moment of revelation

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I came across some literature by chance and began to peruse, within minutes i had found the start to my closure on the last twenty years of thinking im just an incredibly weak and insecure person. Now i feel really sorry for myself, but am privately very proud of the skills i developed when i was accepting full responsibility of my 'bad character'. I dont know if it's even worth getting a diagnosis now.
Young women with aspergers, preferably those who have muddled into adulthood before this aforementioned moment of revelation, please offer feedback. I am fascinated, i need answers and a platform on which to compare myself, so i that i may guage the severity of my situation and make wise choices hereafter.

I just went through a similar procedure fairly recently. I suppose the idea of whether or not to seek a diagnosis is up to the individual. If it can help you (such as getting assistance in school or at work, or just getting final closure for yourself, or an explanation to the people you know when you slip up), then by all means. But if you don't feel you need it, or you don't particularly want to seek it (because of the stigma, the cost, the effort)... why bother?
As soon as it was suggested to me (by several people) and I was evaluated by a GP and read up on it, the desire to have a "yes or no" answer was very strong for me, and I put a lot of effort into getting appointments made with the appropriate people as soon as possible.
Now that I have my official "yes or no" (a yes, incidentally), I have recognized some problems and solutions I would probably not have encountered otherwise. It's been a ride, but mostly positive.
That, at least, is my experience.

thankyou for replying to my post, getting worried no one liked me lol, may i ask if you have yet become a mother, and if so, how profound was the experience for you? i am already decided on the diagnosis, have an appointment tomorrow, tis true the desire to have closure is an overriding incentive. how old were you when you sought this diagnosis?

I'm 22, and literally -just- got the diagnosis. A couple of weeks ago. Although the whole AS thing was started a couple of months ago and it was pretty much unofficially confirmed right from the start.
No, I haven't become a mother, and I don't think that's in my near future (well, at the moment, I'm not really thinking it's in any future, but that can change, I suppose). It's just been studies and hobbies/obsessions.
How about you? (And also... how on earth were you able to get yourself an appointment that fast? I'm always fighting for them.)

American, British or 'other'?

Adult diagnosis can be difficult in Britain.

I was a 'bad girl'. Too odd, too strange, too weird - didn't make (or keep) friends easily, over emotional yet considered 'cold'. Participated (and indulged) in many things most would consider dangerous and/or inappropriate...

However, my 'oddities' have worked out for the best for me. I have found a fabulous partner who loves me despite (because of?) my weirdness. My off-beat and creative tendancies/mindset (who ever said that aspergerers aren't creative is talking rot) have lead me through a fantastic and creative performance career to teaching.

You might think you are/have been a 'bad girl' - you're NOT.

My bets are that you have just taken a different approach. One that most people wouldn't choose for themselves and therefore they can't understand your motivations.

Be you. So long as you aren't endangering other people (or yourself beyond your reasoned risks) what does it matter?

Chin up. Enjoy.

(edited to add: I thought I was a f****d up, horrible, nasty, weak, weirdo before I happened upon AS. Creative but self-esteem and confidence around the level of zilch. In retrospect, I can celebrate my weirdness - but at the time I just thought I was a f**k-up. The discovery of my AS has helped me find my place in the world.)

where is everyone from? im british, am very soon to embark on my pursuit for a diagnosis, may i hear of these difficulties i could face? very grateful for all feedback
ps. im bad to the bone im quite sure

notlurkingwell: me too. Both to the "bad girl" and to your experiences on discovery of AS.
angelica: I'm from Canada, and don't know about British procedures. However, I can tell you that no matter where you go, there is a broad spectrum - from the doctor who *really listens* to the doctor who just wants to give you the latest anti-depressant (I've been lucky enough not to encounter this one yet, especially as depression isn't one of my issues, though apparently I have heard some like to "premedicate" for prevention...? sounds iffy).

my strategy has made itself to get what is mine, i dont anticipate much friction if i can be forthright, in fact im worried theyll commit me! and i will hopefully say no to the pills! not my cup of tea. does anyone else want to live in an old movie?

I appear to be in the same situation you are. I'm 27 and have only just realized that I may have AS. In fact I've scheduled with a psychologist next week to find out if I really am or if I've just caved into self diagnosis.

For the longest time I just thought I was a spoiled selfish brat who was a product of poor parenting and a bad marriage. Especially when I looked at many of my poor impuslive choices and how I've gotten myself into quite a rut that I can't really blame on anyone else. I'm above average intelligence and very creative. I have had hobby obessions since I was 6. But the crazy things I do have haunted me. I am growing to the point where I am starting to really hate myself; looking at my behaviors and choices and that I couldn't just "get over things" and move on. That I've reacted so strangely and had "episodes" that no one else seemed to have. Especially when looking at the way others cope and that they didn't seem to be having the same issues.

Everyone makes bad choices but still....

I then met a friend who later came out and said that he is an aspie. He described some of the symptoms and at first I didn't really think about it. Then for some reason I started reading more and more. I then began realizing that some of my behaviors and comments others have made about my behaviors really fit within the AS realm. I even tried some online tests and scored very high. Some symptoms don't fit as well, but I noticed that either I "used" to do them and learned a way around it or that not everyone necessarily has every single symptom listed anyway. There seems to be a rather large spectrum that encompasses a large range of behaviors.

I supposed I could just leave it at that and not get a diagnosis. But the only thing I'm concerned about is that maybe I'm not AS. Maybe I'm caught up in "self diagnosis" and self fulfilling prophesies; because who wants to think of themselves as lazy and spoiled right? Like I want some kind of excuse or out for my behavior. Yeah I have AS, that's why I've made bad choices and act so childish sometimes.

I really don't want that. I made the bad choices on my own even if AS was there or not. I still clearly have emotional and mental issues and I can identify heavily with people here. In the end I just want help. I don't want to be told I have AS just for someone to make money off of me and I don't want to be told I'm "fine" because damnit I know I'm not. And I have at track record to prove it!

So yeah I've got an appointment with a shrink next week to find out what the truth is and get the appropriate assistance. Good luck with your own self search.