Is There Anyone Who DOESN'T Want To Have Kids?

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Raising them really isn't that hard. I think people who say that being a mother is the hardest job are full of it. It really isn't. I don't think it's a full-time job. I don't like it when people say, "Four kids? You must have your hands full!" No, really, I don't. That annual report that comes out which itemizes what mothers do and then claims we'd earn $350,000 / year or whatever? I hate those. I really hate those. They're such BS stories. But we're not weak, either. As you said yourself, society may degrade mothers, but that doesn't mean being a mother is degrading.

Likewise childfree people should not be pressured into having children. There's no requirement in our society for people to have children for this society to survive. Not everyone needs sons to plow the fields or daughters to marry off for stronger political relations with other families. Babies are sweet and grandchildren are probably lovely to have, but it's such bad taste to pester and bother people who don't want or know they couldn't handle children.

An older lady at church gave my husband a stern lecture about how important it is for the mother of the children to not have to work, especially in a big family. She came from a big family and had a big family and it's important! She said we have good kids so to keep them good kids, I had to be there. My husband's a southern gentleman so he took it politely and calmly replied that his wife will do as she pleases and he knows we'll provide for our kids as best we can. I know she was trying to help but I can't believe how people stick their noses in to such things.

I don't know

I like playing with my friends kids, I like the idea of having kids with ym partner.

He keeps talking about these kids we're having someday.

But I think about my life, and can't bring myself to think about inflicting it on another person, especially not my non-existent child.

Look at the world today, do you really want youur child to grow up in it?

I am here and I will make the most of this life, but I fear death and the death of loved ones, i wont inflict that on another if I can.

I am so depressed about the whole thing that I have been thinking about seeing someone about it.

I decided a LONG time ago that I didn't want kids. I wouldn't be a great mother because I just wouldn't know what to do with the kid, how to teach the kid and how to care for the kid. I can only just care for myself and a couple of rabbits let alone a kid! I too constantly get the 'you'll change your mind later' stuff but no, I really won't. If I have a kid it would be purely by accident and heaven forbid I should ever put myself in a situation which could cause that because I don't believe in abortion (unless it's for medical reasons like life threatening pre-eclampsia). My absolute main concern about having a kid is that I might pass my Tourettes on to them. I hate my life with TS because it is limited, embarrassing and painful. I would be so upset if I gave that life to another person through my own selfish desire for a kid... which I don't have so I suppose I don't have to worry about that. If I ever did decide to have a kid, I would definitely adopt because there are already hundreds of kids who have conditions like mine who need someone to care for them, however I would have to be 100% confident that I could provide good care for that kid.

I would also like to point out that I respect people who want to have children and I am in fact quite excited right now because my step-sister is pregnant with a little boy

having children ain't gonna happen for me. just 'cos i'm a female doesn't mean i must have kids. besides, a lot men don't give a s**t about their own kids because they only care about themselves (cheating & divorce is huge these days). i also don't want kids because they might become severely autistic than myself. and the idea of me being a mom is cringeworthy!

Are you serious? You think having children is degrading? Giving life is a beautiful thing you should have more respect for. It's okay if you don't want to have kids yourself, but having children is not degrading. And okay, maybe you can't achieve as much in your career if you have kids, BUT SO WHAT? Having a career is overrated anyway. Even if you don't become a big shot, you can still achieve a lot in life. Raising healthy, happy children is an achievement itself. Also, it's not true that you can't be succesful if you have kids. Just look that Patti Smith, she had two kids and she did all that "degrading" mummy stuff, she changed diapers and was a stay-at-home mum for a while, and she just won the Polar prize! She's also a succesful writer and all that.
Personally, I would love to have kids. Actually, I even think I would like to be a stay-at-home mum, I don't care much for having a career and being regarded as succesful by others. But I don't know if I would be such a good mother and then there's the part of finding a father, and that's a whole other issue...

This might sound stupid, but I've always felt having children would be too much of a 'female' thing for me to do. I know I'm physically capable of doing it (I think), it just doesn't seem at all like an natural thing for me to do.

