What were you like as a child?

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Sorry I didn't see it
Nor did the other men here wise girl.....

Is it just the men that get this ?

I don't remember too much of being a kid... I don't know if my memory just sucks that bad or if I blocked a lot of it out. I do remember a few things, though.

I was always really shy and quiet, until I got to know you and then you couldn't get me to shut up. I didn't have too many meltdowns, except once when my great aunt babysat me I sat in front of the TV and screamed all day (I'm not sure why). I would also scream when my mother brushed my hair because it hurt so bad and to this day I keep it really short so I don't really have to worry about it.

I have always had a problem with loud sounds, particularly the bass on stereos, thunder, and fireworks. I feel bad for my parents because I was a handful on the fourth of July and New Years. I remember they once tried to take me to see fireworks and I locked myself inside the car and cried until they were over.

I learned to read when I was two and had very good reading skills for my age. As a result I skipped kindergarten because I was doing really well in the class and two weeks in they gave me the test that we had to move on. I got 130% on the test (The person that gave me the test kept asking my questions after it was over to see if I would get one wrong and I didn't. I don't think she realized the answer key was in plain view). I did great in school for the first couple of years, then I got moved to a different school and stopped doing homework. I understood the material and got 100's on most of my exams... I just hated the homework.

I never really had any friends. I had people that I spent a lot of time with, but none of us were very close. To this day I only have one really good friend that I talk to all of the time and a couple of acquaintances that I get together with maybe twice a year.

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i was smaller than i am now when i was a child

Having read all your posts I've started realising how weird I really was!!

I didn't walk until I was 2 and was very outgoing, always talking to strangers. I found I got along better with adults than children. I was bullied for my entire school life. Kids called me weird and would imitate me and exclude me. I remember feeling like a girl was always really mean to me and then one day she asked me why I was mean to HER. I did strange things like read the entire Bible twice and was quite religious - I still am. I also read the entire dictionary. I was always reading under my desk at school and I would actually walk around the school yard reading my book. Once the principal walked past me and asked me how I was and I replied "good" he yelled at me for not look at him when I was speaking and was angry that I didn't ask how he was. I had teachers that really did not like me and were always telling me I was rude when I didn't think I was. I was very hurt one day when I went in to buy some pens and the bookshop lady told me I was one of the rudest kids she'd ever come across. I still don't know what I said to offend her. I became very angry and depressed as a teenager. I self harmed - still do. I attempted suicide when I was 16.

I have always had strange habits like I refuse to eat anything that is blue. I just believe food should not be blue. I also am unable to sleep if there is anything with lights in the room. I hate alarm clocks with bright lights or mobile phones that shine during the night. I also suffer from dyspraxia which is an autism spectrum disorder so I have always been extremely accident prone and as a kid I wrote with both hands because neither hand is dominant. this means that my handwriting is terrible.

I learned to play the violin at 4 and am extremely gifted at music. I read music before I read english. I was very intelligent in school and university but have never been able to find a job I'm passionate about.

I was looking for a thread on this, wondering how girls with AS were.

I was diagnosed mainly because I was selectively mute. I wouldn't talk outside my home - at all. I wouldn't even talk to my my parents and siblings if we were out anywhere. I still suffer from this in some situations, though it improved when I was in my teens.

I was overly sensitive and overly emotional. I was incredibly attached to animals and have read this is a trait seen in AS girls.

I had physical sensory issues and made a fuss over being clothed in certain materials and things. This is still the case but I don't get upset and cry over it now - I deal with it sensibly.

I was exceptionally bright and did very well at school.

I hated changes in routine. I got attached to material possessions because I associated them with good memories and got upset if, for example, a toy had to be thrown away. I hated any type of change.

I had obsessive interests, but not to the extent I developed obsessions in adolescance.

But I was better at making friends - far better - than I've been at forming adult relationships of any kind.

I could manage being a child. I did ok then. I can't manage adult life.

But I had experiences as a teen that were traumatic, which pushed things downhill for me in every way.

I wonder if we can all agree that one of the hardest things about Asperger's is our ability to be ourselves when everyone (neurotypicals) around us need us to be like them. It is the social and communicative aspect that always has me feeling sh***y about myself because 1) I am not at all good at these two things 2) as a woman it is important to me because as a gender our instictual need to network and relate to others is so important to our very being. I think isolation from others or non-acceptance by others is a much bigger blow to me then anything else that is attached to this

When I was younger, I never really fit into a group and I never really was out of a any particular group. I swapped groups a lot and changed groups a lot because of conflicts, not connecting, and boredom. I remember I would lay in bed at night and create these scenarios where I was an integral part of a group of friends. They would laugh at all my jokes, I would always get the guy, and they would always call me to hang out or for advice. As you can imagine, real life was not so much this. I still got invited to all the cool parties and sleepovers but I wasn't really a key part of that group. They connected and grew and I just was background noise for the most part.

