN organised a worldwide survey in which they tried to gather answers to the following question:

"Please state your opinion as to the solution regarding hunger in the rest of the world."

It failed, because...

The South Americans didn't understand the meaning of "Please"

The Chinese didn't understand the meaning of "Opinion"

The Israelis and Arabs didn't understand the meaning of "Solution"

The Germans and French didn't understand the meaning of "Hunger"

...And

The Americans didn't understand the meaning of "Rest of the world."

In the beginning, it was dark. So God said, "Let there be light!".
But nothing happened.
That's when God realized, he forgot to screw in the lightbulb.