Women, Aspergers and Sex Drive

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Personally, I've never done it but I think I have a pretty high sex drive. It's funny to me because I think that I think about sex as much as a NT male. I can't help it. The reason I've never done it before is body issues, you know being comfortable in my own skin and what not. I'm working on that (weight loss). Once I do get to the point where I have the confidence I think sleeping with that first person will take a lot of trust, but I don't think I'd wait until marriage and I don't think I'd mind having a "friend with benefits".
I think the reason I've waited so long to start my sex life (I'm 27) is because I was embarrassed by having a high sex drive. I hate what society and religions have done with something as natural as sex. Religions have made it into this nasty, dirty, disgusting thing that we should abstain from, and that has kind of come to play in society, they think there is something wrong with a woman who has a sex drive that is as high as a man as some sort of whore or a slut. At the same time, society puts a lot of sexual pressure on people to where they think there is something seriously wrong with them if they're not having it or they're a certain age and they're still virgins. I hate that as well. It's like they tease me for waiting so long but if I were to act on what I want to act on, I'm called a whore. It shouldn't be that way.
It surprises me that I've met a quite a few Aspie girls that like sex but all the men with Asperger's syndrome don't like it at all. No offense to the Aspie guys but that would be kind of hard to have a relationship with them. I mean I can picture myself wanting sex and then being with someone who has Asperger's syndrome telling me to go away... that relationship would not last at all...

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Based on what I have read so far, there is little difference between the NT pop and aspie population when it comes to sex drive and dysfunction although the term "asexual" is thrown around.

I find that my sexual desire goes through phases that are probably more related to age and change than aspergers. I will sometimes fixate on sex and want a lot of it and become very demanding about it (which my husband enjoys and prefers to the droughts, which can be a month or more). I just read an interesting article about how oxytocin reduces repetitive behaviors in aspies so that having satisfactory sex can calm us down - this is absolutely true for me. It is a nice way to reduce agitation and other negative behaviors. I tend not to want a lot of foreplay and touching and have to be reminded to cuddle and kiss, but other than that it works out just fine - my husband understands that it isn't personal.

I've been very curious about this for a while. I suspect my husband and I are both Aspies (our son was recently diagnosed and we have all the same behaviors that qualified him). My husband has very, very little sex drive. He refers to himself as a "prude," because he has only been aroused a handful of times and is uncomfortable watching anything beyond soft-core videos. He doesn't understand flirtation, romance, or physical attraction, but has a strong need for a partnership. I'm the opposite. I have much, much more severe sensory issues than he does, and I feel bombarded by sexual stimuli all day (TV, people in stores, random thoughts, my clothes etc.). I also dislike light touch, cuddling, eye-contact, restaurants, and basically everything that goes along with romance and relationships. As a result I just want sex as a release/relief, and I want to skip all the foreplay and after glow stuff. Before I met him I only wanted casual relationships or flings. I also find it easier to get along with someone if the relationship is limited to physical interactions, and I don't have to try to understand, express, or discuss my feelings.

My husband was the first person I felt like I could be around 24/7 as well as completely be myself. So I married him. But our sexual mismatch is kind of a problem. We are both so bad at romance every attempt to create it has been more humorous than successful. He's not repulsed by sex with me, but he's indifferent to it, which makes it hard for me to have the confidence to be intimate with him.

We watched a documentary recently on human sexual attraction, and now he's attempting to imitate "interested alpha male" behavior. I'm not sure how well this will work.

I definitely have used sex as a release, but it's an effective one. I was accused once by an ex of using his penis as a sleeping pill. I understand your frustration, because in my relationship we are lucky to have sex twice a week anymore. In my instance it's due to schedule issues instead of lack of drive, but it's enough to set my teeth on edge. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore, which is practical but really reduces the chance of sex or a feeling of intimacy.

Ha ha! I can't fall asleep without an orgasm. I thought I was the only one. I'm just too wound up from the day by that point. Sadly I'm having to take care of myself these days

That's rough that you have schedule issues keeping you apart. A 3 year old has inserted himself between us at night recently, so it's stopped us from even trying. I think we're down to about once every two months or so. I just feel weird sleeping with someone who isn't that into it, and the child is a convenient buffer at the moment.

That's got to be rough. I know solo just isn't the same. Hopefully, the child could sleep on his own and some compromise can be reached?

I've noticed this too. None of the girls I know are interested in that sort of thing.

Before I had a baby in the house, I had a very high sex drive. Now, lack of sleep has reduced it quite a bit. In my hierarchy of needs, sleep must come before sex. I suspect that the bedroom will once again become a multipurpose area when teething ends!

We co sleep with two toddlers, velocirapture, and until my libido returned in full force sex was once or twice a month, partly due to hormones, mostly due to lack of sleep. It did come back though! And we are just creative about the how and when now

The aspie women I know all have high sex drives. Valuable as anecdata only, I know.

I don't want to get all TMI up in here, but personally I disagree since I get "urges" a lot and would love to be in a relationship with a guy where "that" happens a lot... though I don't want it to be the only part of the relationship. If anything, I'd say I'd have an increased sex drive.

I'm kind of sick of Aspies being treated like a whole other species, both by other Aspies and NTs... we're all human in the end, and it's human to have desires.

No. There are people that are asexual or have little to no sex drive or don't want to have sex for other reasons. I'm never having sex again. I'm not interested.

I'm kind of opposite, my boyfriend is the less sex-driven one in the relationship.

Hell, I wish I could use sex as currency. Maybe then I would have some enthusiasm for it.

It's just a price I have to pay if I want to have companionship. And I am starting to think that it isn't worth it.

I am an aspie and I have an annoyingly high sex drive for a girl! Unfortunately, my boyfriend is the total opposite due to sensory issues. We have been together a year and have barely even kissed

What’s so annoying about a girl with high sex drive?