I'm a creep magnet

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Unfortunately, confidence is in especially short supply lately. It seems gothing up attracts attention to me even when it's non-provocative goth, eg I'm wearing pants, not with spikes, covered up in black, no makeup, and Doctor Marten work boots on my feet.

It just seems like no matter how I dress, somebody will twist it into being a reason to approach me, so I rarely bother with anything but 'normal' jeans and t shirts.

It's not like the other goths in the area would even accept me anyway, so I just try and fade into the background away from creeps and people who want money.

It is rather unfortunate that people who are drawn to the lifestyle join because they feel like outcasts, then promptly turn into elitist little s**ts isn't it.

The confidence part is the more important one. The thing is you do not have to actually have it to project it. It is very much a "fake it till you make it" thing.

ALWAYS hold your head level with the ground or better yet, just ever so slightly higher. This is key, as looking at the ground betrays your feeling that you are "low rank in the pack".

If someone that you do not want to speak to begins speaking to you, do not act alarmed. Act bored. You have better things to do with your time than even listen to them for two more seconds. Aloofness translates very well into "Hello I am unattainable to you".

Talk on your cell phone. If you are out and someone tries to speak to you that makes you uncomfortable, pull out your mobile. Check the time. Make a thoughtful face. Then dial someone, anyone. Or even just pretend to, and then walk off "talking". The point of the creepy guy trying to chat you up is that he wants your attention. If you are already giving it to someone else, then you are automatically less attractive. (At least slightly) Keep the number to the police in your phone. If they do not back off when you are "chatting on the phone", duck into a building, or at least a doorway to a building and call the police.

Take care in your general appearance. If you are frumpy then more of these "pick them off from the herd" types will approach you. Hair brushed, face clean, shoulders back. You want reasonably unwrinkled clothing, well matched, and no nonsense. If you appear to take care in yourself then a lot of the creepy ones will pass you by because you do not look like they will be able to bully or trick you into what ever it is they want. They want an easy mark.

Yes, I've often thought of that irony. Some of the goths seem ok I guess (this is on a forum, I don't trust them enough yet to even bring my vulnerable aspie-ness into their presence!) but there can be some snaky behaviour and there's a bit of a creep culture happening on there sometimes.



Yes, I have practiced this until it's nearly automatic!



Odd you should mention this, one time I was walking through a park talking on my phone, and had some interestingly mentally configured person screaming at me not to do it and that the phone would give me cancer! WTF? Good idea to demonstrate that you have the means to call for assistance though.

But even if you avoid the obviously dangerous situations, there's still so much low level creepiness. Going to do your shop, on the street, coming back from the doctor. It seems like most men feel they have a perfect right to check out/comment on/walk up to any woman and have a go, where it's less common for women to feel entitled to do that.



I do, I try to make it so I'm neat and clean enough to be classed as frumpy, and not flashy enough to be commented on. Jeans, but never tracksuits. My hair is brushed, I am modestly dressed and clean, I stand up straight and look past people - I think it's merely that I'm female with a pulse. Being and looking young doesn't help, but women get it at all ages.

To make things more enjoyable, an uber-creep that has targeted my flatmate and has repeatedly been knocked back and avoided by her is still hanging around the block and coming near the flat. He's not allowed on the property, but does that stop him? It's being dealt with.


Don't worry, I'll figure a formula out one day. Then I'll publish it on here

I think that is with any community unfortunately, but the creep culture part stems from a lot of them being social outcasts when they were younger, and then never bothering to learn how to properly interact with people later on.





Yes, I have had some times where it did not work perfectly. Such as one time I was on a bus trying to mind my own business, but unfortunately subject to some loser bragging about how he never paid his child support to the girl behind me. Then he had the nerve to ask me out, and then ask to borrow my phone (which he then called later so obviously he used it solely to get my phone number).



There have actually been studies done that seem to suggest that males tend to try and "date up", while females almost always date within their intellectual/attractive level or lower. My husband explains it as, "No matter how ugly or how fat a man is they will believe they are the hottest guy on the planet and no one can tell them any different. It is how we are wired."

Excellent advice. Really. I'm going out right now.

I am definitely not into my appearance, but if a little effort could make me feel safer, maybe I could try to dress a little nicer.

The problem with guys like that is they feel that if you do not care about yourself then you will not tell on them if they harass you. It wont help with all of the jerks, but it should cut the number of incidents down some.

