Female aspies who were loathed as teenagers?

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Childhood was horrible. Shudderingly, horrible. My parents have had to been the worse parents in the world for an Aspie with all the abuse/changes I had to go through so school as terrible as it was - was actually better than my home life. I finally got myself kicked out of school in the 10th grade and after homeschooling went to a very accepting out of district school where they helped fake my credits and get me into my choice Universities. Thank goodness. Then I met my fellow Aspie brothers in engineering and was happy there in college. I was always in the Gifted program and "too smart for my own good". Looking back I think the GATE program was a ruse for the "Aspies of the 80s".

University has actually been the worst for me so far. I look a bit different nowadays: I'm a slender/curvaceous blonde, do some modelling, wear pencil skirts, high heels, corsets and feminine classy clothing. I spent a semester in China as an exchange student last autumn: I can't recall ever having had as much attention from men and ever been hated as much as I was by the other international female students during those months. After a lot of badmouthing behind my back, I was later attacked by this clique of girls and shut into a small room with them for two hours against my will, having them aggressively shouting at me and calling me by names from all directions. I got into a complete meltdown and they only got more excited about that. They would continue by bullying me about my background as a rape victim and tell me how I made that happen by myself cause I am "ret*d" and deserved every moment of it. As if that wasn't enough, the next day they went to tell my best local friend that I had told these girls that he had raped me and suspected him for some criminal activities. Later they would go to all the other international students and spread similar vicious stories about me. My friend stood by my side, eventually these girls got so aggressive that we had to go to the police.

University was the best for me initally until I developed alcoholism and came back to it on and off over the years(I am 3 years sober now and at college instead). But what it sounds like is a b***h group of jelous tarts/Skanks that were jelous of something that you had. Sure you stood out(being an aspie) but they being a b***h clique of pretty girls may not have been able to accept that somebody as pretty as themselves who could be so different. What they did was evil to remind you of your rape past and say it was your fault which I hope you have gotten help for. Good for you for reporting these b*****s into the police I hope you pressed chargers.

By "fitting in more easily" I think it's supposed to imply that we're better at mimicking normal behavior and learning social cues/body language/etc. I definitely feel that was true for me; because nothing came naturally, and as a girl, I was so pressured to be feminine (all that "women are the emotional sex" crap) I learned to interpret by necessity.

That doesn't mean I actually fit in, socially! God, I was bullied pretty relentlessly my entire public school career up until high school, when the school structure was such that I could physically escape from people who didn't like me. Also, the fact that I dated a guy pretty high on the social ladder my senior year helped a lot. One guy who used to absolutely torture me tried to make nice because he was trying to suck up to my then-boyfriend...

AMEN- I think the social world of teenage girls is a lot meaner than teenager boys.

I was constantly ridiculed at and gossiped about by other girls while it seemed that the "quirky guys" were more tolerated by other males.
I also think the teenage cliques can turn a perfectly, nice and compassionate, sweet NT teen girl into a "mean girl" just because she doesn't want to risk ostrasization herself to befriend the "underdog"

Has anyone here read "Please Stop Laughing at Me" By Jodee Blanco?" It's about a girl who endured extreme abuse by her peers during her teen years. I have started a thread on this book at http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt159900.html

When I was a teenager, my siblings and classmates hated me.

My siblings were very jealous of me. They thought I was faking/exaggerating my mental illnesses just to get mom and dad to pay more attention to me. That couldn't have been further from the truth. When I learned how my siblings really thought/felt about me, I was furious and heartbroken at the same time. I still haven't gotten over it completely.

My classmates hated me because I was extremely socially awkward, wore strange clothing and had bad haircuts. But the biggest reason they hated me was because I was in love with my then best friend, who was also a girl.

She didn't like me as a friend anymore and was disgusted that I liked her "in that way", so she got all of her little sidekicks to gang up on me. Together they wrote me a letter that involved a lot of accusations and name-calling, such as "revolting lesbian slime" and the phrase "you're going to Hell and I'm not going down with you". That wasn't the last thing they did to me either, but I don't feel like getting into it (it was hard enough just typing up that last bit).

Anyway, I was in hysterics and tried talking to the school and my psychologist about it, but none of them did anything about it. I had to let the emotional wounds heal by themselves, and it has taken 6 years for me to make peace about it inside my own mind. I even had recurring dreams about my former best friend up until just a couple of months ago. But due to what my former best friend did to me, I have had a lot of difficulty trusting people.

Bottom line: teenage girls can be absolute monsters and I am very happy that that chapter in my life is over. Adult women are much easier to get along with, especially if they are also socially awkward.

I consider myself lucky in a twisted sort of way. My tormentors were mostly boys, so physical pain, the terror of the chase, that was mine and I could probably take that more than what girls dished on one another. After a while a punch doesn't really hurt any more, not the way it does at first - you just go numb to it all. Although my temper has suffered for it, I used to be even tempered, now I can go from cold to hot in a second.

Oh, I'm sure the girls excluded me and said things behind my back - or to my face come to think of it, but it's hard to exclude someone who has zero interest in you, isn't trying to be a part of your group at all and will outright dismiss you to your face. Being so isolated that you won't even hear the rumors people may be spreading about you can be something of a blessing. I wrote the entire gender of female off so early on. I stopped trying to be friends with them, their interests were stupid shallow and (having actually watched paint dry) more boring than watching paint dry. So they mostly ignored me because they thought I was weird, I ignored them because they were boring, unintelligent and unbelievably shallow, petty and narcissistic.

