living by your own,-aspies females.(?)

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Hi, I just wanted to ask/wonder if you think it is possible for an aspie young women (late twentie's) to live (alone), in a flat/home. For example is she is a ex-uni graduated student already ( and she's used to be outside of parent's home, doing her own, all years previous.) But, knowing the special needs or characteristics of some aspìe women ( the way they cope wiht the real world outside, to take care of herself, social interaction and so on.), and they will not have their parents 'there' to watch her out, in case (cause she lives in another city now.) thought she will have the telephone instead. ( but she would has her grandparents (and some aunts, cousins) home city next, to hers, though still.) You think is posssible for an aspie young female cope with real life without parents support, out there? (it may be dangerous due to her lack of some social skills or understanding social cues, or bad/good intentions of others towards them?). Maybe she really wants to try (she really feels motivated, to go fo it. Cause she already has had her uni years living alone.) Just share the opinions you have, thnks

Yes, absolutely. A lot of the women on this forum have lived alone. Who told you it was impossible, your parents?

i don't think it's impossible at all, especially if she has already finished university away from home. i understand the fear of misreading people and not having someone there to help keep you safe. i am not diagnosed with AS but other issues BUT i have a hard time picking up on red flags to determine if someone has malicious intentions or not. it has caused me some problems, and led to situations where i was victimized and hurt BUT i would not give up my independance for protection. over the last few years i have learned to keep to myself and not really put myself out there much in social situations. i never invite people i just met home with me or go places alone with men i don't know. i have a small circle of friends and i depend on them to read people for me if i need to. as in, if i am thinking of adding someone new to my circle they have to meet the person first and afterwards i will invite that person to functions rather than for one on one interactions until i am fairly sure they are safe. i used to be trusting of everyone and always try to help out people in need but i have learned that a lot of preditory people pose as people in need so i gave that up. anyways, if you feel you can care for yourself properly and provide yourself with what you need, relie on yourself to do the things you need to do and stay on time and budget then yeah, no reason to be trapped at home with the parents even if they still want you to stay.

Yes, it's possible. But I guess it depends how you're affected.

I'm 41 and I've lived independently for years. I lived in children's homes as a teenager, so I haven't lived with my parents since I was 13, so yes, it's very definitely possible. I've lived by myself, I've lived with a couple of boyfriends, I've lived in student halls, and I've lived in shared houses. I'm currently living by myself.

The worst thing about living independently, from my perspective, is that I suffer quite badly from executive dysfunction when it comes to managing my finances and bills and expenses, I'm quite useless, domestically, in that respect. (It's weird, because in previous jobs, I've processed expense claims, sent out invoices, chased invoices, processed and paid invoices, but while I can do that in a work environment, if the systems are all set up, I'm seemingly unable to do that for myself.)

If you're not sure about leaving your family home and living by yourself, how about living in a shared house with other people? Did you live in student halls throughout your studies, or did you live in any shared houses? Lots of young graduates start out living in house shares in their twenties instead of buying or renting a place of their own, not just because renting a room is usually cheaper than renting a studio or one bedroom flat. In fact, for many of my friends who moved to new cities for jobs after graduation, they made a point of renting a room in a shared house instead of renting a place of their own, even if they could afford to, because they wanted to meet new people and make new friends.

There are potential problems, though, if you're not particularly sociable if you end up living in a kind of 'party house' where people are socialising and going out a lot. But some houses might have postgraduate students or people who take their work more seriously and who want a quiet life at home.

Adverts will often give clues about what kind of house-share it is, for example they might say something like they 'work hard and play hard' and that probably means they go out a lot or have friends round, and they don't care whether they're working the next day or not, whereas if they say things in an advert like they tend to curl up on the sofa and watch telly on a school night (i.e. if they have work the next day), but they like to go out socialising at the weekend, then if you're not very extrovert that might appeal more.

It's possible that you might move into a house share and find a mismatch between personalities, in which case, you might end up moving house, if you don't get on with some of your house-mates, or if your lifestyles are incompatible (maybe they like to party and you don't so much, or vice versa), or if they have irritating habits.

