How do you avoid being sexually attractive?

Post Reply New Topic

This is true, unfortunately.

This is priceless. Great come back!

With you on entering puberty! When I was 14 I once had a 27 year old man come up to me on the street and ask if I'd like to go out with him. I told him I was 14. He said age didn't matter. I was barely past being a child. He thought it was ok not only to proposition a girl he didn't know, but push himself on a 14 year old after she'd said no.

Seriously, I feel like taking a s**t ton of anabolic steroids, but I'm already prone to vertigo..lol..

I am sorry. I've always felt glad not to be well-endowed cause I've seen this phenomenon in action and I can vicariously feel the utter disgust and debasement of being viewed and treated as a sex doll.

That said: how is your voice? Do you naturally speak in a flat, don't-give-me-any-shit way? If not, that might help. I've watched people's smiles disappear when I opened my mouth and started talking that way (the way I talk to male strangers without even thinking).

Also: even though I am not big-chested I was always ashamed of my no-longer-a-child's chest and wore baggy sweatshirts and hunched over, probably causing my pre-scoliosis to worsen, so I wouldn't recommend that, but I agree with the dressing butch options.

Also, a "lesbian" haircut like a mohawk dyed different colors might help, or something so outlandish but not necessarily lesbian like Rihanna did a while back with shaving a whole side of her head and letting the rest grow long might intimidate people and send the message that you are not someone to mess with.


EDIT: Whoopsy-daisy, I'm a bad reader. Never mind about the hair, I guess I'll just leave the picture of Rihanna cause her haircut is interesting.

Lastly, stare them down and grimace at them if they start looking at or otherwise acting toward you like you're a sex object.

Yep I have a low voice for a woman and I do tend to talk in a monotonal, don't-fuck-with-me way.

I might go for that haircut with one arc shaved and the rest long...

Even if you took steroids, some guy would find you hot. Like I said, there is nothing that one can do to influence the thinking of random males. Dressing butch turns some men on, because they see a challenge. I used to say that I would welcome old age and wrinkles so that they would finally leave me alone. Now I am over 50 and still it goes on, because I look at least 15 years younger than I am.

Of course, I know that if I were 140 kilograms of muscle and veins and tendons, some guy would find me attractive. But those would be the fringe guys and I wouldn't have to worry about most guys in my everyday life finding me attractive. There are guys who find vomiting attractive, or hirsutism, but they're rare and I've never met one and the laws of chance say I probably won't.

So basically you can't win...if you look pretty you're desirable and if you don't look pretty you're a challenge? Vlech...what kind of as*hole goes after someone butch because he thinks he can force her to be otherwise?? Not to say that being butch is automatically a sign that you want to be left alone...I already favor androgynous clothes such as loose combat pants simply because they're functional. But to look at such a person and see prey...that really pisses me off.

Yeah, it is pretty irritating! But I have found that over the years, it is a lot less exhausting to try to influence the whole other sex with my behavior. They are made that way. They think that women want to be chased just because they enjoy chasing. And why is it that it is rarely a guy that would be interesting, that is doing the chasing?

There not much you can do looks wise really. I find simply by being female and there you'll get approached sexually.

Developing strong boundaries is key. If someone comes up to you and it doing/saying something to make you feel uncomfortable, just make it plain.
Be cold, no talking/smiles, turn your body away, fold your arms, avoid eye contact etc. And if he ignores those clear signals then move away. If he gets really pushy, make a stink so people look over.

You don't have to be nasty or aggressive, but you do have to be a little rude. Not fun.. but I find you have to be very blunt about not being interested in him or guys won't accept that you mean it.


Also if you can find a good male friend that won't hit on you, hang out with him.

Works for me. Though, being very youthful-looking, dressed this way I sometimes attract the attention of pedophiles, I am sorry to say.
I am blessed with an androgynous face and my body's curves are easy to conceal, so wearing a binder vest and loose clothing over it does the trick. It makes me look neither decidedly female nor decidedly male, which creeps people out and drives them away. Which is the general idea.



Again, works for me. Genarally, using activebutodd's pointers, I manage to display the idea of not wanting to be approached well. It is only rarely that I am provoked enough to feel the need to intervene actively, and boy, that hurts.

I am not leaving my wedding ring behind though. It is the only thing in my appearance that indicates that I am actually of age (and beyond).

I don't avoid it. I wouldn't know how to, TBH. I don't really find myself attractive, so I don't know what to change to get people to leave me alone.

The best way I've found to be unattractive is to try too hard doing all the wrong things. Of course, this wouldn't work for girls, but anytime I'm relaxed and just being myself, people flock to me. GAAAAH! GO AWAY FREAKS! So I go out of my way to piss people off.