If I were in school now they'd probably have suspended me permanently, charged me with making violent threats and put me on heavy drugs and therapy for those times I casually mentioned that the world would be a better place if we could just chain up all the exits of my high school and set the place on fire with the students inside. But at the time I was there people in the world weren't killing their fellow students nearly as much and most of the teachers tended to like me as I was quiet and did mostly OK academically so I could get away with some things the savages couldn't in front of teachers. Even today I don't think it would be a great loss if they had all died in a fire, well, OK, losing the building would have been bad - I don't approve of wasting perfectly good buildings. Or perfectly good human beings, but there were none of those present so not a factor.

I had bullies and I still do but only they operate on more sophisticated levels than in my teen days. There was the teasing, snarky remarks, and the most hurtful personal attacks like "What an ugly b***h" as a girl would pass by me in the hallway. It was not as common when I got older but it still hurt, this feeling of not being accepted or even "normal" in one sense or another. Even the so-called "freaks" were hard to get along with. I was either a freak to the conservative bunch or a prude or nerd with the "freaky" bunch. I felt like I couldn't fit in anywhere. When I got out of school I was still miserable. People say it goes away but to this day I still think about my bullies and the constant struggles I had to face every day in highschool. I found one of my bullies on FB and saw how well she was doing. I was so mad after all the years she put me through. I wanted to personally send her a message if she remembered how she treated me in HS but thought better of it. I'm still moving but I still even have nightmares about it.

I hated my teen years. I had no clue who I was except I was chubby and had thick frizzy hair then. Even high school pissed me off! However, that's where I met my best friend there (and we still keep in touch). But she graduated a year later and I haven't had other friends since. I was loathed by my classmates and teachers throughout all four years. F--k the teenage years!

Lots of bullying at high school unfortunately and grade school too. I always knew it was because I was different but I couldn't figure out why. I thought it was because I was new to the neighborhood or from a differnt background but then couldn't understand why other new kids fit in so easily and I didn't . I was in high school in the late eighties and I guess Aspergers wasn't a common diagnosis especially in women. I am pretty high functioning too and I think some of my earlier more obvious behaviors had subsided by then just leaving enough social awkwardness and oddity to attract mockery and exclusiion except for a kind few. High School was probably worse although the bullying was mostly more psychological rather than physical because at that stage you're becoming more self aware and are craving friendships and popularity.

I think I would really have benefited from some early recognition and realizaton of the real underlying problem so I could have "fit in" more. Being a teenager is all about conformity. I've always been a pretty good mimic and that's helped me tremendously in my adult life to pass as NT most of the time and act like a "popular girl" in limited social settings.

Ironically when I was about 8 a teacher told me that my problem was tht I didn't try to understand the other kids and I should try to "take them apart as I would a clock" and understand them. Now I'm thinking - lady don't you think it's the other way round? You should have tried to understand ME and help ME to fit in!

The internet might make it easier for the younger generation of Aspie teenagers to learn about fitting in as well as professional intervention of course. Believe it or not, I often check out some of the youtube video "tutorials" by teenagers and young wome which basically seem to give girls tips on how to conform to society's expectations and they help in my daily roleplaying..


Totally agree with the contributors who would like to confront their bullies and explain about aspergers and autism. It's so ironic that these are the people who now probably hold themselves out to be pillars of society and at school considered themselves "popular" and "normal". It definitely had a lasting effect on my self esteem.

I agree too. I would love to tell them that they were bullying someone who not only would never do anything to harm them, but didn't understand them. I await the day where I see one of my former bullies working as a waiter or cashier in the bakery I wish to one day own. I know it sounds immature, but to me, that would be the ultimate satisfaction to know that the people who pinned my left arm behind my back so I would "write normally" or hit me in the face with a soccer ball simply because they thought I talked too much when that was my stress response are working under me at minimum wage in their forties.

Yeah, I was pretty routinely loathed except by a tolerant few girls. 99.9% of guys, and like 89% of girls, didn't like me for whatever reason. I'm not even really sure why.

I didn't fit in so much as I was invisible and mostly liked being that way. Sure it was lonely but no one bothered me that was ever aware of. Of course I'm bad at paying attention to my surroundings so they may have made fun of me back then but I wouldn't have known unless they were very blunt about it.

That was never true for me, I never fit in anywhere. Junior high school was pretty much the worst time of my life! I didn't fit in, I was a target for every bully pretty much. In high school I made some "friends" who happened to also be kind of odd and who were picked on by the same people I was. I was always on the outside of even that group. After graduation, they pretty much dumped me and disappeared. They still talk and hang out, just not with me. (It doesn't help that they were all older than me by 1-3 years.)

Hey, I'm blending in pretty well in college now. No one pays me any attention at all. And there are no bullies.

It's sad...but I'd almost rather be picked on by the class of people I was stuck around since kindergarten than be almost completely invisible in college. I'm not fitting in at all, I'm invisible in a crowd.

That part is awesome! Thanks for giving me a reason to grin! It's kinda depressing thinking about all of that teenage stuff!

Personally I'll be very glad to leave all of the teen years behind!! !! Why? Because that was me --->

I think that was all of us, not just you. I hung out with the theatre nerds, who were one step below the band but one above the computer nerds, in high school. I was also a choir girl, and one of the two oldest in my division at that, so I really wasn't considered cool. Pretty much the only way for me to have been cool was to be a cheerleader, and that wasn't happening, considering doing acrobatics without a mat to break a fall is not my idea of fun.

okay, i never said that 1st quote so i don't know where you got it from.
yes, i was a choir chick too. i also did the talent shows and occasional musicals. some liked me and hated me for it. i'd occasionally hung out with the fantasy-novel loving nerds only because they liked me. plus, i hated my senior prom. i went stag like the loser that i am only to see if it was worth the time of day.
and to think the teen years will be the best years of your life...GIMME A BREAK!