Do you feel odd when a guy calls you names like sweetie?

Page 4 of 5 [ 74 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Emoal6
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 288
Location: phoenix AZ

15 Oct 2008, 5:35 pm

Im not being a jerk here, sorry to inform you of that. If you have a problem with the name someone calls you, you're being insecure. You'd have every right if it was a negative slur like slut or whore or c**t, or any other deragatory term. But to have a problem with dear, sweetie, darlin', and all those other TERMS OF ENDEARMENT just adds to your having social anxiety and anti-social characteristics.

Its not my fault you cant be comfortable with someone else being confident in their persona. Its also not my fault that you feel its a PERSONAL PRIVILEDGE, seeing as thats your PERSONAL OPINION. All you have there is an opinion, and DARLIN' your opinion DOESNT MATTER in this instance. People have been saying these words for at least a century now, and I happen to know from experience people are more friendly when you USE THEM.

Im not trying to "respect or disrespect" you by calling you hun or dear or babe. If you take it that way, its your own fault. Stop being so standoffish, learn to live a little. No one's asking you to cook a pie or clean a living room here. All they're saying is a simple word, usually between 3 and 7 letters long, BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW YOUR NAME. And did you ever think you may not be worthy of me asking for your name? Maybe I dont want to know it. Maybe I just want to say "excuse me dear, do you know where the restroom is?" Why do I need to know your name for that?

Maybe I dont know if I'll like you so Im seeing if you'll be a b***h when I say those words. Maybe I just want to get through the day like everyone else and have gotten to the point where your name is the last thing I care about. Maybe a name is just a name and you all shouldnt put so much value into it.

For godsakes, you're bitching about being called babe. If you dont understand, babe means good looking, beautiful, gorgeous. It doesnt have to mean your my significant other. Quit crying about something so ridiculous. Its one thing if they said you're the opposite of a babe, but you're crying about a term used daily by MANY people.

Honestly this is about as ret*d as the n word being taboo. My bloodline has jewish blood, they were slaves for 1000s of years, by SEVERAL cultures. You're all just bitching about symantics, Get over it. Oh my god, a man called you a 3-7 letter word that had only positivity behind it most of the time. Unfathomable, I hope you dont get traumatized from it.



musicforanna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 798
Location: Kansas City, Missouri

15 Oct 2008, 10:30 pm

Emoal6 wrote:
Im not being a jerk here, sorry to inform you of that. If you have a problem with the name someone calls you, you're being insecure. You'd have every right if it was a negative slur like slut or whore or c**t, or any other deragatory term. But to have a problem with dear, sweetie, darlin', and all those other TERMS OF ENDEARMENT just adds to your having social anxiety and anti-social characteristics.

Its not my fault you cant be comfortable with someone else being confident in their persona. Its also not my fault that you feel its a PERSONAL PRIVILEDGE, seeing as thats your PERSONAL OPINION. All you have there is an opinion, and DARLIN' your opinion DOESNT MATTER in this instance. People have been saying these words for at least a century now, and I happen to know from experience people are more friendly when you USE THEM.

Im not trying to "respect or disrespect" you by calling you hun or dear or babe. If you take it that way, its your own fault. Stop being so standoffish, learn to live a little. No one's asking you to cook a pie or clean a living room here. All they're saying is a simple word, usually between 3 and 7 letters long, BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW YOUR NAME. And did you ever think you may not be worthy of me asking for your name? Maybe I dont want to know it. Maybe I just want to say "excuse me dear, do you know where the restroom is?" Why do I need to know your name for that?

Maybe I dont know if I'll like you so Im seeing if you'll be a b***h when I say those words. Maybe I just want to get through the day like everyone else and have gotten to the point where your name is the last thing I care about. Maybe a name is just a name and you all shouldnt put so much value into it.

For godsakes, you're bitching about being called babe. If you dont understand, babe means good looking, beautiful, gorgeous. It doesnt have to mean your my significant other. Quit crying about something so ridiculous. Its one thing if they said you're the opposite of a babe, but you're crying about a term used daily by MANY people.

Honestly this is about as ret*d as the n word being taboo. My bloodline has jewish blood, they were slaves for 1000s of years, by SEVERAL cultures. You're all just bitching about symantics, Get over it. Oh my god, a man called you a 3-7 letter word that had only positivity behind it most of the time. Unfathomable, I hope you dont get traumatized from it.

I know that you're probably not intending to be a jerk, but you're seriously coming off as a jerk here.

