guys keep hitting on me/ unwanted attention.

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just-me
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08 Oct 2009, 1:37 am

I'm making progress. I decided to tell the guys who i "think" are hitting on me that i am not interested.

I will just straight up tell them. "look if your trying to hit on me ,or if you think you can ask me out ,I'm not interested and i have a boyfriend. Thanks but no thanks.

I did it when me and my friend/godmother Sara were at a bar. A guy wanted to know if i was ok. (i was standing outside because the smoke in the bar was bothering me. I'm a non smoker.) And i said "yes, I'm ok, the smoke was just bothering me. " he said do you drink?" I said "no thank you I'm taken "

He said "Oh i didn't mean to offend you, I'm gay." I said "you didn't offend me, i just get hit on by a lot of guys and i just don't like it"
He later told Sara he was sorry for offending me even though I told him i was not offended.

I did it! i was able to fend off a guy. he was not gay he just said he was, i could tell he wasn't. But i was able to stop him before he tried to hit on me. I succeeded and now feel i can fend off guys.

I may need to work on being a little less abrupt. but if i offend someone that really isn't my problem . I need to look out for myself. :wink:



Maggiedoll
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08 Oct 2009, 8:50 pm

just-me wrote:
He said "Oh i didn't mean to offend you, I'm gay." I said "you didn't offend me, i just get hit on by a lot of guys and i just don't like it"
He later told Sara he was sorry for offending me even though I told him i was not offended.

I did it! i was able to fend off a guy. he was not gay he just said he was, i could tell he wasn't. But i was able to stop him before he tried to hit on me. I succeeded and now feel i can fend off guys.

Woah.. a straight guy claimed to be gay in order to avoid embarrassment?! I guess the world is changing! :lmao:



just-me
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10 Oct 2009, 11:46 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
just-me wrote:
He said "Oh i didn't mean to offend you, I'm gay." I said "you didn't offend me, i just get hit on by a lot of guys and i just don't like it"
He later told Sara he was sorry for offending me even though I told him i was not offended.

I did it! i was able to fend off a guy. he was not gay he just said he was, i could tell he wasn't. But i was able to stop him before he tried to hit on me. I succeeded and now feel i can fend off guys.

Woah.. a straight guy claimed to be gay in order to avoid embarrassment?! I guess the world is changing! :lmao:


Oh yes and its happened many times! I used to believe guys when they said that but i realize they use it as a trick to get closer to women.

The world has changed indeed.



Maggiedoll
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11 Oct 2009, 8:43 am

^^I've never seen that done.. I can see why they might do that, but most guys are too afraid of being perceived as gay..

Do girls do the same thing? That would really make more sense, considering the fascination most guys have with lesbians..



EnglishInvader
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11 Oct 2009, 1:23 pm

At least you don't have these guys hitting on you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAoO7krxuLw



TheHaywire
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14 Oct 2009, 2:28 pm

I used to make myself look ugly to avoid all the harassment but that didn't always work. It's all in how you project yourself. You need to be a certain level of confident without acting arrogant. It's kind of hard to pull of but if you experiment with different levels of confidence you can see how the guys around you react.

Being nonchalant is also important. Confident and nonchalant. Maybe test acting this way in front of a close friend and see how you do.

Never show interest in the people hitting on you especially if it's a nervous interest. They are not to be acknowledged. Build a shield if you need to.



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14 Oct 2009, 5:53 pm

When I was in college and going out socialising, I covered up, around me there were always girls in skirts (the size of belts) and almost bra tops. I kept on getting unwanted male attention. They seemed to ignore the near naked girls. It didn't even stop them sometimes when I physicaly hit them, they just didn't leave me alone. I pretended I had a boyfriend, I got the response 'well he's not here' (this was after a blunt "I'm not interested" five times).

I had to stop this form of socialising because they wouldn't stop and I feared that one night one would follow me home and force me to do something.

It makes me sad, because I really love to dance and I enjoyed music and the mix of light and dark that happens in night clubs, also it took away my psudo-social outlet. I don't know if I could start going again (I was about 21/22 and I'm 26 now), I don't even know if I could be comfortable without my bf 'glued' to me.

I'm sorry if this post is hi-jacking this thread. I know that this issue is a bit different than that of the OP.



just-me
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15 Oct 2009, 3:56 am

LostAlien wrote:
When I was in college and going out socialising, I covered up, around me there were always girls in skirts (the size of belts) and almost bra tops. I kept on getting unwanted male attention. They seemed to ignore the near naked girls. It didn't even stop them sometimes when I physicaly hit them, they just didn't leave me alone. I pretended I had a boyfriend, I got the response 'well he's not here' (this was after a blunt "I'm not interested" five times).

I had to stop this form of socialising because they wouldn't stop and I feared that one night one would follow me home and force me to do something.