My boyfriend wants them some day because he thinks our genes should be passed on, so that there are more AS people in the world and he can feel a bit of Darwinian smugness at having fulfilled his biological imperative. I'm like, screw that, I already have a hard enough time looking after both him and myself.

I think I mainly can't be bothered to have children, I'm finding my life hard enough as it is.

On Livejournal, there was a childfree woman who had a baby as an "experiment". The agreement was that her husband would do all the caretaking. They named the baby girl something hideous. Then, on top of it, he left her because he refused to let her perform a do-it-yourself vasectomy on him. At least he took the baby/experiment with him. Oh, Livejournal.

I think I'm being a bit harsh on my bf. He does have some interest in nurturing kids, but only the 'fun' and educational bits. The nappies and stuff is going to be my job and I know some people like it, but I truly cannot be bothered. I don't think I'll find having kids as rewarding as its supposed to be because I find it very difficult to feel satisfied with anything I do.

EDIT: I keep talking about this kid like it's going to happen, and as long as I'm capable of making my own decisions, it isn't

You're speaking hypothetically, so I get it.

For what it's worth, changing diapers is never satisfying. However, despite my younger insistence to the contrary, changing diapers and all the mess was not a dealbreaker for me to have children. I won't ever list it as a high point, more of a necessary yuck. I think most people who choose not to have children have more thought out reasons than merely diapers and mess, and I think the most important reason was one of the first things you said in another comment, that it just isn't you.

EDIT: I misunderstood your reply, sorry. I agree with you the main reason for not having kids is because it's not me.

I missed your misunderstanding but I'm sure whatever you mistook was probably my fault. I knew when I wrote my previous comment that it was a bit convoluted on the last sentence and I should've taken the care to have written it to avoid any risk of misunderstanding. Let me rephrase just for the sake of clarity so it's done: Nobody likes changing diapers but I know that's never the reason why people choose not to have children. People who choose not to have children have very well thought out reasons for it, the most important reason being one that you listed: that it's not the right thing for you.

Why didn't I have those words fit together like that the first time?

Oh I don't mind the looking after the baby part.

I just don't want to see my baby grow up and be hurt by the outside world. The hard things that have happened to me and my loved ones in life...I don't want to put a child through what me and mine have gone through.

The "upbringing" of children is so depressing. Children are full so much energy and curiousity and creativity, and then it is the parents jobs to whip them into shape, literally and figuratively. Raising children involves too much terror and fighting and screaming and crying. Apparently some people are bored with life without that, but I'll pass. I don't care what's "normal". In my opinion you'd have to change the laws of biology and physics to make having kids worthwhile to me.

I agree with Auri. I actually think it would be selfish for me to have kids because I'm not sure I could give them the love and attention that they would deserve and I think some of my aspie tendancies might annoy or embarass them. That being said, part of my motives are selfish too. I lost my own mom when I was young and had to be somewhat of a caregiver to my younger brother. When I was in my 20s and early 30s I took care of my now deceased elderly grandmother and great aunt (who I miss terribly) so I haven't really had time until recently to live my own life. I also have a very demanding job and am fairly disorganized, so I sometimes feel I can barely take care of myself let alone be responsible for helpless little individuals who need so much nuturing and attention. It's really hard though where society expects every woman to have a "biological clock" and that it somehow detracts from your femininity or even your sexuality if you don't want kids. It seems to me that some people, especially NTs, just have kids because it is socially expected or to validate themselves or their relationships and not because they really love kids or want to be the best parents they can. I don't think it's acceptable to have a child unless you really want one for yourself and can afford to support him/her and are not just doing it because sociey expects it.

I usually avoid telling people that I don't want kids now unless I'm put on the spot as I feel it's considered a negative especially these days where women are supposed to want to "have it all". I also feel a bit guilty because I know my father would like grandchildren (my NT brother and his wife don't want kids either) and it has stopped me getting involved with certain guys because I am so wary of pregnancy or their having children already.

To tell the truth, I'd much rather have a cat or a dog then a baby and if I did have some spare time and energy to devote to caring for someone, I would probably volunteer to help an elderly person.

My ideal long term relationship, as some of you ladies seem to agree, is with a husband/boyfriend who does not have or want children and feels "complete" and satisfied enough in the relationship in itself.

I second that!

Gross.