Obsessed with "not offending anyone" - anyone else

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fobfan123
Snowy Owl

Joined: 30 Apr 2010
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13 Mar 2011, 5:23 am

Yes, Even though I do end saying whatever I want, but with somewhat remorse

clumsybee
Deinonychus

Joined: 22 May 2010
Age: 32
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Location: Syracuse, NY

13 Mar 2011, 7:40 pm

I gave up on trying to 'not offend anyone' a long time ago. It seems like if I mentioned that the sky is blue someone would be offended with the amount of vitriol I get from expressing my opinions. Deciding to consciously not worry about things like this one of the best things that I have done for my mental health.

wefunction
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13 Mar 2011, 9:04 pm

It's agonizing for me. I watch the words come out of my mouth and register in their brain and I see them change their opinion about me. I want to say, "Wait wait wait wait wait!" but it wouldn't be of any use. It's said, it's done, it's over, it's awkward and they hate me. Or so I think. Most of the time, people just shrug it off and don't care. But in my head, it plays out much different.

giall
Hummingbird

Joined: 16 Mar 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
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17 Mar 2011, 5:29 pm

I have a huge problem with this. I have a hard time even giving constructive criticism because I hate the thought of making anyone angry. I spent a lot of time in school and in my 20s hiding so maybe no one would notice me, and I get very very embarrassed in public at times. My husband gets a little irritated at times because I apologize so much, but I have no idea how to stop.

daydreamer84
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02 Apr 2011, 11:46 pm

YES I AM!

nikoa
Snowy Owl

Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 155
Location: Macedonia

26 Apr 2011, 6:31 am

Me to. When i was kid, my older sister always was offended by me, beside i was very careful, never mean offend her, same with my mother and one cousin. Because this reason i start scary that i always insult people and always say sorry, sorry. Oh.. sorry for my english..

nikoa
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26 Apr 2011, 8:13 am

alhna
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04 Aug 2011, 4:49 pm

...

Last edited by alhna on 09 Aug 2011, 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TheOtherMe
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Joined: 1 Aug 2011
Age: 42
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Location: Dreamer's Hideaway

05 Aug 2011, 10:08 am

analyser23 wrote:

For me I get very confused about people's reactions towards me. And it's not like if you are an aspie you are a cold-hearted b*** and don't care about anyone else. I hate the idea of someone being angry at me - in particular, if it is not deserved. I hate conflict, I hate people disliking me - it causes hassles at work or whever else. And I hate the idea of someone being hurt because I said something wrong. It doesn't make me feel nice to hurt someone.

I get confused about interactions, so I just over apologise and over explain myself in order to save any negative future incidents. I also get scared that they will think I am "weird" by something I said or did, so I will again, apologise and try to explain, which in turn makes me seem even MORE weird lol

I am just like that. But I want to get rid of it. If I can't get rid of the fear of hurting someone or someone getting angy at me, I'll be pretending all my life. I want to be free. Because I spend all my days thinking about talking to somebody. Can I say this? How would she/he react? How should I phrase this? I hate it so much and I can't stop it. Argh. It's actually my biggest problem, the reason I am here. I can't think in peace about my own things. It's always talking with people. I remember a time when I was young and I only thought visually. It was nicer then. Peaceful, that I remember. Now it's so stressful and loud.

Ames76
Sea Gull

Joined: 22 Jun 2011
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05 Aug 2011, 10:51 am

Yes I am exactly the same!

Tequila
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05 Aug 2011, 10:54 am

Ames76 wrote:

Yes I am exactly the same!

Somewhat at odds with your signature is it not?

TheOtherMe
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 1 Aug 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
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Location: Dreamer's Hideaway

05 Aug 2011, 11:56 am

Ames76 wrote:

Yes I am exactly the same!

You mean me?

Tuttle
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05 Aug 2011, 5:19 pm

Oh I'm so strongly this. Not only do I apologize to much, I keep things private that don't need to be because I'm scared they'll offend someone. It's ended up meaning that I'm an incredibly private person to the point where it sometimes bothers my boyfriend that I'm so private (he gets details, but others won't, because I'm scared of hurting them, but instead that means I feel like there is nobody I can trust)

I won't pretend to be someone else, but I'll hide away before I do something to knowingly offend someone.

cozysweater
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06 Aug 2011, 9:09 pm

I've caught myself apologizing to inanimate objects for bumping into them. It's completely ridiculous. On the other hand, because I feel like I have to work so hard to be acceptable, I get really easily annoyed if someone isn't tactful with me.

identity
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07 Aug 2011, 7:15 am

Oh yes I have this issue. I then end up tying myself and probably others in knots trying to make sure I have not been misunderstood. :roll: I realise though that it is as annoying for the other person as it is for me and I am working on trying to be more aware about it because ironically I can end up doing what I so set out to avoid!

joeyfarlz
Snowy Owl

Joined: 17 Jul 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 129
Location: no-mans land

07 Aug 2011, 9:55 am

I'm so bad at apologising, that all of my friends and family tell me off for apologising all the time.

It's the same with worrying too.

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