I remember in one instance in middle-school I was part of the popular crowd and it honestly meant a lot to me but at the same time it was a lot of pressure. I remember sitting back and watching what they wore, how they spoke, what they did. I tried my best to imitate that. Socially, that is not only creepy but that is also a huge no no. One of my friends was into journal writing and I thought that was just "so cool". Well, as you can imagine, I tried to make my own journal like hers which unfortunately was just a copy of the girl I was good friends with. She found it one day when she was over my house and I didn't have those friends any longer soon after that. Coolness factor... gone. Never to be ressurected again. This happened A LOT.

I think this is very true. Although I also think that it's not just NTs who expect us to be "like them" - I certainly expect it of myself too. I want to be like other people. I want to be good at relationships. I don't think that's something that's easy to discard as just a social expection, where I don't have to worry about what people think. I have a genuine desire to be able to relate and communicate with people like other women can too.

I'm sure AS men have some of the same problems, but there are certain aspects of relating to people and understanding people that are particularly expected of women.

This. I yearn to relate to others and connect to others and even my own husband many times. My husband runs a nerd dating site so I KNOW a lot of people and I hang out with a lot of people but no one is chasing me down for a good gossip session or for some coffee and girly time. One thing I am so used to hearing is that there is a wall up. What wall? Where is it? How? I never get when other people say this and I REALLY wish I did because I am so sure my childhood and adolescence would have been 100% more enjoyable if I did understand what that meant and how I can prevent it!

I do on a certain level expect myself to be like NTs. That is where the mimicking and observing came to play in my earlier years but obviously that is not enough. You actually have to KNOW and that is something I am so sure I will ever be able to accomplish!

I was very responsible, very honest, and very curious about everything. Come to think of it, none of that has changed! I had three best friends who I spent hours with at times, and I refused to socialize with other people. At home, I never wanted to go outside and play - I was always inside reading.

You manage to relate reasonably well to your husband, though, I presume? Do you find it harder to connect with other women, or find friendships harder than relating to a partner? If you don't mind me asking, you don't have to answer if that's too personal.

You're right that mimicking just isn't the same. I form what I would call aquaintances ok, but I can tell they're not real friendships. I did have real friendships as a child (adult friendships seem harder to me - or I've not some of my abilitities), so I can compare the level of intimacy involved and recognise that my current "friendships" are more a result of going through the motions and behaving as I know friends are expected to behave than a result of an organic process in which I am acting naturally and motivated by genunine affectionate feelings. And I get the feeling that my aquaintances are aware of this, and respond accordingly. I often feel I'm included in social activities because my friends feel it's polite to include me rather than because I'm really one of the group, for example.

The official advice given to people with AS always seems to be to learn social interaction and practice it in just this way though. They don't use words like mimic and fake, but that sometimes feels like what they're advising comes down to.

My husband and I get a long reasonabley well. Communication is a HUGE problem with us and we always have blow-out fights when I don't communicate correctly with him and he gets super frustrated. He has a terrible temper(never physical) and doesn't know when to back off even when I ask him or give him fair warning which always results in me shutting down completely. I think that is an area we REALLY need help in. We relate to each other fairly well beyond that because we are both creatives in our respective fields, him as a Computer Engineer and me as an Artist.

I think I find relationships with partners and women equally taxing in their own ways. Friendships are hard to maintain because, like you, I feel people invite me to be polite and that I don't really bond with anyone in a way that I notice my other friends bond to each other. I have friends but I am set apart. I think I am relating to them but on what level is the question? I feel the when other women gossip it is okay but when I do it I am considered a b***h and not one to trust. It is hard to really know what to say or how to act to connect to another person.

With all relationships there is empathy, something that I sometimes lack. So, there is a huge piece to the puzzle right there. I find that it is easier to empathize when it is something that I can relate to but when it is something out of my realm of experience I often say the wrongs things or get so frustrated with not being able to understand that it seems like I am mad at that person or annoyed at the person for feeling a certain way.

As a child I was a milder version of what I am now, weirdly I am truer to myself as a child now than I have been for years but parts of me are happier than I was during my teenage years. I don't hate my child self anymore, I did for years and did everything in many ways to kill her. Weirdly in accepting the AS I've had to accept the parts of me I hated the most and I'm actually a lot more content in myself than I was. My problems are primarily external (with the exception of my ED) now.

I was always described as "intense."

I was too, I still am.