I mean it. Do not be surprised if you travel somewhere, and upon calling a woman a 'term of endearment' that she looks at you strange. Why? Because it's not generally acceptable to call a woman you don't know those names. Just stick to ma'am and you will be fine. Doing otherwise is overstepping social etiquette. This is a social norm, I've learned. And I am hardly the only one who has this opinion either, beings that this is a social norm.

I don't like being called babe, not because I don't think I'm attractive. It's because it sounds creepy and stalkerish coming from a random stranger. It's like walking up to someone you don't know and telling them that you want in their pants.

If women scrunch their faces and look at you in disgust like you're a pig, then it's your own damn fault that you chose the wrong damn thing to call them.

It's nothing to cry over & you can save your 'non sequitur' 'appeal to pity' story for another day. If there's anyone overreacting, it's you.



LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,402

16 Oct 2008, 12:01 am

Contrast this statement:

Emoal6 wrote:
Im not trying to "respect or disrespect" you by calling you hun or dear or babe.


with this one:

Quote:
All you have there is an opinion, and DARLIN' your opinion DOESNT MATTER in this instance.


and this one:

Quote:
And did you ever think you may not be worthy of me asking for your name?


Anyone else see the ...eh... disagreement... between statements?

Quote:
All they're saying is a simple word, usually between 3 and 7 letters long, BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW YOUR NAME.


Hi, I'm so-and-so - what's your name?
Hi, what should I call you?
Hi, I didn't catch your name...?
Who should I ask for if I want to get in touch with you again?

I can type those in less than 30 seconds each. They may be longer than "Babe," but they're not long enough to justify skipping them - especially when spoken.


Quote:
Maybe I just want to say "excuse me dear, do you know where the restroom is?" Why do I need to know your name for that?


You don't. You also don't need the 'dear,' unless perhaps you're a couple decades older than the person in question.

Quote:
Maybe I dont know if I'll like you so Im seeing if you'll be a b***h when I say those words.


coming from someone like you, 'b***h' is usually a compliment. Do you think Hillary Clinton, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Teresa Hintz-Kerry, Michelle Obama et all, are b*****s, too? I suspect I'm in good company.



daysleeper
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 32
Location: france

16 Oct 2008, 3:16 am

violet_yoshi wrote:
I met someone in a chat, and imed them. Then they started flirting with me, like calling me honey and sweetie, and it's like "I just met you and you're already trying to get with me?" it just makes me feel icky. Like, why can't we just talk without it being like, a flirting situation? Does anyone else hate when this happens?


theres a guy at my mother's work who calls all the women "sweetie" and "sunshine" and things like that, in a professional situation where he is the boss no less.
she told me she started saying "good morning, cupcake!" to him every time she came in to work, and eventually he got the message. hasn't called her a pet name since.



MadAme
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jul 2008
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 99
Location: At wits' end

16 Oct 2008, 8:43 am

What I REALLY hate is when someone, let's say a waitress, addresses my husband as "sir" and me as "honey." Hey, either there are a Sir and a Ma'am here, or there are two honeys. Make up your freakin mind.



Anemone
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,060
Location: Edmonton

16 Oct 2008, 3:08 pm

daysleeper wrote:
theres a guy at my mother's work who calls all the women "sweetie" and "sunshine" and things like that, in a professional situation where he is the boss no less.
she told me she started saying "good morning, cupcake!" to him every time she came in to work, and eventually he got the message. hasn't called her a pet name since.


Yesss!



Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

16 Oct 2008, 3:14 pm

That's why I don't like it either, and I'm a guy. I find it belittling.



musicforanna
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 798
Location: Kansas City, Missouri

16 Oct 2008, 8:22 pm

daysleeper wrote:
violet_yoshi wrote:
I met someone in a chat, and imed them. Then they started flirting with me, like calling me honey and sweetie, and it's like "I just met you and you're already trying to get with me?" it just makes me feel icky. Like, why can't we just talk without it being like, a flirting situation? Does anyone else hate when this happens?


theres a guy at my mother's work who calls all the women "sweetie" and "sunshine" and things like that, in a professional situation where he is the boss no less.
she told me she started saying "good morning, cupcake!" to him every time she came in to work, and eventually he got the message. hasn't called her a pet name since.

:!: :lol: Awesome!!



HaliaTotheres
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 411

17 Oct 2008, 2:39 pm

Sweetie is the only one I like, only because a person I liked just out of the blue said it to me one day a year out of highschool (way after i stopped liking him) and it made my day :). So, I do like sweetie.



