AS women vs men

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What do you think are the main differences between men and women with AS?

Probably not very many. But for some reason, females don't get diagnosed as often as males.

That's probably a question you should ask your parents.

Women/girls don't fit the stereotypes as well, since we're better at social stuff (at least on the surface) and less into technology, on average. So we're probably being underdiagnosed. And I think there's a sense that females who fit the male stereotype (computer geek) are somehow more autistic than females who don't. At least that's the impression I got when I was diagnosed a decade ago.

Tony Attwood (in one of his online articles) did say something about girls often not being interested in technology so much.

With one notable exception. I've had total strangers (males) pass me in public places, e.g. the library, and command "Smile!" Would they say that to another male? I don't think so! Unsmiling men are preoccupied, and should be left undisturbed. Unsmiling women are unattractive, and should be corrected. To that I say, Bull $#!+ ! !! !! !!

I have noticed this in many forms. Women are expected to be "pretty", "bubbly", and "male-focused". When in college I read in the park even the women who frequented the park thought "she must be lonely" and would sit beside me and strike up a conversation.

When I was starting my career, I would often spend evening hours at work, reading technical material in an attempt to achieve some mastery of subjects that were new to me. Numerous male employees did this too. Yet when the boss came around, it was always to me that he would comment something like "now what are you doing here this late? You should be out having fun!" I am convinced that he meant well, but the implicit assumption was that I should not be making the effort that was expected of the men.

And yes - i have had many instances of guys saying "smile!". I just respond insanely - "can't, ran out of Prozac!" or some such.

Have been repeatedly told to smile, by both males and females-and even by total strangers.

Always annoyed me & still does-if I'm not smiling, I must have good reason, and am not inclined to pretend otherwise. It's not my nature to be false, display pleasant surface so as to conceal the roiling mess underneath. Have little sense that males are routinely instructed to do so (I'm female). So why do I have to be the "happy-looking" one ?

I've got a lot on my mind all the time, and even when thinking "okay" (neutral) things I tend not to display raw positive emotion in public-it's not safe to do so. People look at you with much more concern if you look too happy than if you look too mad or too sad. Go figure, huh ?

Want to be able to make friends in offline life, and am advised that I must smile in order to make that work-because my unpleasant facial expression "turns folks off from" wanting to get to know me. Frustrating how self-perpetuating that is, too.

Can't just sit around outside smiling ! Scowling or not, am stuck waiting for some unknown, unmet, imaginary person to come over to me (which doesn't happen or doesn't go well) and I don't dare approach others, either.

Another thing -- I notice that, as I've gotten older (I'm 56), the commands to "Smile" have considerably dwindled. When a woman gets older, nobody gives a hoot whether she smiles or not.

I've gotten the "smile" thing, too. The only time I took it seriously was when it was from my boss when I was a bus girl in a restaurant. It really makes a difference with the customers if you're friendly, and it is part of the job. The rest of the time - forget it.

Though I do find myself being surprised when men smile at me, and it thaws me out a bit (except if they're being creeps) - it reminds me that most of the time people just want to be nice and for other people to be nice back again. No big costs there. So I smile back if I have time to react. Though I won't usually smile first, unless it's just a neighbourly "hi" when I meet someone when I'm out hiking. Though usually then I'm smiling and saying hi to the dog, then just kind of nodding at the person following, since the dog usually reaches me first.

I'm a guy and this has happened to me too.

Both our sexes go into a situation where we need to socialise. We both fall short of it, anyone whoes imature acts out badly toward us. I don't know. It seems like males have some kind of pressure put on them to be Mr. Impressive, perfect dude. (pressure to display certain sterio typical achievments of what would be culturaly considered "manly".)

Does a total disinterest in sex go for both genders, just for the "average" AS male, or is it a rarer AS trait? On the AS partner support forum I'm on, it seems to be a major cause of depression and frustration for NT partners.

From the title I thought it was going to be a no holds barred, gender war, to which I was fully prepared to throw my hands up in the air and say "My give up" and surrender to my new feminine overlords.

Oh well, a boy has a right to dream.

Are there really any big differences that aren't regular non aspie gender differences that simply effect the aspie experience in the same way gender still effects the life experience of all humans, for better and for worse?

Can you rephrase that question? I reads like it's in pain.

hello

well basically i think that within general society it is more acceptable to be a kind, caring, quiet female or a tough, go getter male, therefore anyone who displays a differing set of personality traits is no longer acceptable to the general society (sorry for the gross generalization but i hope you understand what i am saying) there fore any male that appears to display emotional responses is considered a little strange where as a female is expected to display an emotional response, personally i am female, love quantum physics and display virtually no emotional responses (in public) and have been seen as strange all my life, but oh well