And that brings me to another issue that might be a problem, as well as there being a mismatch between your personalities and lifestyles in terms of sociability, and that's lifestyles in terms of tidiness and cleanliness. If you're an Aspie with OCD tendencies, then you might struggle to cope and you might get into arguments (or you might just be quietly upset and angry) if the people you're sharing with are untidy and leave dirty pots in the kitchen and clutter everywhere, so that's something to bear in mind as well, if you're looking for a room in a house-share, or then again you might be someone who has other Aspie obsessions and doesn't notice if the dirty laundry and pots pile up?

Another alternative, if you have major problems with looking after yourself, is supported housing. Tbh, I don't know very much about that, but I think some other people on Wrong Planet lived in supported housing, so maybe if you start a thread asking 'What's it like living in supported housing?' or something like that, then maybe other people can tell you more. I don't know what the criteria is or how long you'd have to wait for a place though, but depending on how badly you're affected by AS, it might be an option for you.

Yup.

I've been living on my own for five years.

i've been living on my own for a year. I've managed to do lots of things some asumed i could never do on my own, like cook, do the laundry, pay my rent every month etc. You probably have more potential than you think.

I lived alone since I was in my late twenties and I no longer talk to my family...what's the big deal?

I lived on my own for over 8 years and doing okay with it. That's not to say I didn't have any problems along the way but I don't think being an aspie is related to those problems. At least not entirely.

I'm single, live with my teenage son. I could happily live alone, when he's grown and flown the coop. In fact, now that I'm widowed, I don't expect ever to live other than single. It's certainly doable.

I've lived alone for years, though have only been 100% financially independent for about a year. Before that, it was only monetary support I was in need of (I was a student). I can't say I've never faced AS-related difficulties, but I'm doing alright for myself. Quite well, in fact, now that I'm fully independent--less stressful this way.

I think it would be a healthy thing to do.

I've lived alone for the last two or so years, had two housemates in that period and both I wanted to kill after a month. I can't stand living with strangers.

So now I'm living alone and finding it hard to save any money because rent is so high but in the end, I get my own space to do as I please.

I am moving in with my partner early next year but I know him well so it shouldn't be a problem.

I vote for living alone, I think everyone needs to do it atleast once. It's good for your soul. Depending on course if you can afford it!

I've lived alone for years and plan to keep things this way permanently. In addition to being an Aspie and a single female, I am blind. If all you're missing are a few social cues, it shouldn't prevent you from keeping your own place, especially if you were successful in college.

I don't wanna live alone. The thought of it really really scares me. I worry what might happen if I have a heart attack, or start choking or fall, or just generally need to tell someone something.

I lived with my parents till I was 26. Now I live w/one roommate. I like this situation best because my roommate is introverted and likes to keep to herself a lot too. But she is always there to talk to if need be.

I think it just depends on the individual and how independent they are. I couldn't live alone because I can't do anything for myself, unfortunately, too scared to go to the shop, doctors, to find a job, anything involving other people. When I lived alone I ended up really skinny and unhealthy, and I hardly ever left the house, I'm definitely one of those people that needs someone around.

It certainly is possible. And yes, there are a few risks.

I think try it, just make sure you can go home if it doesn't suit. Apply for social workers or mentors (there are organisations for this) to help you with keeping track of practical things/run social questions past if you're not sure of them.

I am also bad at spotting red flags, but I've found that if you spend time with a man even if you tell him it's as friends, he may still try to push you into dating him. The best things I've found to do are meet any new people out for coffee instead of letting them into your house, and if a male makes you feel uncomfortable you say NO (to whatever it is) and tell your support people. Don't tell new women your personal business right away - they may spread your secrets or tease you - but when you know them better you can trust them more and ask for help if you need.

Also be careful of living on takeaway meals and drinking alcohol because they're expensive and use up all your money.
Put your keys on a lanyard carry loop, and don't lose them
Lock your room when you're not in it because flatmates might take your money/things, and make sure any flatmates pay their share of the rent right away (don't pay it for them). Oh yeah. And draw up a roster so they do their share of the housework.