Is this Normal?

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Well, this is an issue that I've been thinking about for the past few days and I'm pretty scared- the whole degenerative life kind of makes it worse- and so I'm really hoping for reassurance. I know I might not get it and it will be very hard if I don't but I know I will have to try and live with it .
At the end of last year I really began to discover romance- as in the image of two people kissing would make me go 'aww' rather than 'eww' and it then came to my attention- pretty suddenly that I didn't feel like that, no male with no top on made me think of anything other than oh there's a boy with no top on. I began to worry about my sexuality- and later my gender identity. I never felt the excitement of turning into an adult physically as I hear I'm suposed to. I get embarrassed even changing in front of other girls and don't particularly like showing off my figure. It's like it doesn't seem to fit me. Sometimes I do think about things a normal girl my age would. Sometimes I feel I should wear make up but it doesn't make me feel pretty, just stupid. Sometimes I think I'd like to be told I looked pretty and I do dream about being able to have a boyfriend or a husband but more commonly I seem to relate to male characters in stories and in my imagination. I like things such as fantasy stories which are made more obviously for a male audience.

At the same time however as a child I was very Girly and wouldn't wear anything that wasn't a dress, I'm also quite maternal and love playing with young children and babies.

My mum is in denial of my thinking that I might be a lesbian and she says that I'm just not there yet. I know that often girls with aspergers are much less mature in that way than most girls and I- sort of desperatly after my newer idea that I might be transgender instead - need to know if this is common, if most girls with aspergers feel like this?

Thanks for any help regardless

Yeah - being constantly mistaken for a lesbian in my teenage years made me question my sexuality too. Not because I was attracted to women though, just that social pressure. I was also more interested in typically "masculine" things and kinda cared less about the stuff girls normally care about. Nothing is wrong with having "masculine" interests though society falsely equates that with being lesbian -_-

So who do you fantasize about? Men or women? That's what determines your sexuality. Don't worry about it too much. It's normal for teens to have some kind of questioning.

Just rereading your post and I'm not quite sure why you are questioning your sexuality. Are you having abnormal fantasies or something?

Edit: ok, so it seems to me like you are worried about having a lack of sexuality. Yeah, that happened to me too. Well, I just didn't see anyone who I was interested in yet. But it developed with time, so don't worry about it. Concentrate on whatever you're interested in.

Not feeling 'girly' doesn't necessarily mean you are a lesbian. Sexuality is a little more complicated than that, I think. Just take your time to find out who you are, try and spend time with men and women (appropriate to your age) as friends and see who you are drawn to. You don't have to make a decision any time soon - there is no rush. Try not to worry about all this.

At 16, you still have a lot of time to grow into your body. It may be that you just need more time. It may be that you just have a very low sex drive; some people are naturally asexual. In that case, if you still want friendship and the companionship of a 'significant other,' you could find a good friendship with someone else who also had a very low sex drive and raise a family with them - you'd just have separate bedrooms. You could either adopt, use a dropper, or use a sperm bank. Or, if you don't want kids of your own, you could become a teacher or a care worker and help to take care of other peoples' kids.

Humans come have a pretty normal distribution (in the statistical sense) of desire levels - most have medium levels, some have lots, and some have very little - and, despite the cultural insistence that everyone adhere to the mean, it's not 'abnormal' to have a level of desire that's not what most other people have.

Sounds like normal teenager issues to me. Doesn't mean that it's not confusing, painful, embarassing etc. Can't wait to grow up? It's nice for a while, when you first come of age and get past some of these early conundrums. Then it gets worse, and worse, and you wish you were a teenager worrying about these things again. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I'm 36, and I have never been anything but grateful that I'm not a teenager anymore. There's a lot of my life left, but it's hard to imagine my life ever being worse than junior high and high school.

Early college, maybe - away from all of the idiots from my home town, working with occasionally brilliant teachers on fascinating and challenging topics, feeling like I had so much potential and so did everyone else around me... that was a pretty nice time. But not junior high or high school :bleh: .

Don't try to be normal; try to be you.

I was in my 20s before I had any interest in sexuality. The idea of sex seemed so silly and I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to do that. my mom was so sure I was a lesbian and when I finally had the "I need the pill" talk, she was like "Wait, you had sex? With a guy? For the first time? Really?"

Us Aspergirls (to use Rudy Simone's word, which I rather like) do tend to have romantic stirrings awakening at a later age than our NT peers. I went to an all-girls school for secondary and being an undiagnosed Aspie (age 28, finally got diagnosed last month) was really really tough. I wasn't interested in a romantic relationship until I was about 20; my first boyfriend was at the age of 23 and at 28 I'm only in my second relationship (though we're talking seriously about marriage). When all the other girls were drooling over pop stars and actors I was very much, "So? What's the big deal?" I still don't get that (although I must confess to a crush on one of the NCIS cast!) and it did cause me to question my orientation. A few years ago I concluded that I was bi; I'm cool with that, so's my long-term boyfriend (we're as good as engaged, but we're not going to make it formal until he can get a job down where I live). He teases me about it sometimes!

Hang on a sec, Pixie - we're meant to get excited about turning into an adult physically??? From what I can gather, it's perfectly normal to *not* get excited! I hated it for a long time - periods are messy and unpleasant, and until I went on the Pill I was hideously irregular (anything from exactly 28 days to 7 weeks, and anywhere and everywhere in between) and had cramps so bad I would be throwing up. The Pill is an absolute Godsend! (Speaking of, need to figure out what I'm going to do about that once G and I are married, what with me being Catholic!)

From my own experience, I'd say what you're experiencing is all pretty normal. There's a huge range of effects and anxieties and so on, and they don't affect just us Aspergirls, it's something quite a few of my NT friends have experienced as well.

Right, it's 1am, I *must* get to bed!

You are the victim of steroetypes in society. I'm asexual and have interests that are more "masculine" then "feminine." This has nothing to do with sexuality, much more to do with personal preferences. Not all girls fit the typical mold of "a girl" in society, and there's nothing wrong with that. The ability to identify more with male characters than female characters is completely normal. Female characters are misrepresented as passive, having excessive focus on men, and having an excessive focus on their appearances. Not all girls are this way- but they're still girls. Many are straight, others not. You sound straight because you said you wanted a boyfriend/husband one day. You just don't fit the stereotypes about women, and that's perfectly alright (and, in my opinion, awesome).

Scientific evidence has shown that sexual orientation is a continuum and that almost everyone is attracted to both genders on some level, most just have a much higher preference for one than the other. Gender is also a continuum. Science is increasingly showing that dividing into black-and-white gay or straight, male or female goes against our biology and psychology. You don't have to choose gay or straight, male or female, unless you are certain and feel it's an important part of your identity that this be concrete (e.g. to say, I am definitely male, I want a sex change). If anyone asks, just say, "I'm me."