Of course, if it's the boobs that men are attracted to (as opposed to you) then here's a general rule. The more independent you are, the less men are going to continue to pursue you. The men that are more proactive and forward (i.e. men with "game") are going to take a little bit longer, but if someone is hitting on you, chances are they are looking for a sign of weakness that can be exploited. If you cut your hair and wear bad clothes, that gives off the vibe that you are afraid that someone might succeed, and that's half the battle right there.

I wouldn't say I wear 'bad' clothes. But I do prefer functional clothes a lot of the time. Do you think some guys interpret combat pants and a functional racerback top as 'afraid they might succeed'?

I'm mostly fairly asocial so don't get hit on THAT much, but I've had a few morons go after me as well as a few male friends who got a fit of sexual rabies and came on to me, neither of which I like. I don't like the idea that somewhere out there is someone bigger than me who may or may not be ok with the word 'no'.

You're considering behavioral modification as an option... but you haven't considered the most obvious behavioral modification:

"Sorry, I'm not interested." If that doesn't work, "Sorry, you're ugly." (Just kidding... sort of.)

Look them in the eye, say it without fear, project a sense of pride in your statement.

None of those other things work, from personal experience. You can expend the effort to make yourself unsavory to EVERYONE (including men, but also employers and family), but it will be superfluous. There is no behavioral modification on earth that can make you universally repulsive to men, as hard as you may try. You really do get attention just for being female. Most of the men who approach you probably think you think this attention is positive. Do not waste your time in deluding them. Let them on that you are not interested in their advances. This is for your own good. Luckily, many men also feel that you being in no way attracted to them can also be repulsive. They feel unable to know how to deal with you, and become discouraged.

Good luck from a pottymouth girl who loves disgusting jokes.

Guys who are not okay with the word 'no' are noxious creeps who aren't going to be stopped by anything but brute force. A good self-defense class is the best answer for this fear. All you can do is kick them where it will hurt most, hard enough to shift that part of their anatomy up into their empty skulls, preferably permanently.

Not every guy is a jerk. I have never approached a woman without some reason to think that she might be interested. Now, as sincerely as I believed in those reasons, I could have been mistaken. But whenever a woman has ignored me, told me to get lost, said she wasn't interested, whatever, I gave up. And I never tried again with that woman; I figured if she ever changed her mind, she could let me know.

Some guys believe in this theory that women like to play "hard-to-get". I'm sure it makes them annoying, but even these guys will go away if they finally get it through their thick skulls that you really mean it. (I've had guys tell me I should have tried harder with certain women, that they were really just pretending. Now, personally, I wasn't so sure - and even if that was true, I'm not sure I'd want to get tangled up with a woman who'd tell me 'no' when she meant 'keep trying'. But they advised me to stick with it until she said 'yes', not to ignore the fact she said 'no'. There is a subtle difference there. I'm sure such guys can get annoying, but they may not intend to be jerks. Be nasty, be rude, sure, I'm not saying you ought to be nice to them, but they don't deserve to land in an emergency room, either.

Now, on the other hand, I've been unfortunate enough to know a few guys who really thought it didn't matter what a woman thought. Their philosophy was that you just take what you want. Those guys were outright (word expunged to avoid violating TOS) - there is no way you could ever get through to them. Not that I hung around with a single one of those creeps by choice; mostly, they were the worst of the bullies at my high school. (Big surprise there...) I did observe them, and learn what I could, as a simple matter of survival. When you're dealing with anyone like that, you only have a few choices. One is so bad I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. The other is to figure out some way to either scare the crap out of them, or hit back so hard they'll have nightmares whenever they think of you. Either way, you want them wetting their pants whenever your name even enters their tiny little brains.

The strategy I used was a pretty desperate one (I'm not a terribly strong guy, and I had limited opportunity to learn martial arts - I did try using what little I knew, until I found out, the hard way, that it wasn't enough). I couldn't scare that type of jerk in any normal way, either. In fact, one of them, in a 'benevolent' moment, told me I ought to find a few girls and push them around, to "learn to be a man". Which gives you some idea what they thought of me... Anyway, I did figure out a way to scare them... I simply convinced them I was so batsh!t crazy they could never be sure what I might do. Of course, I had to act pretty crazy sometimes, I had to take a lot of risks. It probably wasn't a good strategy, but it was the only way I could figure out to come through high school alive. And, hey, it worked.

I mention it simply to illustrate that sometimes you need to think outside the box. I hope you can think of a better way than mine to scare the jerks away. Anyway, you need to have a lot of ideas on hand in case you need them; what persuaded one of those creeps I was crazy didn't always work for the rest of them. And what kind of crazy scared them was definitely different. Even if you don't use that strategy, different people are scared of different things... And if you can figure out a way to mess with someone like that, not just in a fight, but use your wits to out think them and trash their life some way, word usually gets around. That might sound harsh - but the kind of guy who won't care if you say 'no' deserves whatever you're willing to dish out to him. They've either already done worse to somebody else, usually more than once, or they'll get around to it soon enough.

Wear headphones wherever you go. And bring a book. And a hoodie.