Women and Periods

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You know for next time!

My husband is NNT and is slowly learning how to deal with me when I'm having a lousy period. He can't always be there to give me massages, but he can run out and pick up pads and ginger ale, or M&M's, or get me a glass of water and a Midol or ibuprofen. He's also learning to be understanding about me not getting housework done because I feel sick and I hurt.

He is learning to hear me call for him when I need a clean pair of knickers, or help getting up. For some reason, my period messes with my balance and makes me stim REALLY hard.

Life's a learning experience - you'll get better at dealing with your wife's periods especially as you care enough to ask for advice about it. Two things that haven't been mentioned yet that might help: 1) What she wants probably won't be the same each time she has a period - you'll need to ask questions every time or otherwise you'll be confused about why something that was right last time is wrong this time. 2) Try talking to her about it sometime when she's not on her period - when she's not dealing with the pain she might be more articulate about what its like for her and what she wants from you.

This is why I love coming to wrongplanet. I receive straightforward, concrete, practical, non-vague, non-ambigious answers. NT women will just tell me to consider her feelings more or something to that effect. You all are practically the first group of women to give the information I need in a way I understand it. I appreciate that.

I don't know if it applies in this situation, but I often get a bit hormonal and snappy with my partner just before and at the beginning of my period. I can't help it and I don't mean to be nasty or upset him. Maybe your wife was a bit snappy because of this and because she was in pain, and you didn't actually do anything wrong. Although I agree about the phrasing.

It's quite annoying. Especially if you're not on the pill. I didn't know about the connection between the period itself and taking the pill for the longest time.

Well, every time a woman is on her period, it's like an open wound. Because that's what it really is. So while you're still on your period, it's really painful.

It also affects my emotions greatly. I am much more likely to cry or get annoyed by something.

I also feel sick during the first two days.

Mine used to be really, really, exceptionally bad. I got it really very young (ten or eleven, I think) and for years it was kind of like the sensation you'd get if you got thwhacked really hard in the lower back by a baseball bat, and if that initial pain just continued for hours. And this would be for the entirety of the five or so days. The only thing that would help at all was a hot water bottle.

Thankfully after I altered my diet things changed for the better, but I still have horrible days.

It makes me much more likely to cry, too, and get caught up in a spiral of anxiety over tiny little things.

On a related note: anyone else ever blacked out or come close to it as a result of cramps? It wasn't anemia or anything — just the physical pain of it.

Well the term "What am I supposed to do about it?" probably set her off. Periods are different for every woman. When I was younger, I used to get mine for seven days and I'd get horrible cramps. I had an abortion when I was 20 and after that whenever I got my period, I hardly ever get cramps anymore...but let me tell you, some cramps can be horrible.

Some nice ways to appreciate your wife when she's on her period is to give her a massage, get her a hot water bottle or a heating pack, give her some tea, get some aspirin for her or just ask her right out, "What can I do to make you feel better hun?" I can guarantee you, she'll really appreciate it and would probably do the same for you when you're not feeling well. Some cramps can feel like somebody is grabbing your insides and they start to throb with pain wave after pain wave going through your body.

Men will never really know what having a period of truly like, just like women will never really know what having balls is like (how do you sit???)

What I can say is, period pains are similar to those cramps you get when you have the runs. That is what I learnt. They're not completely the same, but they are sort of similar. Just before I'm due to start my period, I get slight period pains, but I forget that I'm getting my period and so I end up sitting on the toilet wondering why I haven't got the runs, then I suddenly remember that it is period pains, not the runs pains.
The difference between period pains and runs pains are period pains are obviously not in the bowels. And they hurt right round your legs and your thighs. It is such a horrible pain, and laying down does not get rid of them, like it does with other stomachaches. Gentle exercising gets rid of them quicker.

Also, when I'm on my period, I feel sick but can still eat and have a normal appertite. Otherwise, when I haven't got a period cramp, I practically forget I am on a period.

Different women have different symptoms and some get it far worse than others.

Here is something practical you can do for your wife if she would be willing to try it:

Get her to start taking food grade diatomaceous earth as a food supplement.

It has reduced my horrific period pain by about 90%. No more painkillers or being bedridden on days 1 and 2.



Other than that, just ask her (at a time when she's not actually having her period) what things help her feel better. Ask HER. Do not rely on asking a bunch of strange women on the Internet and doing what they tell you, because all women are different. e.g. I CANNOT STAND ANYONE TOUCHING MY STOMACH when I am having cramps, yet some women find it relieving to be rubbed there. Some may find relief by heat being applied. Some (like me) can't stand the pressure of ANYTHING being held against their stomach, but want heat on their back. Some women want hugs. Some want to be left alone. Some want chocolate. Some may not even LIKE chocolate. Some want massages. Some don't. Some want to retire to bed. Some want to soldier on through the pain. Some want to moan on about how ill they're feeling, and be showered with attention. Some don't even like to talk about the fact that they're having their period.

It all depends.

Just find out what would make her feel better, and then do it.

Rub your wife's tummy. That's one thing I wish the man I love would do with me, although he hasn't asked me out yet.