what are girlfriends?

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When out with my girlfriends, I mostly chat about work, friends, kids, and the challenges of home-ownership (not that I have all that many female friends). I approach shopping as a challenge - either I'm up for the hunt (in which case I probably need a partner or two to help me chase down camouflaged bargains) or I'm not interested. In short, I chat with women about the same things that I chat with my men friends about. My (heterosexual) men friends give good advice about the clothes that like to see on women and my women friends aren't freaked out if I want to buy ammunition. We all enjoy bookstores and Home Depot. As I think about it, though, I'd bet that most of my friends, both men and women, fall somewhere to the right of NT on the spectrum.

Ditto--I HATE shopping for clothes, etc. I prefer bookstores and places like the KCET Store.



Good answer.



Not at all. You come off as honest.

I feel like the people I work with are "friends" to a certain extent, but I wonder how much we'll actually stay in touch if I change jobs?

I'm NT but I've always had similar girlfriend problems.
I'm girly in that I like to dress fashionably and I like to socialize, but I find most girl chatter (endless talk about shoes and purses - some talk is fun but too much just feels dumb, domestic tasks, kids) terribly vacant. I understand that this is their world though, so I try not to judge. That's just their thing.

My biggest interest is video games so I'm lucky to have found my closest girlfriends who are girl gamers.
We do not knit :p

I do get cautious of girls more often than guys though, because if they have ill intentions they're more likely to let it out through hidden, deceptive ways.

You just have to find the right person. I had the same trouble until very recently; I met a girl about a year ago who I now make a point to see at least once a week. I think what makes it challenging is that there are so *many* girls with "typical" interests (clothes, shoes, men, and the currently trendy knitting) that those girls can find someone who shares their interests just by turning around, and those of us who have atypical interests can still find plenty of people who have atypical interests... but how often do you find someone who has the *same* atypical interests that you do?

In fact, in the case of me and my girlfriend, we came together largely over a single common interest (ironically, crochet/knitting), but found that we click on a much deeper level, so it doesn't really matter too much if our interests don't overlap too much, as long as there's enough overlap that we don't bore each other all the time. For instance, she's way more into fashion than I am, but that's fine, because she doesn't talk about fashion *all* the time, and she tries to talk about it on my level when she does. (Can you tell she's NT???) The thing we most often talk about right now that's a shared interest is her baby. It's her interest for obvious reasons, and it's my interest because infant/child psychology is one of my interests, and parenting is another of my interests.

To prove the point that shared interests aren't everything, I once joined a knitting/crochet group. I was invited; they saw me crocheting in a coffee shop and asked me to join. I went for the better part of a year, but never really bonded with the girls. Sometimes I enjoyed going, other times it bored me to tears. It largely depended on who was there. But no matter who was there, I mostly didn't talk much. There just wasn't any single person there who I clicked with enough to care about contacting outside of the group. So, eventually, I just stopped going.

If you *want* to have some good girlfriends, the sad reality is that you have to get out there and meet a bunch of women. Most of them won't stick, but eventually you'll find one who will. I was trying to do this as well as my aspie introvert self could manage, but ironically it ended up being my NT extrovert husband who found my awesome, indispensable girlfriend; he met her at one of his bazillion events he goes to, and immediately thought that I would like her. He introduced us, and we hit it off right away. So.... maybe you don't need to do all the looking yourself, as long as there's someone social who you can talk into looking on your behalf.

I was interested in knitting when it was the daggiest thing on earth I've never seen the fascination in shopping for shoes though.

Getting together to knit - I wouldn't find that social or enjoyable. I find it hard enough to look passable having a group conversation, without trying to remember when I'm meant to knit, purl, increase or decrease while doing it.

I find I often have more in common with guys though - and they tend to be more upfront (usually) . That doesn't mean they are necessarilly easier to get along with,but you usually know if you aren't getting along with them, if that makes sense. Girls can be more manipulative and two faced - and judge you for something as shallow as your shoes or makeup, or yowhat they perceive as your social status, which I'll have no idea about at the time.

That said the good female friends I have are great - like diamonds - beautiful, precious, but you have to do a lot of digging to find them.

Yep, I haven't ever had a real group 'girlfriend;s'.

I've had some good female friends but in the end we were just inetersted in different things, and I couldn't keep with the casual socializing. Most women make no sense to me.

Some of my closest friends have been gay men. We seem to understand each other well, They are never any silly misunderstandings with them, they don't choose to get bent out of shape about trivial things and they are usually as understanding as a woman can be, IMO. I like them because they think like men (they are men) but also have some female qualities that I can relate to. I honestly feel like I am about as feminine as they are, I'm just not a true "woman". Gay men can somewhat androgynous and I am too, although I am feminine in my outward appearance.

I've had great friendships with straight men too but they have ended up becoming relationships twice, that didn't end well. I like gay men for this reason also, there is no risk of getting involved, no sexual tension.

Finding some Aspie female friends would be nice, I 'm starting to think that these may be the only women I'm ever REALLY going to relate to.