A man touched me and I almost threw up

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I am being perfectly serious.
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I used to have boyfriends. I have 2 kids. I was married. So, I have been with men before. But then I was married to a very violent man. Some things happened. And now, I just can't see being with anyone again.

Also, I don't like it when anyone other than my kids touches me.

There's a man in my life that wants to be my boyfriend. He really wants to. I don't know why. I tell him that I don't ever want to be with a man again. I have said those words. I told him I have PTSD from my marriage. He still pursues me.

The other day he came up behind me and grabbed my breasts from behind. I immediately became sick to my stomach. I thought I was going to barf.

The problem is, because of the abuse that I have been through, when things like this happen to me, I become paralyzed. I can't talk. I can't move. So, I was unable to say to him that that makes me sick and he should never do it again.

I see him every day.

I made up my mind to confrot him, but I couldn't.

I'm paralyzed with fear.

Other than moving to the other side of the country in the night, what can I do?

That's a perfectly normal reaction to that sort of behaviour. That was assault.

I realise that your aversion to touch is considerably greater than most other people's, but that behaviour isn't acceptable to anyone.

I'd report him.

perfectly understandable, it's like the other said, it's assault and I know lots of women, but if I liked them, I would you know hug, or a firm handshake and a smile, but if a person I knew grabbed a sexually arousal point on my body, friend or no I would well, have a problem with it, being abused or not, it's not acceptable to grab someone anyways, it shows a lack of respect for someones diginity

Yeah, that was assault. Stop having anything to do with the guy. And if you have problems with freezing in confrontations, take a self defense course. Model Mugging is the best.

He has no right to touch you like that without your permission. Do you work with this man? If you do report him immediately. I would be sick to my stomach as well.

This guy is not respecting the boundaries that you have made clear to him.

That, in itself, is not acceptable.

Is he someone you are forced into contact with on a daily basis? Is he a friend outside of work who wants to become something more? How much do you value the relationship?

If this is a coworker, his behavior was inappropriate, and he should be reported to HR, or at the least you should tell him if it happens again you are going to HR.

If this is a friend, he's not being much of a friend. I would at most give him one more chance to prove he can respect your boundaries. If you can't confront him with your boundaries do it in writing where you can compose your thoughts in advance.

Personally, I think you should probably have nothing further to do with this individual if he's ignoring your boundaries. I realize though that I don't know the entire situation, and you may have reason to continue the friendship, if these issues can be dealt with.


As far as you yourself.... if you want to be intimate again, then I suggest you build a trusting relationship with a thoughtful respectful partner, and take things really slow. Someone who's willing to just hold your hand while you become comfortable with their touch, and not press the issue till you are ready. Here's the rub, finding the man with that much patience is well nigh impossible.

Dealing with PTSD and sex issues is frustrating, for both you and a potential partner. It kept me mostly abstinent for the better part of 6 years.

If you choose to ever take another lover, you need to find someone who will work at your pace, someone who's willing to take the time to build the trust nessecary for you to let that wall down. I have reservations if this guy is capable of being that lover.

I would have done the same thing, what he did was unacceptable and I would report him!

I would confront him and ask why he did that. Taking such actions would imply that he has no serious desire to be your boyfriend.

I think that maybe the only way to talk to him is to write it down. I have tried before, and I ended up just talking to him on the phone and telling him off. He said he understood (this was a while back) but he was undaunted.

I have gone to counselling and the male counselor, whose specialty was tweakers with PTSD, not sexual assault survivors, said that I am leading this man on by not screaming at him or something. But I am saying No, when I am able, and I am never sending him a message that I am interested. Because I'm not. So, I gave up on counselling.

Thanks for your responses. It makes me feel a little stronger.

Perhaps, and I'm not saying automatically that women are any better mind, next time make sure it's a woman therapist? When I did see a female therapist, she was much more understanding...and willing to let me talk through things without being judgemental. Which was really nice.

Also, if at all possible, try to find one that is a specialist in these kinds of things. There are therapists out there that specialize in PTSD, and sexual assault survivors.

NTs get really deaf at times, I have neighbours who I've had to scream at to actually get them to leave me alone. No amount of polite speech filters thru their thick skulls. I told them I'd paint "f**k OFF TREVOR AND MARIE" on the side of the house if they couldn't understand speech. It's a bizarre thing, they only hear what they want to hear.

You probably do have to scream at the guy.

There's an expression you know "You could whack 'em over the head with a length of wood and they'd still keep on coming. A lot of people are like that.

I would go to your work supervisor if he's a co-worker, to the manager if you only see each other in some other establishment, to the apartment manager if you see him near where you live, and to the police if it's none of the above (and maybe even if it is, too). File a formal complaint. Start a paper trail.

I would bet money that this guy will escelate, and you need to have it on record now that you are not encouraging him.

WTF does he think he is doing?! !! !! !!

I would say that you should drop the f***er from all your lists and enlist the help of one of your girl-friends to tell this creep that you wish to have nothing to do with him again. That is a clear violation of your space and would piss off anyone, let alone someone with PTSD. Granted I also have sex related issues, but my argument still stands.

Wow. This calls for a restraining order...

I do like the board to the side of the head idea as well. Theoretically, of course. He's being as abusive as that other person who caused your PTSD.

Actually, it's time to act like a witch, tell him to leave you alone in no uncertain terms, and if he comes near you, that you will immediately report him, whether to your boss, or to the police.

And if he does come onto you or grab you again, you do exactly what you told him you would do. Without hesitation.

Nice does not work in these situations, but clear, meaningful statements that involve a repercussion if he doesn't leave you alone-and then following through-usually do.

And actually, if you really feel like barfing when this twit touches you, actually barfing on him will put the lull in his "amore" right quick. I am being both wry and serious.

Much metta, Rjaye

That's a normal reaction. Considering what you've told him, I'm pretty amazed you haven't filed sexual harassment charges against him

If you ever find yourself, somehow, alone with him in any context (but especially if he is drunk), don't talk to him. Don't believe him when he says 'he just wants to talk.'
Run.
Get the hell out of there and into some safe place with other people around.
Seriously.