I get what you're saying. They're mistaking me needing to be comfortable for me not caring about myself, but I get what you're saying. Thanks for the advice. That makes sense.

If only I knew these things. Now dating nightmares from high school are coming back to me.

I've had three guys already offer me a ride when I would walk on the sidewalk.

That's totally unacceptable. Grabbing or unwanted touching is crossing the line and you have every right to report him if he persists.

The whole thing of male attention, especially from strangers, is such a fine line sometimes, because most of the time they don't grab. Most of them are decent guys and aren't trying to be creepy, they're just trying to meet us. But maybe their interpersonal skills aren't the greatest (this sounds familiar!). This forum is chock full of posts from guys wanting to make contact with women but having trouble knowing how to go about it.

The hard part is deciding who's really a creep and who's really a nice guy underneath, but just socially awkward.

I totally agree with what's already been said about your manner and bearing, including facial expressions. You can inadvertently give off signals that you're approachable, but even if your signals are saying "I don't want you to approach me", it can be easy for some men to misunderstand them. Again, just read the posts in this forum to see tons of examples.

If they don't seem to understand your signals, I think it's important to have a few stock phrases you can use to indicate that you don't want the attention ... "I'm very busy right now, I can't talk" ... "I'm meeting my boyfriend/husband in a minute". Smile slightly to indicate that you're not hostile, but don't be too friendly, obviously. Don't engage him in conversation.

I find that I get more of the unwanted creepy approaches when I'm not feeling good about myself. Evidently that makes me seem more vulnerable. So I've learned to put on my "strong" face and act like I'm a person you don't mess with, even if it's far, far from the truth.

I also think it has a lot to do with your physical location and environment. It's way different on a busy city street compared to a nearly-empty grocery store late at night.

I'm sorry; that's not fun. Someone said something about seeming vulnerable, and I know that I project that with ultimately the same effect.

I have had the problem of attracting creeps for years. Part of this is the factor of projecting the "prey" vibe because we are generally trusting and nice to people. I used to literally have to keep someone with me at all times out in public or I had some creepy guy telling me his life story, trying to hit on me, or attempting to molest me in some fashion.

I still have it happen on occasion, but I've learned a few tricks that stop it now. I usually wear mostly black, I tend towards looking more "butch" instead of femme if I'm out by myself, wearing pants instead of skirts, boots instead of girly shoes, and I always carry a visible knife on me. I've never had to pull it out to use it, but when you have a knife visible on your belt or pocket, and carry yourself in a very "f**k off" kind of way people will generally leave you alone.

How I've learned to do this is generally finding a character on TV/movies/books that I like and emulating her. The badass female cop who takes down bad guys with one phrase or even a look. I get the image of her in my head and carry it around as "me" when I'm out by myself. When I do this I have no problem with anyone bothering me...I just have to remember to take off the persona when I get home so I don't upset my fiancee (who is also an aspie).

A lot of aspies bring out predatorial qualities in others. That's just the way it is. I say "TASER".

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 21 Aug 2009, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know about avoiding slogan t's, imo if a creep wants an excuse to put his hands on you he'll find one no matter what you wear. The only garments that could possibly second guess that are burqas or nun's habits

Nope women get men puttting their hands on them no matter what they are wearing or not wearing. Once I did tell a drunk jerk I was a nun to get him away from me . I told him I was wearing a slinky dress because I was on "vaction"it took a while but he bought it after about 20 mins when i resorted to fake tears. I know I should have found some other way to handle it but he wouldn't stop touching me and I was 18 at the time and weighted all of 80 lbs so noway I could have gotten a big buff 200 lb + marine off me had he gotten out of hand. Now I've got mace and a personal alarm. I'm thinking about a taser as well.

This might sound like the craziest advice, but you might want to get pointers from lesbians. I've known just a few and there wasn't a single one who couldn't tell a guy to back off. My best friend's sister is a lesbian and in the first few minutes of talking to her, she told me all kinds of ways to maim/injure/kill men. I'm not saying you have to be completely unapproachable, but if you had the persona this woman has, you'd never have another guy step out of line, or you'd get the really bold ones. I never asked her if she had a problem with creeps.

Yesh. Short and to the point and doesn't scream, 'victim'!

Now if only I wouldn't get arrested for using one on vicious customers, coworkers, and bosses, I might be able to handle vapid employment again.