Married men or "taken" men and the women who will

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I keep hearing and also seeing so many women who have dated married men, have dated or flirted with a married man or a man that already has a relationship and I cannot understand it at all. It seems that my cousin, who is also an aspie (undiagnosed) is the only one who thinks just like me...every other girl I've met has some other view...and I'm wondering if it's an ASPIE thing that we are so "black and white" that we just don't go there, no matter what feelings we have, etc...

TAKEN-in a relationship...has a girlfriend, lives with a girlfriend, etc...

Define taken. Married is a 'no no,' but taken - subjective.

In love I tend to be slightly on the possessive side, so to associate with anyone still preoccupied by an additional relationship would be a terrible idea for me. I once knew a girl who told me that her number one fantasy was sleeping with married men. Just the mere thought of it drove her wild. Well, I simply could not be any more polar opposite of that. I am just too painstakingly virtuous for such rendezvous. I settle for nothing short of all me and all he, no sketchy third party involved.

I had sex with a dude in a long term relationship once. Only found out about the GF AFTER the deed was done, and I felt so damned guilty I just wanted to tell her everything. But knowingly, no I have never been with a dating or married man.

I was in a situation where the guy who I worked for...who was taken...became infatuated with me...but I thought we were just friends. I hung out all the time with he and his partner..they encouraged me to do so..He became obsessed with the same thing I was obsessed with (sock creatures at time)...she encouraged stuff like, why don't you two go to the movies...why don't you come with us on our cross country trip...(while on trip)..You two go to the casino..I will stay at the hotel...and then apparently he told his partner he was infatuated with me without telling me....and there was all this crazy drama, that I guess I was in denial that I was a part of it...and when I tried to stay away from them, I would be encouraged somehow to come back.....They were having bloody fall-out knock-down fist fights when I wasn't around...not just about me, but I was a catalyst....it was really dysfunctional..they had even been poly during the first part of their relationship..and I guess Flakey was attempting to "add" me or something...and i was totally not into that sort of thing at the time..nor would I be for years to come...
Technically nothing happened between us until after they had "broken up", but it was not very long after....and things remained terribly dramatic and rocky for a long time...but now we have been together for almost 7 years...poly for almost a year and a half.

I felt like an evil homewrecker for a long time, but they both went down paths that were more suitable (and less bloody i think) for them in the long run..and eventually became friends again and such...

I wouldn't normally even consider a relationship with anyone attached and married is a definite no-no for me. I am however unofficially seeing a guy who technically has a girlfriend. They were going to move in together into a house they had bought and done up but their relationship was going wrong at around the time he and I met. She is very controlling and manipulative - won't let him go out without her, even though they don't live together, even to see his mates. He felt trapped. That's where I came in. They aren't seeing each other any longer even though she is technically his girlfriend because she refuses to officially end the relationship. It's a really weird situation. I hope it gets sorted soon because I really want an official relationship with him. He and I have a scary ammount in common. He's very geeky like me (I guess it may seen odd to NTs that I go 'squee' inside at the fact that he logs his entire dvd collection alphabetically on an excel spreadsheet) and although he's more NT than me I do see a few aspie-like traits in him which only makes me more comfortable being around him. I guess I have felt vaguely justified in seeing him because his girlfriend was constantly nasty and bullying towards him when she was still seeing him. I put yes that I'd do it again in the survey, though I wouldn't in most situations, just one like this.

I'm married so I don't date anyone. But however, if I were divorced and I met another guy and he was separated or going through a divorce, I'd date him. That's the gray area there when I'd do it. But overall, no except for that gray area.


I'm not sure which poll option to pick. "No, never have, never will. That is just wrong" or "No, never have, but I can see where it could happen."

If a guy is married I find that a real turn-off. I'll even stop crushing on celebrities when I find out they are married. Marriage = baggage. I don't want any drama or baggage. Maybe for just a short fling.

having been in a marriage where I was the wife of a husband that had an affair, I swore to myself I would never do that to another person. Never under any circumstances. I would not want that sort of karma on my head for anything.

(shudder)

Not if I know they are married. Hell no! What's to stop that looser from doing it over again if I actualy win? Nothing. Besides, I would be something I hate if I tried that. If they were just dateing someone, I still wouldn't bother.

One time when I was 17 I had one night thing with a guy that had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend at the time. I felt like pooh about it and would never ever do anything remotely like that ever again. I didn't even sleep with the guy but it's still something I feel is shameful.

I put none of the above. I would have put 'No, and I would never do it' except I did do it extremely unwittingly when I was young with someone I had a relationship with. He told me that it was over and he was leaving her, although if I wasn't so naive and hadn't been at that time (age 19) then I ought to have known right away it wasn't true. They were still living together before he came after some time to live with me. Like, anyone would just dismiss what he was saying as bull - not me; at the time he had an 'explanation' for everything and I was so used to taking people literally I just went along with it. It was a terrible relationship, by the way.


I'm very aware of these issues, or, as aware as I need to be. I don't enjoy feeling guilty and wouldn't even consider the kind of trouble that such a situation would normally bring.
Any man that thinks it's OK is not one I could ever, ever see myself interested in

Interesting responses.

I've found that *only* attached men have any interest me. It's been that way since i was a teenager. couldn't get a guy on my own for the life of me, but my friends boyfriends would fall all over me. guys, what is up with that?

one thing i do definitely know about guys (and this is a huge generalization) is that they are extremely loyal despite the flings. they *need* their wife/SO no matter how loveless or sexless the relationship is. something else that's difficult for me to understand.

anyway, i don't want to ever own someone else. i have enough problems just being responsible for my own self.

I absolutely would not if I knew the man was taken, but twice I've been misled by men who failed to mention that they were taken - one was a married man with three kids! Luckily I never slept with him, but the second I had a brief sexual relationship with before discovering he already had a partner

When I found out he said that it didn't change a thing and he hoped we could still be 'as flirty and filthy as ever'. He's still with her.

No I don't find the aspect of getting with a guy who's already in a relationship at all attractive.

However I was with a guy who was having a relationship behind my back. I didn't know it at the time and felt so low after that.