Silver_Meteor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,399
Location: Warwick, Rhode Island

29 Nov 2008, 6:52 pm

The public accountant I work with. he calls the female clients: "beautiful" or "love" when they come in. A lot of his clients (male and female) he will great with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I am overweight and he sometimes calls me "slim and trim".

When you fill in the context, in which it occurs, it makes perfect sense: He is ethnic Italian married with kids and has close ties to the Italian community in Rhode Island with a lot of people interconnected and also add to this that the clients he has are people he has known for many years and many of them are personal friends who exchange favors back and forth.
It's kind of like he see his friends as sort an an extended family.


_________________
Not through revolution but by evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.


TXaspie
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 284

24 Dec 2008, 1:19 am

As a guy I actually like being called sweetie, I've been called that a few times by random women.(a girl working at checkout for instance)

Usually old...but sometimes I've been called that by peers and that's even better. Hubba hubba!

I guess it pays off to be a clueless aspie sometimes.



Hovis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jul 2006
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 936
Location: Lincolnshire, England

29 Dec 2008, 10:40 am

I don't like any virtual stranger calling me by a pet name, whether it's a man or another woman.

I also really dislike people who you speak to in a business capacity (them: service provider, you: customer) insisting on immediately addressing me by my first name rather than Miss ------. Perhaps I'm particularly formal.



LKL
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,402

29 Dec 2008, 3:08 pm

I wonder if there's this idea (in America? In small-town America? In certain parts of America? It's worse where I live now, in a small northern California town, than it was in Portland, Oregon) that it's 'friendly' to assume that friendship exists de novo. Like one is supposed to give every new person the benefit of the doubt to the extreme that they start out as bosom buddies and work downward from there.
Are women in the army, a culture where pretty much *everyone* is referred to by last name, still addressed by their first name or by 'Sweetie'?

I think that a corollary to this is the issue of men telling women to 'smile.' Like it's part of a woman's responsibilities, regardless of what job she's in, to look carefree and attractive (attracted?), rather than serious, businesslike, and thoughtful (this is a big one for aspies).



eristocrat
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 170
Location: Pervasive D-Hell

29 Dec 2008, 7:19 pm

LKL wrote:

I think that a corollary to this is the issue of men telling women to 'smile.' Like it's part of a woman's responsibilities, regardless of what job she's in, to look carefree and attractive (attracted?), rather than serious, businesslike, and thoughtful (this is a big one for aspies).


Or the female responsibility to be "pleasant and cheerful" all the time which I find asinine. I've had problems at jobs I liked a lot because I apparently lacked the demeanor to do clerical work?

Admittedly, when people call me names like "sweetie" I tend to get mad and overreact. One of the things I do is say it back. They don't like that.



Emoal6
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2006
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 288
Location: phoenix AZ

30 Dec 2008, 9:08 pm

eristocrat, they dont like it because you repeat it, not reciprocate it. You also probably use it in a hyper sarcastic manner Id bet. And lkl, thats where I come from! Where everyone is my best friend/close family member until proven otherwise. Im sorry you cant be as "positive" about people as I can. I choose to believe if Im nice to you, you'll be nice back.

The problem is, you all started ripping on a "stereotype"(something you all have created and still get away with). How ANY GUY who uses the word sweetheart, or dear, or whatever TERM OF ENDEARMENT, is creepy. For lack of better words, THATS f****d UP. Im a very nice guy when Im not insulted. I tend to be too nice, until I understand where you're really coming from.

You just dont know how to be a "good" person. One who uses pleasantries instead of just some word on a piece of paper(that would be your birth certificate folks). Or worse MISS. When did you become of royal or even REMOTELY IMPORTANT status with the rest of the world? You should be happy you got babe, or dear, or sweetie. At least they were trying to be nice instead of cut and dried formalities.

When's the world gonna learn to just GET ALONG, instead of demanding they get "proper respect". Get over it. You're attractive to someone, oh my god, cry me a river! Start looking on the bright side!



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,032

30 Dec 2008, 9:17 pm

Emoal6 wrote:


You just dont know how to be a "good" person. One who uses pleasantries instead of just some word on a piece of paper(that would be your birth certificate folks). Or worse MISS. When did you become of royal or even REMOTELY IMPORTANT status with the rest of the world? You should be happy you got babe, or dear, or sweetie. At least they were trying to be nice instead of cut and dried formalities.

When's the world gonna learn to just GET ALONG, instead of demanding they get "proper respect". Get over it. You're attractive to someone, oh my god, cry me a river! Start looking on the bright side!


i think perhaps you need to explore the definition of sexual harassment.