It makes me sad, because I really love to dance and I enjoyed music and the mix of light and dark that happens in night clubs, also it took away my psudo-social outlet. I don't know if I could start going again (I was about 21/22 and I'm 26 now), I don't even know if I could be comfortable without my bf 'glued' to me.

I'm sorry if this post is hi-jacking this thread. I know that this issue is a bit different than that of the OP.


I don't mind you posting that. it is relevant to the subject.

I know how you feel. Ive never been to a night club but i know how it feels to not be able to socialize because of men. And i also get unwanted attention when i cover up even though the other women are hardly clothed at all.



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15 Oct 2009, 10:53 am

LostAlien wrote:
When I was in college and going out socialising, I covered up, around me there were always girls in skirts (the size of belts) and almost bra tops. I kept on getting unwanted male attention. They seemed to ignore the near naked girls. It didn't even stop them sometimes when I physicaly hit them, they just didn't leave me alone. I pretended I had a boyfriend, I got the response 'well he's not here' (this was after a blunt "I'm not interested" five times).

I had to stop this form of socialising because they wouldn't stop and I feared that one night one would follow me home and force me to do something.

It makes me sad, because I really love to dance and I enjoyed music and the mix of light and dark that happens in night clubs, also it took away my psudo-social outlet. I don't know if I could start going again (I was about 21/22 and I'm 26 now), I don't even know if I could be comfortable without my bf 'glued' to me.

I'm sorry if this post is hi-jacking this thread. I know that this issue is a bit different than that of the OP.

I dealt with this by always taking a male friend with me when I went out most of the time a gay male friend so there was no mix-ups about weather or not it was a date. A she's with me from a deep voice coming out of a tall buff looking guy works wonders.



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23 Oct 2009, 9:40 pm

Hiss and snarl at them like a wildcat until they walk away confused. That should work.



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23 Oct 2009, 10:02 pm

Good on you. Sadly for some, you can't look nice and not get hit on. You must be one of these people.

Glad you didn't try to make yourself look fatter or worse to avoid this problem. Keep up the good work.



mechanicalgirl39
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04 Nov 2009, 11:35 am

I have that problem too. I hate it, even if you say NO or GO AWAY they just act like you were joking and didn't really mean it.

Certain things deter it though:

Looking androgynous. I wear loose clothes a lot and loose coats that make me look big and heavyset. This does get less attention.
Wearing clothes that people associate with aggression or anger. Goth or emo make up works, so does all black and materials like leather and rough denim. I notice that people leave me alone when I wear those, whereas if I try and look more normal, people think they can pick on me.
Just be openly aggressive. Use bad language. Lower your head, bare your teeth like an animal and snarl. I do.

Quote:
When I was in college and going out socialising, I covered up, around me there were always girls in skirts (the size of belts) and almost bra tops. I kept on getting unwanted male attention. They seemed to ignore the near naked girls. It didn't even stop them sometimes when I physicaly hit them, they just didn't leave me alone.


Exactly the same here. It was like, if I covered up, it must mean that secretly I wanted them. Not even slapping them got them to go away.


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09 Dec 2009, 1:42 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
just-me wrote:
When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out.
When i dress nice this problem grows to a massive problem. I have a boy friend and honestly i don't know how to get some of these men to leave me alone!
I mention i have a boyfriend but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it.



My boyfriend says i get this attention cause I'm pretty and kind. I don't think I'm above average in looks and i just don't know why i get all this attention.
I think I'm missing some kind of social rule that prevents men from having an opportunity to hit on women.

How to i fix this?! any advice?


most women just get fat.
that usually stops it.

(sorry I can't be more positive about it)

That is actually something I tried to do to stop getting hit on. It didn't work since my body type dosen't gain weight easily.



Loli-kun
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14 Dec 2009, 10:59 am

I'm not sure what advice I can give being a guy and all but I can say you can almost guarentee that none of those guys are Aspies! If I tried something like that I'd probably faint LOL! But I will agree with several of the previous posts saying to walk away and/or be forceful when you tell them your happily taken. If that doesn't work a kick to the sack always is good for getting a point across.



Robin_Hood
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02 Jan 2010, 9:04 am

I know how you feel to a certain degree..

It seems like every time I'm somewhere alone I get stared at, heckled from cars, from building sites, army barracks, on the train, standing at the station, at work. Just about anywhere I go... I really hate it!! Hell.. I'm no super model, probably a little above average in looks.

I'm happily married.. I do not dress for attention either. If I did my life would be hell!! !

I give off huge leave me the hell alone vibes and yet it still happens sometimes.



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02 Jan 2010, 9:13 am

It sounds a bit mean but this may work in keeping these guys at bay...

say some comment in return that attacks their ego...

They ask you what you are doing later, and if you want to go out with them,

Answer back that you wouldnt be caught seen with them, they need to loose 30 pounds, they are too frumpy for you, theyre not your type, etc... That will get them off of you.