Question for female aspies in relationships

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We're in the "We're lucky if we have sex once a month" camp. I have an ASD, he does not (though he has some traits).

I would describe myself as being asexual - I'm not really interested in sex. I never initiate.
He on the other hand, enjoys sex and tries to initiate several times a week.
Which can be a challenge to deal with.

However, we have been together for 17 and a half years ... and love each other very much ... so we make it work. We do have sex, and when we do, I do enjoy it because I love him and like seeing him enjoy himself. I do worry about him seeking sex elsewhere, but also don't believe he actually would.

When my husband is home, we have sex at least once a week. I'd like to do it more, but sometimes his schedule gets in the way. When he's deployed, I just go insane. Actually, when he's deployed, my masturbation is more frequent than our normal sexual routines when he's home. My husband knows I like a firmer touch though so that probably makes a huge difference. I also don't hold back in initiating. At first I thought I was awkward with my straightforwardness, but it turns out he really likes that.

I have an NT boyfriend and we probably have sex once a month. I just don't normally want it. I often find it painful. I like oral sex better. I have a low sex drive over the last year or so. I don't know why.

I don't really worry that my boyfriend will go elseware for sex as we hae been together for years, he loves me and I trust him. He does watch porn which I don't mind at all.

I always feel really dirty afterwards, even though its supposed to be ''love making''. I dont knwo why i feel that way, but it makes me more aloof and distant with my partner. I have sensitivity problems though, especially with touch. Its confusing and frustrating

Hmmmm - I seem different from most here in as much as I like gentle touch.
I can get turned on by cuddling up and my guy gently running his hand up and down my arm or back.
I don't like sudden unexpected touch - I like a build up.
Having said that - in most liaisons/relationships I haven't enjoyed sex that much.
It was only my last relationship in wich I enjoyed the real pleasures of a physical relationship.
It's a great shame that we find it too difficult to stay together and function as a couple on a day to day basis

Sex? What's that? (Kidding, kidding.)

Honestly, we really don't. He refuses to be with a girl who gets around too much (... which means he completely ignores my offering to let him screw any girl he wants as long as there's no feelings or attachment for her) But otherwise? Two years and counting, but nothing until we're married. (And even then, I'll do everything in my power to avoid it.)

Not often. I am not really into it. I've been into it before but after I had experienced it, that was enough for me. I get bored too easily with it. I never feel like having it. I don't worry about him leaving me because he won't leave me. Plus I can't even have normal sex due to sensory issues. I can't stand the feeling of hairy skin and sweaty skin. So my husband has to wear a shirt and I wear socks and have my pants between our legs so I won't feel his skin. My husband is okay with that. It be torture for me if I had to have naked sex. I am lucky my husband has a low sex drive too but it's been higher lately. He thinks it's maybe because he is in less pain now thanks to his medicine. Or maybe it's due to going months without having it. But I gave into him twice this month in one week.

But I do like sex scenes in movies and find it romantic but I don't enjoy doing it myself even though my body enjoys it but not me. I am pretty much of a prud because I do not like all types of sex, only intercourse. I find it gross too to see it or to even hear about it. But if it's intercourse, I am fine with it.

It's exactly the same for me.
Never really enjoyed sex before, thought I was not normal, but now I really love to have sex with my current boyfriend. A lot depends certainly of the man you're with and the way he touches you.

Well, in my current relationship, I have a (generally) higher libido than my boyfriend, and we're both on the spectrum. Though at the moment my birth control is messed up so I've had my period for almost five months. OCD aspie boyfriend + non-stop spotting = no sex...

When we CAN have sex, usually I'm terrible at initiating. My only strategy is to say, "hey, wanna have sex?" which isn't very sexy...ha.

Of all the topics I've read on this site so far, this one makes me feel the least alone. Thanks everyone for sharing!
I'm a possible aspie, married to a mostly NT man. We have an 18 month old. And we don’t have sex very often.
My body has a high sex drive, but I am not interested in actually having sex really often. I would say my husband has a higher libido than I do. However, I usually initiate sex because a lot of times when he tries to initiate, I am not interested. I want to have sex, but it just seems like so much work, and I only like it if he touches me a certain way, and that certain way can change without me even being aware of it, and with a touchy toddler and working right now, that’s as much stimulation as I can take. Sometimes I just take care of myself.
I also really dislike light touching, unless it's during sex. He always wants to touch me lightly on my thigh, especially in the car, and that REALLY bothers me. When he remembers, he'll just set his whole hand on my thigh instead, which I don't mind. I don't mind having my hair/head touched lightly, except for my ears, which is the worst!
Oh, yeah, when I initiate, it is the “wanna have sex” variety as well. I have tried to be more subtle, but he doesn’t seem to get it.
I don’t worry that he’ll go elsewhere because I know he loves me and is committed to our marriage.

My two NT boyfriends had little to no sex drive and I recall them complaining to me about me wanting to initiate too often. My third boyfriend is on the spectrum and has yet to complain about my sex drive. I think in my case this has less to do AS than it does with the sex-negative attitudes of my first two boyfriends. (I believe they were also from abusive homes which may have contributed.) My current aspie boyfriend is just more accepting of himself and his sexuality, though it has taken him some time to get there. It's been really nice to feel desirable for once; I was starting to develop a complex after my first two boyfriends.

He and I are both fairly libidinous, our main obstacle being infrequent visits in a long-distance relationship.

I am with another aspie, and I find when together we have sex relatively often- not as often as we used to when we first got together though. I am losing interest a bit... and so is he! However we still love each other very much and get on well, things have just calmed down.

I'm AS and asexual, my boyfriend is NT and sexual. We've reached a compromise where we have sex around once a month. The longest we've gone without is 4 months, the shortest about a week. I don't enjoy sex, but relationships are all about compromise.

Does it bother him that you don't enjoy sex? He doesn't take it personally? I think I might be asexual and I think one of the reasons my last boyfriend ended our relationship was because he could tell I didn't really enjoy the physical aspect but I wouldn't discuss it with him. I thought if I told him I was probably asexual he would end our relationship straight away. Maybe if I'd been honest with him he would have agreed to the same kind of arrangement you have with your boyfriend. It didn't occur to me that a man would be willing to enter into a serious long-term relationship knowing that his girlfriend wasn't sexually attracted to him.

I love sex. Haven't had it in about 3 years though. My ex-husband and I stopped having it a year before I fled the house. He wanted it, but I didn't. He would yell at me for having an orgasm so I would keep myself from having them. I finally got fed up with it and stopped completely. Ever heard of female ejaculation? He thought it was gross. Oh, well.

My ex-boyfriend is an aspie. He didn't like penetration. I don't consider giving someone a blow job sex. At least not for me.

I think I have a lot of issues with sex. I've been raped and taken advantage of before. Being yelled at doesn't help either. I'm very frightened of starting something now which is a shame. I guess the guy is going to be have be very patient with me. I also don't like casual sex. If I ever do it or anything close to it again it will be in an exclusive relationship.

Sounds nice. I didn't even know there really were guys like that. Someone like that would be good for me because I hate penetration and won't do it at all.